Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Just catching up after my lovely weekend with MrSAS 😊

@shiteithsugaron I’m glad to hear things are going well with you. My period hadn’t quite disappeared at the start of the weekend, as I thought it had and we ended up getting carried away but he was so cool about it. My immediate reaction was feeling embarrassed about messing up his sheets a bit but he found it a massive turn on
That’s a first for me and I didn’t even have to wash the sheets 😂

@MrDrummer the egg thing is weird! I took an egg for MrSAS but mostly because I was staying at his for trhe weekend and it was Easter while I was there so thought it good manners! He hasn’t got me one and I didn’t for one minute expect one but we popped to the supermarket and he bought me one while we were there 😊
She sounds like hard work for a FWB situation!

@MrDrummer I think she was testing you, but not in a good way (is there ever a good way?!). To ask for an egg, and a specific egg but not reciprocate is just weird and rather selfish IMO. Like you’re her little lap dog bringing her treats. That would be a real turn off for me.

I don’t think I’ve ever tested a man - I have expectations and if they’re not met I might be a little disappointed but I’ve never consciously tested anyone.

@MrDrummer what a weird thing to do! I'd never dream of asking for an egg, or anything for that matter, from anyone. I'd be completely miffed by it too!
@vwman we don't all 'shit test' men. A) I really couldn't be arsed and B) if a man is a shit then it will present itself without any need for tests
'He buys me an egg if I tell him to' is a strange quality to want in a man IMO

Obviously if it hadn't been discussed and I turned it with an Easter egg and she hadn't gotten one, it would have been fine. If she had just forgotten one, it would have been fine. If it was a simple test, she could have simply got one to reciprocate having asked me for one, or told me not to bother. It's not the cost of the egg, obviously. All the responses so far about non-reciprocated eggs have been quite different and understandable.

Seriously thinking of calling it a day, tbh. I can't dtd with someone whom I have a lack of trust in and the whole point of FWB was to avoid mind-games. :(

Drummer the egg things sounds wierd and manipulative. I haven't got any time or patience for people like that.
I've had a lovely weekend and think I'm very slowly sideways shuffling towards this smitten bench I've heard mention of.
Must admit though to feeling a bit emotional inside when we just lay in bed cuddling and chatting into the early hours of Sunday morning, and realised how much was crappy about my marriage and how my STBXW made me feel. Don't think I'd quite realised how much she'd slowly destroyed my confidence and feeling of self worth, and how much I make excuses for her or try to pass it off as normal.
I dropped MissOz at the airport yesterday afternoon and she's now away for 10 days, we've both agreed this will be a good test of how we feel. Will we miss each other or will we realise we're not that bothered. But I think we're both quite confident it will be the former.
To all those feeling miserable over the bank holiday just remember you're all in a much better place compared to your previous marriages and relationships. You don't need a man or woman to be happy, you're all more than capable of that on your own and with your children

I wouldn't shag someone who treated me that way mrdrummer if that's any help!

all the people I have shagged are kind, can't do mean people!

Hi all

I'm not sure about the Easter egg mr drummer but to me it looks like she wants a relationship and this fwb set up isn't enough for her. Have a week off to think about it as you do have so much on at the moment. Did you put your profile up on pof as I still can't see it. Hugs to you.
Not heard a peep from village man
Mr marvel is txting asking if he has done something wrong and i'm just ignoring. Yes! you made arrangements to meet me,i waited at home for you to confirm and then I get a random txt five hours later saying 'hi'. So he lost out.
man who I was going to the museum with does random txting but no plans so I've moved on.
Pof seemed to get busy last night and I chatted to a few.
May have a date tomorrow and someone of Friday but not going to overinvest this time

Brilliant news shit, he sounds great

Damn. Date for tonight has just cried off sick. Totally haven't invested in him emotionally, haven't even met him etc, but he was the most interesting guy I'd chatted to for sometime so it is a bit of a shame. I've sent a "sorry to hear you're unwell" msg but have left it at that.
Funnily enough my friends who share the same local as him have just asked me to go out with them there this aft. Tempted :-)

That's a shame mid,lets hope he still chats and can rearrange. I sometimes wonder if when they cry off sick that's it's genuine? If you see him at the pub later you know not! ( But that's just me and i'm sure he will rearrange)

shitwith so pleased for you

Still nothing happening for me ☹️ Talking to one on tinder but not my type. Mr Local hasn’t been in touch since Friday.

Supposed to see Mr Big tomorrow but I don’t think I am going to go. We played message tennis all Friday but then nothing on sat and he replied when I messaged yesterday but didn’t really engage. I don’t think I am built for no strings attached. I want someone to actually want me and make an effort. Think it might be time to say bye to Mr Big. He takes up far too much of my headspace

I think I am coming off fab as well. So fed up of the filth and I can see Mr Big is on there a lot looking for “socials” so fed up today ☹️

What is fab?

I've shit tested men in the super super early stages. Mainly its to see how rigid or controlling they are. I insisted on a call before a meet. Shit test or not? Ill see if they'll come my direction or not. How willing are they to compromise. To be fair i think humans dating generally do this all the time. Men do it too.

Fabswingers. I thought I was looking for FWBs but I’m not so gonna delete it I think

supercali77 those are great suggestions. I often ask the guy to come to me, so I guess I'm a shit-tester

And yes, men definitely shit test.

Drummer if you call it a day (totally understandable and I'd do the same) make sure you tell her why.

realised how much was crappy about my marriage and how my STBXW made me feel. Don't think I'd quite realised how much she'd slowly destroyed my confidence and feeling of self worth, and how much I make excuses for her or try to pass it off as normal.

Oh God, reading this triggered off some feels in me. She sounds like my ex. Was she a narcissist?

Marlboroandmalbec34 I think I'll check out fab, just to see if any of my potential irons are on there Now THAT is a shit test.

looupdate you will struggle to find them as people don’t use their names or face pics and only send them by pm. You will be inundated by messages but so many men I have spoke to on fab have also been on bumble and tinder

I am another one who had never heard of a shit test. Now I know, the ex- did that all the time. It wasn't particularly about gifts or whatnot, but subtle "if you love me, you would .." or "a decent man would ...". It becomes hard to determine where you're genuinely failing or actually having your chain yanked. In your case Mr Drummer, it could be as Kerkyra says, a strong hint that she wants something more out of the arrangement.

Thanks @kerkyra - it could be genuine, I hope so because he seemed very laid back and funny! Always worth giving people the benefit of the doubt - but also - it's not as if he owes me any explanation etc, chatting a bit via WA but that's it.
Have lots of matches waiting in my Bumble queue so now going to start chatting!

looupdate I don't know, but yes I'm sure some of those traits could be used to describe her. If constantly wanting to be the centre of attention and taking the piss out of your partner to gain that attention is narcissistic then probably yes. I came to realise last year that she had no interest in what I had to say when we were with friends and would quite happily just interrupt or talk over the top of me. I just ended up not bothering because it annoyed me so much.
Don't want this to be one sided though, I have plenty of faults and share the blame for the marriage ending.
I'll leave it there as I don't want to sidetrack the thread, but I'm doing a lot of reflecting today which is pretty tough tbh. But being with somebody who is funny and confident without being self centred has helped me realise I deserve a hell of a lot better than I had :)

Thanks for all the advice on the egg situation.

I called her up and we had a full and hopefully frank discussion on the matter. I re-framed it as, "Imagine it was Xmas presents" and she seemed to get it. Said I had spoken to a trusted friend or two (that's you lot ) whom agreed that it wasn't right. She said it was an off-the-cuff remark and she didn't mean anything by it and got defensive when I was asking if she felt guilty. She said it wasn't any kind of test or head-game and I have known her for a while already as friend only, and she doesn't strike me as the type. I might have gotten the test part wrong from the convo last night. She apologised for the upset.

Whilst some of doesn't make sense still, at least I feel like my emotions were validated (both here- thank-you again - and there), and I am calm about it now. So I will be drawing the matter to a close, in my mind. No plans to meet up til later in the week, anyway. I will be a bit more cautious if anything like that crops up again.

Tbh mr drummer it all sounds odd. Her for asking you to get her one and you for keep harping on about it and asking her if she felt guilty numerous times. It’s a bloody Easter egg!!!