DH and younger female colleague’s wats app exchange. Dodgy?

[ashamforallseasons]

Context is they have a new client in Singapore who they have been given the option to either schedule a phone meeting with or visit (at their own company’s expense.)

DH: can you do either 15,16 or 17 may in Singapore?
Colleague: yes! Exciting! Who’s coming?
DH: you and me. Have a look at the flight options and let’s make a plan. Ok?
Colleague: yes, really looking forward.
DH: cool 😎
Colleague: OK I looked. Flights are tricky. I want to get there in time to have a day and a really nice dinner that first evening as the rest will be work.
DH: Next time!
DH: Or we stay an extra night and make a day of it?
Colleague: let’s see.
DH: we can always go back another time
DH: ok i’ve Looked at flights again. We can have a long lunch that first day?
Colleague: ok. I’m looking forward. Can’t wait to get a break.
DH: alternatively could you fly early Sunday?
Colleague: what time on Sunday?
DH: early, so we can hang out, have lunch, have dinner etc.
Colleague: ok great. It is better we do this meeting in person, isn’t it?
DH: yes. If you want to come later on Sunday it’s okay too.
Colleague: no; the longer away the better for me. Just want a break.

I’d have no problems with my dh having that conversation with a colleagues.

It must suck to be you, checking up on your poor dh and reading so much into a normal conversation.

Still when you eventually drive him away with your accusations, you can glow in the warm bask of ‘I told you so’

You have a shitty attitude to your relationship, get help or leave him, but don’t try to make out that you’re the victim, I truly pity your dh.

This wouldn’t make me worried at all. I agree with pp that it sounds like getting a bit more out of a work trip without rushing about. She sound like she needs a rest rather than hankering after your DH.

Thank god a couple more voices of reason have appeared.

I’d consider myself a “cool wife” Andrew my husband travels a lot... but planning long lunches or candle lit dinners on a trip that doesn’t even need to be taken - let alone saying “next time” and “we can go again” would have alarm bells ringing.

I wouldn't like it

My husband isn’t called Andrew, damn auto correct.

Oh and btw as far as I’d guess, the colleague is fairly young and naive but your DH is totally fishing.

I used to have conversations like this with my boss all the time, especially when going somewhere neither of us had been to before. Perfectly fine.

My dh has stretched work trips as have I. Sometimes it’s nice to have downtime during work travel. You get sick of going to these fab places and not seeing anything at all of them.

Nothing wrong with taking advantage of one extra night/earlier or later flights.

Totally depends on the personalities involved, whether DH has form for infidelity or inappropriate attachments, whether there are other examples of their behaviour that make you suspicious etc.

If this were my DH then I wouldn’t bat an eye. I trust him (as much as you can trust anyone) and it would not be out of character for him to be friendly with a colleague. He would speak like this to either a male or female. On the other hand, I (unfortunately) know men who would raise massive red flags with this behaviour because they have form for cheating and aren’t generally interested in friendships beyond “ladz bantz” and wouldn’t bother giving a young woman the time of day unless they thought they could get in her pants. Depends which type of character your DH is.

Thank god a couple more voices of reason have appeared.

You mean voices who agree with you.

You mean voices who agree with you.

Yes exactly.

I truly pity your dh

Most passive aggressive comment ever!

I just couldn’t live with that level of paranoia. It would exhaust me.

And I wouldn’t see the point in being married to dh if I didn’t trust him not to shag a colleague on a work trip.

I’m not a “cool wife”. Just a wife who doesn’t assume a long lunch or dinner means he’s fucking someone else. 🤷‍♀️

Just a wife who doesn’t assume a long lunch or dinner means he’s fucking someone else

You're right, it doesn't mean he is but it's a good place to start.

@NannyRed, what a viscous little post. Says more about you as a dick then the op posing the question.

So on this thread we've got the people who do these kind of trips (me included) and say it's innocent, we all talk like this re. Work trips. Then we have the wives who are suspicious and don't like it.

Well, I know who is be more inclined to believe.

Err, that should be vicious. Damn you auto correct!

I can imagine a conversation between myself and colleagues like that and it would be completely innocent.

However, I also think I would have an issue if it was DH.

So I'm no help but I HAVE established I have double standards

I’m not a “cool wife”. Just a wife who doesn’t assume a long lunch or dinner means he’s fucking someone else.

In most cases, people don’t go straight from being faithful spouses to fucking someone else in the blink of an eye... they take baby steps first, like planning unnecessary trips away with long lunches or cozy dinners.

The key is what he tells you.

If he says.... really looking forward to this work trip, mind if me and x make the most of it and go a day early?

Anything else - then this is very dodgy

Although even if the former, I still think something is likely going on. Albeit in infancy

Everything the colleague has said sounds fine. I'd want to make sure I got to actually see Singapore if I'd travelled all that way.

A couple of things Husband has said seem slightly fishy, trying to extended the trip / spend extra time. Maybe they just get on well as colleagues though. At this point I wouldn't be overly worried. Cautious maybe. Monitor the situation.

Nothing to see here. All fine. Just two people excited about going away on companies expense. Why don’t you join them as well and get free hotel, just pay for the flights?

My DH has a lot of work trips, sometimes he adds a day, sometimes he travels with others of either sex.
This exchange wouldn't worry me on its own. Do you have any other reason to be concerned?

FFS, why are normal, rational & intelligent women who disagree with the needy people, who get excited about absolutely nothing on here labelled “cool wives”?

I would not be happy with this...
Saying things like "next time"

I would be questioning him over this

I blame “Gone Girl” for the cringy term.