Dating Thread 156 - It is hot hot hot

[midcenturylegs]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

@lifegoes what an ass!! I personally would send him a message telling him you know. Then I'd block him I wouldn't want a pathetic excuse as a reply.

@JeSuisPrest yes I'm ok. Just really busy, worried about work exhausted. I'm reading just struggling to get a post in before the subject changes! I wanted to say re Mr P I think he's being very unfair. It was a lovely message but he shouldn't then be messaging to ask if you're ok and remind you he's there. That will stop you giving mr c 100%. I think you need to be very firm and tell him you know he's there but you're with someone else.

And also to @TooOldForThis67 um don't want to say I told you so re Mr Wow. But fantastic! You clearly had to go through all that to realise what you wanted together.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 ah mr big let him go he's a head fuck

As for me still going with mr Unsuitable. However I'm slowly finding his unsuitability a bit unappealing. It's been a couple of months. He calls me his gf. Unfortunately my kids know about him accidentally. He's very black and white and from quite a macho culture. It's only a matter of time before I start swiping again. Having said that I'm seeing him today and the pull between us is very strong so no doubt I'll be all loved up again later.

Actually I know what it is, just realised. I have an underlying condition which is active at the moment and although it's not terrible it's really draining physically and mentally. I just can't be bothered with anything!

lifegoes that's horrible, what a total scumbag he is. Block and move on (hugs)

Glad to hear so many on smitten bench - gives me hope 😉

I stopped contact with MrNorth - I really fancied him but there was nothing more to it. Logistically couldn't have been a relationship which is ultimately what I'm looking for. We ended on good terms.

Have my first second date of the year tonight with MrC. Hes taking me out for a meal and drinks 😊

Also quietly catching up.....
@lifegoes what a truly nasty piece of work, I'm so sorry.
Lovely to read the loved up posts and realise there are some good people out there among the tossers.

kerkya If you’re in the North-East (which I’m guessing from previous posts you may well be) then distance isn’t too bad. I drive 45 minutes which is actually 34 miles from East Durham to Northumberland and that works for us as a couple. We see each other four times a week and can always go out to the Metro Centre which is halfway for dates. It can work with bigger distances, we are testament to that.

Plus in the North East if I’d have put ten miles in I’d have got my local town and that’s it. The closest major city is 11 miles away for me!

ponyprincess I've got 2 couples to have coffee with this weekend I never had a wild and misspent youth - seems I've waited till 47 to do it

jesuis as romantic and intense as it may seem, Mr P needs to let you go if he can't give you what you need. Reminding you he's there doesn't help you.

@kerkyra Mr Far is um too far away really, an hour ish. But we swiped when he was nearby, I had my radius set to 15miles. Because I'm a hopeless driver and am time poor. But he's happy to do the bulk of the travelling...

My irons are: Mr Crystal - loads in common, very long messages, no offer of a meet yet - he's brand new to OLD. Very interested to see him in person as his photos make him look.....a bit toothy but he seems lovely.
Mr Ginger - from FAB, tall and fit as.....insert tongue hanging out emoticon!

@lifegoes I agree that there’s no point in giving him any more thought or effort. Just (re)block and move on.

I think in general a big ‘grand gesture’ first date is likely to be a bad sign. Even if you’ve been talking for weeks and it feels like you know them, it’s better to do something ordinary and local for a first meeting.

@kerkyra I was really fussy about distance. I just wasn’t really willing to travel for dates. Plus my life is generally busy and I need to be around my local area, so it wouldn’t be practical.

MrSG lives about 12 miles away (but works where I live, which is his he showed up in my tinder). Tbh, it’s a bit of a pain in the arse of a distance and there’s nothing out there. But he knows that it’s crap out there and prefers to go out in the city (this is where he has always socialised, and he lived very close to where I do until he moved out to where his ex grew up in an attempt to make the relationship work - she then started an affair with someone she went to school with). After they split, his plan was to move back to this area anyway because it’s way better than the crappy village he lives in These days he tends to spend most of his time at my house anyway. 😁

I'm in the south midlands auba in a village ten miles from any town. Very rural but my village does have four thousand people so not completely cut off haha.

Ok,twenty five miles would include a city so maybe that's a better option as long as someone is happy to drive. Bit tricky with my 11yr old as I like to make sure he's in bed for nine. Which is slap bang in the middle of the eve.

@JeSuisPrest. I agree that MrP is being a dick in messaging you like that. He needs to recognise that it’s not fair to go on about how much he cares etc when he can’t (it’s usually won’t really) offer you a relationship. It’s a bit of a shit or get off the toilet situation really.

crust yes,i think i'm the same in that I don't really want to travel for dates!

Thinking about it,the couple of ex's I had since my divorce four years ago all came over twice a week and the weekend I didn't have my son,i went to them. I think this suits me.

Just a random thought but mr drummer,you're about 40 mins from me,would you date someone that far away? Would it feel like a pain? When we met the other day,in the middle,that seemed a treck! ( country roads for me).

I seem to be getting interest on pof from a few suitables.

And the one who wanted fwb keeps txting,even though I've explained I want more. He wants to walk my dog with me tomorrow. And go to this war museum. He really is a headfuck

lifegoes what a piece of s**t he turned out to be. I am so sorry that you had to go through that.

Kerkyra I tend to only consider guys that live no further than 10 miles from me. Mr Outdoors lived an hour's drive away down country lanes and that was not a good option.

putastrawunder good luck with the couples. I may have to get back on FAB as I am feeling a bit fed up at the moment and could do with cheering up. I have no real irons at the moment. There are a few conversations on POF and Tinder which are dragging on but it is all really inane stuff and I'm not sure that I can be bothered with it all. Just realised that one of them has his age as 51 but in his profile he admits that he is only 30. Why do they do that!

Guys, how long do you wait after a date before you assume he's not interested because he hasn't contacted you?

loo I would expect to hear by the next day. If I didn't I would move on

lifegoes It's rough - but at least you know this is nothing to do with you. He's a charming bastard and you can never tell them until it's too late., I can only speak for myself but i've been there. A very good freind was taken in by one for months. He had a wife. A girlfreind. Was still on match. It all came out gradually.....better you learn the truth now than go through the endless headfuck. I reckon he'll come knocking on your door again unless you block him.

LooUpdate How long's it been? I reckon i'd give it a full 24 hours.

daffodeffo If you don't mind my asking, what were the red flags that got you not quite believing in the relationship?

Just checking in

Very happy for those on the smitten bench (and a bit jealous)

Sorry there are so many of us on the picked a Dick bench. Why are there so many twats out there?

lifegoes what a fucking arse he is. Hope your ok.

I cannot stop crying. Think I cried more in last 24 hours over Mr Big than I did when I left my stbxh. Desperately trying not to message him. Wtf is wrong with me? I just don’t understand what I have done wrong

On the distance thing Mr Scouse is unsurprisingly from Liverpool and I’m in Manchester. He does the bulk of the travel, and did it all in the early days, but it’s an hours drive to get to his. It’s onky if my ridiculous over thinking mind starts to think years into and imaginary future I see it being an issue 🙈

Oh marlboro I’m so sorry you are feeling so low I think it’s all cumulative so it’s not just Mr Big you are crying for. Is it too early for wine?