Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@MrDrummer @kerkyra just to throw my 2 pennies worth in re the dating with kids v no kids thing - I think it's really down to the people involved and should be treat on an individual basis. I have plenty of friends in their 30's and 40's - both male and female, single and attached - who have always stated they didn't want children, and still do.
On paper I guess I thought I would be better with someone with kids around my own age for practicality reasons but I've ended up with someone 11 years younger who has no children. We have discussed it and I'm fully aware he may decide he wants his own later down the line but I think that things like this get talked through and worked out as you go along, I don't think it should be a reason not to date someone.
In terms of being spontaneous, it's maybe more difficult with kids but not impossible. My partner treats my kids as though they were his own, he works his schedule around theirs wherever possible. Someone who accepts you as a whole package will be happy to work around any obstacles IMO and I don't think you can judge someone based purely on whether they've got their own children or not.

@MrDrummer I'm another who doesn't think you should rule out women without kids. They may not have had a choice in the matter like infertility or the stars didn't align for them to find a partner. They may also have busy lives anyhow and enjoy the planning and scheduling. They could well welcome getting to know you and your kids.

Thanks Wishy. Good advice.

Another reason I may go younger if that I've found men in their fifties with grown up children are into numerous holidays (even travelling) and I can't do that. They want loads of weekends away! The last two long terms got frustrated as I couldn't just drop things and it all took so much planning my end with son
I'm happy with the odd holiday and trip but I am in a different place to them at the moment !

@kerkyra I couldn't cope with that 😆 whenever my partner plans anything for just the 2 of us it's always 'when do we have the children' not 'when do you have the children' - planning things around them has become 2nd nature to him so it never feels like a hinderance to him that I have them. In fact I think he enjoys planning things to do with them more than he does with me sometimes! 😆

My advice would be to date whoever you want and decide whether you like them or not first, just enjoy it for what it is. As and when things progress these discussions can be had and decisions made

I've found travelling an issue with a lot of mid 30s, @kerkyra
As you say, a holiday is great but when you have commitments, you can't be heading overseas backpacking for 6 weeks at a moments notice.
And I'm finding a lot of the profiles I look at (age range 32 to 45) say they are looking for a traveling partner.

@putastrawunderbaby Kerkyra and I had a discussion IRL about how to make ones profile attractive to the person you would be attracted to and the great (!) debate we had about one of my pictures, which was more about who I am than what I look like, got me thinking about what I really want rather than, I know when I see it.

I guess in your case, it is pretty obvious from your OLD pics and no doubt some are put off by that and other men are attracted to that, but it depends on what you are looking for. I seem to attract more short blonde-haired mummsy types.

@kerkyra @midcenturylegs Given what you say about the starbucks coffee thing, I am really surprised you are doing OLD. You are meeting blokes whom you have only had the briefest of times to get to know, then you are meeting with them face-to-face, your drink is potentially accessible, etc. Plus we know the guy is potentially into you. That seems way riskier than the starbucks thing. I never thought of it from a stranger danger point of view mainly because the stranger never handles the drink and you are in the safety of your car.

@DaffoDeffo You are at the starbucks drive-through and you tell the barista you want to pay for the car behind. They charge you for yours and again for the car behind and you drive off. The car behind collects their drinks in the normal way. There is no opportunity to tamper with the drink; no personal risk more than usual, in fact. Last time I did it, the barista said he loves it when people do it. Maybe its an area/cultural thing.

Sorry haven't read the thread but just wanted to shout out that MrWow came round for coffee and told me that he love's me! . He always loved me and admits me seeing MrGardener and then blocking him really broke his heart. So, we are back on, boyfriend and girlfriend. We have both had others and know that what we had together was special. We are giving it another shot. I am so happy. Haven't stopped smiling. He's coming back soon to spend the rest of the evening/night. Oh boy. Who knew! Not me for sure.

taking the piss out of your partner to gain that attention

Horrible. Yes definitely narcissistic. They thrive from negative attention/fuel. I think it takes quite a long time to emotionally recover from being with someone like that.

My seperared/deceased DW

You are widowed too? My separated DH died last month :(

MrWow came round for coffee and told me that he love's me!

Wowsa! Congrats! How long have you known this guy?

TooOld that is lovely, congrats

Oh tooold so pleased for you and my wow 🙌

I really want some advice but waiting for the new thread as convos seem to get lost in thread crossovers 😂

@LooUpdate So sorry to hear that . We had been separated for a long time but in constant contact for dd's sake, whom lived with her. Was absolutely life changing and didn't really matter that we were separated, tbh. How are you feeling? Are you getting enough support?

I don't know what to call her on here. None of the usual initials seem to fit.

@TooOldForThis67 My God that's exceptional news!!! Yay xxx

Just left coffee date - a gorgeous gorgeous guy - not for me for logistic reasons but I think I have made a new friend and so nice to meet a decent bloke!

Was absolutely life changing and didn't really matter that we were separated, tbh.

It certainly is. I'm quite tearful on a daily basis tbh. We had been separated for 5 years but had remained good friends. The kids are being braver than me. When did your DW die? Was it cancer?

I really want some advice but waiting for the new thread as convos seem to get lost in thread crossovers 😂

Sorry posted twice!

Sorry looupdate and drummer

@LooUpdate It's quite understandable how you feel. We had been separated about 7 years.. Month in, I was still a mess. She took her own life, which adds a further complication, but I would recommend both you and the kids have counselling. DD was unaffected for ages but then broke hard a year or two later. So, so sorry :(

tooOld you have a boyfriend and not only that,the man you always wanted....so pleased for you xx

Hope we can help you sort Marlboro

die, thread, die!