DH and younger female colleague’s wats app exchange. Dodgy?

[ashamforallseasons]

Context is they have a new client in Singapore who they have been given the option to either schedule a phone meeting with or visit (at their own company’s expense.)

DH: can you do either 15,16 or 17 may in Singapore?
Colleague: yes! Exciting! Who’s coming?
DH: you and me. Have a look at the flight options and let’s make a plan. Ok?
Colleague: yes, really looking forward.
DH: cool 😎
Colleague: OK I looked. Flights are tricky. I want to get there in time to have a day and a really nice dinner that first evening as the rest will be work.
DH: Next time!
DH: Or we stay an extra night and make a day of it?
Colleague: let’s see.
DH: we can always go back another time
DH: ok i’ve Looked at flights again. We can have a long lunch that first day?
Colleague: ok. I’m looking forward. Can’t wait to get a break.
DH: alternatively could you fly early Sunday?
Colleague: what time on Sunday?
DH: early, so we can hang out, have lunch, have dinner etc.
Colleague: ok great. It is better we do this meeting in person, isn’t it?
DH: yes. If you want to come later on Sunday it’s okay too.
Colleague: no; the longer away the better for me. Just want a break.

We know you're not shagging any of them. You've said "single dad" right there in your handle. And I'm sure it's not because you were hoping to use MN like tinder like a sad act.

Dear lord, you're a paranoid bunch of screw-ups on here 😂.

Dear lord, you're a paranoid bunch of screw-ups on here 😂.

God, what a vile specimen of penis wielder.

I changed days just in case of the rare possibility of the colleague (or even DH!) being on here and suddenly seeing their wats app exchange replicated.

There were various dates being thrown around. The meeting is on Monday and they have to fly back Tuesday or Wednesday after follow up meetings and when other colleagues will arrive. DH is suggesting they arrive a whole day and night in advance to “go for a meal, hang out.”

I agree with others that it sounds like he is fishing. I feel embarrassed for him in that exchange.

I checked the phone again today and they are mainly wats apping about work things. He emailed his secretary, cc’ing in colleague saying “please book us 2 rooms in X (expensive) hotel and suggest a few places to eat/nightlife.”

If he knows you have access to his phone would he try ? Seems abit unlikely , but only you know that.

What are you going to do, OP?

Obviously you will stay vigilant. Has he mentioned her home troubles to you? If so, that would give you a reason to start a conversation about unhealthy reliance or getting too close for comfort.

Or will you discuss what you’ve seen?

I feel for you OP and think you are right to be on the alert. Should you see anything overtly dodgy (I hope you don't) while they are away, don't forget to screenshot it as it would all be deleted and denied/ minimised later. Your DH seems- keen.

I feel embarrassed for him in that exchange.

I concur.

suggest a few places to eat/nightlife.

Places to eat = fine

Nightlife = poor boundaries for a senior male (married) colleague

Keep watching.

Agree totally with the poster above!! Keep watching.

Oh dear. I'm glad you're embarrassed for him there as it helps to be ''turned off'' rather than love sick I find.

I'm embarrassed for the younger colleague as well that he's cc'd in a secretary, as though ''night life'' was no more than grabbing a toastie at the bar between slide shows and seminars.

He's acting in a way that makes ''The Night Life'' a given
He's acting like he's not leaving anything to chance.

Can anybody think of a film, not fatal attraction but one where the eejitty older man thinks he can be subtle, about engineering a contrived alcohol fuelled social situation where ......................he's the only boss in the village.

Lost in translation.

Christ what a stupid film.

oh god yeh, as if she would have hung out with him if she'd had netflix. They had to set it up that she was bored out of her mind to make it plausible.
Awful film, you're right.

Why would he ask the secretary to recommend places, is he/she from there? Otherwise wouldn't you just google because then you know you are looking for things you like and not just something else likes?

're: involving the secretary... one thing I've noticed from watching colleagues have affairs is they are sometimes keen for other people to know they 'hang out' (cringe term from a 40-something boss) together, even though they would deny anything sexual.

My old colleagues D and S, both married to other people, were like this. D, the bloke, would make a point of saying he had consulted S and she said such and such. A lot. Or they were take a taxi together unnecessarily and book it through work. Or they would grab lunch together in the canteen and make a big deal of laughing and insulting each other. Almost trying too hard to make it seem like just a friendship or something. Everyone knew what was going on, though.

“hang out, have lunch, have dinner, etc.”

The etc. has become nightlife.

Expensive hotel

Having secretary suggest venues.

Smooth Operator.

Oh he is. His colleague will v early on have have to make a conscious decision that possibly only her subconscious knows needs to be made. IYKWIM

I was naive about older married men when i was half their age.

Now, a man twice my age would be prince philip"s age 🤣

I think this is dodgy as fuck personally. It reads as code: 2 colleagues flirting and knowing exactly what will happen but trying to make it look legit and work-related. I don’t think the young woman is innocent or reluctant, she’s the first to mention them having a really nice dinner.

I practice employment law and think the language used by your DH is inappropriate as the much older and senior employee. A professional, older man in a position of authority over a young woman and with no nefarious intentions would be naturally mindful of making sure what he wrote couldn’t be misconstrued. Talking about having lunch or even dinner is fine, but not in this context where this zero reference to work preparation, or the meeting, and where his intention seems to be to maximise their time together. Likewise talking about “having time to explore Singapore” or “time to do some sight-seeing or shopping” (together) would be absolutely fine; talking about simply “hanging out”? Not so much.

I find it odd that he’s not suggested that she might want some free time to explore the area alone, it’s all about the two of them spending time together. If she needs a break then she might want to just chill out alone. I’d be a bit uncomfortable but it’s hard to say there’s anything particularly suspicious in the texts.

If she said that now, he'd be put out and it'd be awkward.

If you are snooping your DHs phone, your relationship is halfway to finished.
Not many people have said this so I will put it in capital letters:
SNOOPING IS NOT NORMAL OR ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR
Whther he has his cock in his coworker is kind of moot as your behaviour demonstrates that your trust has collapsed and no doubt communications between you have too.
If he does have his cock in the coworker, then that's cheating and he will no doubt be tarred, feathered and dragged through the streets, but I cannot condone reading personal comms without permission.

Imagine walking in on him rifling through your handbag, studying your browsing history or reading your original post and identifying himself ... Or if his coworker identified herself and alerted DH.

How do you know she doesn’t have permission CuriousBloke?

I travel for work a lot and I think this is absolutely fine. Expensive hotel - well yes, if you’re travelling a long way, you’ll get jet lag and will need a decent night’s sleep. Nightlife usually means a drink (or session) in a local bar before bed. Nothing wrong with trying good restaurants and nice food. And why would the co-worker want to explore the area on her own? Sightseeing is always more interesting with other people, and is always part of a foreign business trip, fitting it in where you can, or possibly tagging on an extra day.

If your husband’s going to have an affair, he will have one. He doesn’t need a trip to Singapore for it. Most of the men I know who have had affairs are married to someone who stays home with the kids.

OP said: I changed days just in case of the rare possibility of the colleague (or even DH!) being on here and suddenly seeing their wats app exchange replicated.

Why change the dates if she has permission?