Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks @MarcMyWords wow, 2 decades gap must have been really hard to start again.
I totally thought I had all my shit together when I first started this but it turns out I didn't and it's knocked me back, but I'm not going to let it put me off. And I definately must memorise the rules, especially 3 and 5 like you say!

@Marcmywords I’m glad you managed to sort it out with your GF. It has become apparent to me that it will take someone very special for me to let them in. It’s easier just to keep my dating life and my family very separate, which is fine on the whole as I want guys to date Sidge and not Mum. But ultimately it leads to a very lonely life.

Nobody really understands what it’s like - how can they? But a guy that makes an effort to understand and can make allowances for my rather challenging situation is a rare find.

I just need to find him 🤣🤣

After my wobble with the stbxh and his bomb drop last week, this week he has exceeded himself and dropped the entire worlds fire power on my head announcing that he wants us back together and will do 'whatever it takes'...which would mean being able to turn back the clock before he started the affair.

I think it is because he has worked out I have started dating and is jealous that I am moving on from him. I'm so annoyed that I am letting myself be bothered by his revelation, it's making me doubt whether I should be dating at all now if I'm so easily upset by him.

30something you need to turn this on its head. Be utterly delighted that you have moved on so much that he is getting jealous! Well done you! Don't forget exes have the ability to hurt for a long time after you've broken up with them - it really is just part of life sadly. Don't, whatever you do, let it threaten the massive progress you've made! You've done so well - he's an arse and he lost you and what a fool he is!

I think it's completely normal to feel that way 30somethingandsingle. I'm completely over my ex and even the thought of getting back with him and dealing with his shit makes me feel nauseous. But I would still be knocked if he said something like that .

30something I agree with DaffoDeffo. Today my ex gave me the biggest egg he has ever given me and he even remembered I only like dark chocolate. He's now not sure if he wants a divorce. Dick. They had their chance with us and blew it and now it's just a dent to their ego to lose their power and see us doing so well. My ex doesn't have anyone else - and so maybe just doesn't want to be on his own? I don't know what's going on his head but I am going to ignore him and keep moving on with my life, you should do that too.

But...If there's the slightest possibility that you think you might want to get back together read some of the threads here on women who've taken their dh back after an affair and see the demands they've placed on the man. This isn't an overnight decision and he should be willing to wait as long as it takes for you to think about it so don't take any pressure. My guess is he won't wait that long because he's a twat.

@Sidge yeah me too. There's date peanuthedz and mum peanuthedz and ne'er the twain shall meet. Hence my bf is totally unsuitable. I cannot imagine letting someone into my daily life. My ex was so controlling and I was so miserable for so long I'm terrified that would happen again.

@30somethingandsingle Oh they're so predictable. So you're looking blooming and clearly getting over him... and now he's popped up. His loss

Not blooming, glowing! Wrong thread for blooming... 🤣

@ItsAMiracle2015 She has been receiving therapy from the NHS for about 6 months. She had roughly the same time through CAMHS. Both times, they came up against this relationship as a very destructive force in her life and both times, they were essentially thwarted by it. She says she understands the damage that it does to her, but she just won't do what's needed.

Something else I ought to mention is that she has been quite abusive in the past towards him. So, this hasn't been one sided. I tried to persuade him to split with her for his own sanity once.

I need to look at the section on Codependency. Term I had not come across before, but I will have a read.

I still command some authority with the bf (he is shit scared of me- despite me being as soft as a teddy bear, I can play the hard bastard act), so maybe I will try to talk to him face to face. If they do split, I am dreading it. It will be like a nuclear explosion and I will be sat in the heart of it.

I read the "Listen Up" initial thread (1st post so far) and I have to disagree on one aspect. People sometimes do kill themselves when partners leave. Take it from me. :(

Guys, do you think if I put 'windowed' on my profile it would scare people off? I technically am one.

@MrDrummer

@LooUpdate talking as a man I would wonder how long ago it was and whether you were still grieving. May chose to contact others ahead of you due to this uncertainty

I’m back again, had first date and got second date pencilled in. Not had a second date for years. I’m quite hopeful, he seems nice.

I posted earlier about recently meeting someone from OLD after been single for 7 yrs. It finished this week rather messily and with unanswered questions on my part. I massively broke the rules by overinvesting. I was blaming myself for a large part of it not working out due to probably been insecure starting again after so long.
Turns out I should have trusted my instincts as it looks like he has got back with his ex who there was obviously unfinished business with, so it wasn't me after all which in some way is a relief but feeling really upset by it now.
OLD is brutal.

Sorry to read so many are having a bad time, me too!
Got ghosted by MrGardener on last day of my holiday!!
I have no clue why. We msg every day while I was on holiday then blocked on WhatsApp. I have tried every other means of contacting him but not a word. Just don't get it although I do as it happens to others.

So, am back just being friends with MrWow and he's popping round for coffee tomorrow yes, really. Also in contact with MrBE, who says it was me that backed off, nope, it was him. Not sure whether he's worth another shot and maybe I'm just bored and clutching at staws.

Agree with others, it's horrible being single when it's a long w/e and the sun is shining!

tooold was wondering where you were! Sorry about Mr Gardener. Bloody he’ll there really are some twats! Tbh Mr BE always seems a bit hot and cold from what you said here. Up to you but I think I would stay clear. Can Mr wow offer you what you want?

It's awful isn't it @TooOld
I'm really feeling fed up today. I drove past some park yesterday where there were loads of families doing Easter egg hunts and all sorts of good wholesome family stuff, and I thought FFS.
I have done all that stuff with my DC over the years and enjoyed it but it would be nice to not always be the single mum when it's all happy families

@CKfan - yeah it sucks! My son has ASD so even going out and doing fun stuff with him is difficult. I know MrWow is being nice and I hope he hasn't got ulterior motives.

@Too old yes it sucks. My eldest son has ASD, he is an adult now but still needs support, it can be mentally exhausting.

Sorry to hear that too literally can't believe he did that to you-I had high hopes for you guys-angry on your behalf.🤬 to echo pp I also wouldn't bother with Mr BE - think you deserve better and you're probably only considering entertaining it out of boredom. Sending hugs x

So sorry to hear that tooold what a cowardly piece of work
Just had a nasty, aggressive message on Fab because I wouldn't drop everything and go out to meet someone last night at 10.30. FFS what is wrong with people..... Not sure how much longer I can keep doing this.

MarcMyWords , no don't turn it into a competition, there is always someone worse off than you, best not to wallow in self pity

LooUpdate if being widowed is a thing that you feel says something important about you, then put it in the profile.
I read somewhere that there is an online forum for younger widows, I suspect you may find more useful advice there. I think attracting a certain type of weirdo may possibly be an issue with publicising it.

I am still not swiping right on anyone, however I have been having a very intermittent whatsapp conversation with someone that "hello'd" me quite a while ago, this escalated somewhat and I now find myself in the very awkward situation of having an actual date to go on tomorrow.
Literal first date nerves, I am just trying to not think about it, since I feel like I couldn't talk about it anyway. Frankly it will a successful day if I can get through it without major blunt force trauma, or just breaking down in tears, which isn't too high a bar really.

A few days ago, FWB asked me if I was planning to get her an Easter egg... I replied... um, I wasn't thinking about it but do you want one? She replied yes and so I asked what one she liked. She asked for a specific one and I bought her that one.

I went round tonight and gave her the egg, assuming that she would reciprocate. She didn't. I was really miffed by this and she couldn't see anything wrong, saying she doesn't buy people eggs and she never said she would buy me one.

I am wrong about this?

@MrDrummer you are going through a lot

@shitwithsugaron Happy News! It is so good when things go well.