Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@shitwithsugaron yeah. I might. At this point im thinking back on his descriptions of previous relationships. All short. His descriptions of the endings paint them all as the unreasonable ones. 'Sakes! So many flags I ignored. I almost don't want to give him the sodding pleasure.

@midcenturylegs Believe me I almost did but it was very early morning and I fell back to sleep before my rage could properly take over. He apologised later but....its a peek under the exterior.

@ponyprincess yep that's what it felt like.

I normally don't go for separated women due to concerns that there are unresolved emotional issues, especially when her profile says fed up of cheaters, but lets see how it goes with Miss Lidl

@vwman I am separated and will be for at least another year as me and my ex h agreed to wait 2 years before divorcing. We are very much divorcing though so I would hate to think men wouldn't want to come near me until I have my decree absolute. I'm not sure having that piece of paper means no more unresolved emotional issues either. I know a lot of bitter divorced people!

Daffo it was me that sent flowers because she's in bed poorly, we're 5 dates in and exclusive. I definitely wouldn't take a gift to a 1st date that's just trying too hard!
Sunshine I'm seperated almost 7 months, divorce currently going through. I wouldn't be put off by anybody in your situation, but some might be clearly.

Just catching up on the end of the last thread and this new thread. supercali yes I agree with everyone else, his behaviour sounds abusive. My long term ex was like that. He slowly but surely undermined me and wrecked my self confidence. I would not waste any more time with him.

vwman I think it is unwise to make sweeping judgements about a group of people. Some people, as Sunshine has pointed out, may well not be divorcing for practical reasons and be completely ready to date again. I once dated a guy who had been separated for quite a few years and wasn't going to formally divorce until his kids had left school (they were teenagers). However both he and his ex were seeing other people.

@Sunshineandflipflops the last separated woman I had a date with had separated 4 weeks earlier from a Vicar who she said was becoming aggressive and threatening and scared her. She admitted that her friend wrote her profile and she gets her teenage sons do the swiping! I guess you can be separated for 4 weeks or 2 years, something to ask her about upfront

Any news from @Matchedandmuddled on her coffee date yesterday morning?

Gosh yet another thread, we do talk a lot don’t we?!

So I met Mr Mystery last night - I’d finished it last week as he wanted FWB and I was getting the feelz so thought it best to switch it off now. He was rather shocked, met me at the airport in the middle of the night as he wanted to see me and took me out last night as he wanted to try and change my mind.

I stuck firm. Then he admitted that he sees it as more than FWB and wants to continue and see how it goes. Apparently I’m rather irresistible and have made quite an impact 😁

So budge up on the Smitten Bench!

@vwman Ok, so that would put me off too but like you say, separation is different for everyone. I started dating a man last year who was 'separated' and it turned out he had only been separated a few weeks and they ended up getting back together 5 weeks later! It wouldn't put me off dating another separated man though...i would just ask more questions and be less naive that all separated people on dating sites are actually in a place to date again!

Kin2 lol

@Sidge Yeay!!!

Well I've been separated for nearly two years. Relationship was dead for at least 5. No idea when we'll get divorced have complicated finances. No drama. Ex has a serious gf. Good for him. I dated a man who was still married after 10 years. You can't make a sweeping decision. We're all different.

Hi ladies! So glad to have found this place (even changed my name for the occasion). I'm mid-thirties, three kids and have been OLD for around a month.

Cannot wait to read all your experiences and share mine

Does anyone else have a spreadsheet of irons, or is it just me?

Oooh @Kin2 gossip! We'll all be reading back through the old threads...

Ah kin2 we need to know!

looupdate welcome! I considered a spreadsheet in my first month but then it all slowed down a bit (or I overinvested in one and lost interest in the rest)

I am separated and mid divorce. I AM ready to date but I don’t think I am ready for anything too serious.

@Sidge Yeay!!!

You are happy about her not listening to what a guy is telling her ? Ie he just wants FWB ? As they say elsewhere on MN "listen to what he is telling you "

@LilyRose88 thanks! Yes I'm glad to hear on here I'm not being unreasonable and my guts functioning. You know what's great? At this age we recognise this crap and get to walk away before they do a proper number on us. Wisdom is the business!

Listening to some lizzo and planning a girls weekend. Coming out feeling strong

@sidge yaaas! Airport feeling-confessions love it!

@TheStuffedPenguin i read the comment as....hes also changed his mind about just being fwb?

Marlboroandmalbec34 The dreaded over-investment! I'm trying not to fall foul of that, although I have done in the past.

I've got a decent spreadsheet going at the moment: ID/name, Age, Kids, Qualifications/career, Topics of conversation, Positives, Potential red flags, Reasons for elimination (if he gets the boot).

I'm finding it very useful in seeing the bigger picture of each guy.

"listen to what he is telling you "

Sadly, 100% this.

@TheStuffedPenguin no he’s changed his mind and realised he wants more than FWB too. So we are ‘courting’ as my old granny used to say.

supercali sounds like he defo wants more the FWB to me

Kin2 spill the beans (by PM if necessary!). I am so over-invested in this thread . I haven't had any dodgy PMs but I can see how asking others to review our profiles can lead to phone numbers being exchanged and WhatsApp messages suggesting meet ups.

Sidge hope it all goes well.

supercali I wish I had had such a supportive group of online 'friends' when I was going through such a bad time with my ex. I was too embarrassed to tell my real life friends and a bit scared to post on Relationships or AIBU as there would have been immediate cries of LTB. And whilst that was what I needed to do, sometimes I find the responses on the other Boards here can be a bit critical and I was nervous about being flamed for having put up with his crap for so long. There are some long term posters on those boards who are pretty harsh!

@LilyRose88 yeah I've seen some of those threads and while ... a person can sit there thinking leave the bastard .. it's obvious. It's totally different in the midst of it. They make you think black is white. You're wrong as a basic fact is how you end up. So it's not helpful at all. Glad you're out of it though. Onwards and upwards and never again eh!

Placemarking

supercali yes is feels so good to be free. I do understand that posters on those boards can be in denial and end up defending their partner or ignoring advice, but having been in an abusive situation I know that it takes courage to fully recognise what is going on and then end the relationship.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. It has made me far more discerning about who I date, and what I tolerate in a relationship. My daughters tell me that I am fussy, and I always say: and why not!