lifegoes at least you know now.....it's a shame we all can't find friends of friends to vet our irons because it would be so bloody helpful. It will happen at some stage I bet!
emski I think it's the killing of hope, especially when you've come out of a long, unhappy marriage. You have all these hopes and dreams and then they are dashed very suddenly and you have to go through a mourning period. That's what makes it so hard. There's some great ways to get through break ups resources on the net - lots of distraction and spending time with real friends! I've found some of my shorter break ups worse than my massively long marriage and divorce!
mrdrummer the thing is you wouldn't know if it was received negatively if you didn't see everyone that received it. I wouldn't change your habits and if it's something you enjoy, you should do it and not care what others think! It's not my thing but then again, you are talking to the woman who almost ran out of the bar screaming when a man on a first date bought me a present!
I think it was supercali who asked me about warning signs and how I knew I had to hold something back with my last fella.
- He was super good looking in real life, not so much in his photos, but one of the very few who I met and thought bloody hell! - I hate to say out of my league but I found when we went out together, women were really staring at him. He could have picked up anyone he wanted.
- He had a history of failed relationships. I know we all do. But I'd only had one where I had kids. He had more than one where he had had dcs (though both were long relationships) which made me think he didn't find it hard to fall in love and fall out of it (though he told me it was the women who ended both - who knows though).
- He was very un self aware. I am enormously self aware and could see some of his behaviours that weren't great (and this is critical of me) ie. the way he responded to stress etc. I would never have broken up with him for this btw as we all have our quirks, but it raised a flag as I thought if things started going badly, he would run (and I wasn't wrong) rather than having a pragmatic way to solve relationship issues (i.e. talking things through). I once said to him, if things go wrong, I will start telling you and he said I would do the same but his ACTIONS always showed that that wasn't going to happen.
- There were niggles. Little niggles. Lots of promises and I hate to say it, potential future faking. I think he saw how positively I responded to all his talk and that made him do it more often. I think if someone does this with me again - mentions marriage etc. I will just say 'don't be so bloody ridiculous, let's focus on the now'.
I have also thought about a list of mistakes I made if any of you are interested 