Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

[supercali77]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@MrDrummer she isn't your girlfriend, don't expect her to act like she is your girlfriend

Tooold- that’s so odd. Hope you get answers.
Drummer- you are not wrong. Sounds like a cow. Just keep talking to your daughter. Some words will go in 💐

I've been taking to someone I will call Miss Mabel. I give women I am talking to old fashioned names and tell them that they will be known by that name until I get to know them. Two days ago I spoke to her on the phone, it was going well, I just made her laugh out loud. Suddenly she stopped the conversation and said her friends had arrived. Yesterday I was trying to set up a meet and said "should I call you to arrange", she replied that it was difficult as her brother and partner were there. I told her "It feels like I am setting up a meet in an illicit affair? Are you really single or in an unhappy relationship looking for a lover?" She has not replied yet.

I am a single man I really miss sex, and having regular sex would be very welcome in a FWB situation, but I am not going hurt another man. I suspect she is setting up her next relationship before she ends her previous one. If that is the case I am not interested as she will do that to me.

I will see whether she ghosts me or answers my question.

@vwman we were friends before FWB. She is not a fuck buddy. Forget about the benefits aspect. Would still be miffed even if we were just friends.

mrdrummer you are entitled to be miffed. That was rude of her. Doesn’t matter whether she’s your FWB or your gf or just a friend.

@MrDrummer perhaps indicates a difference in emotional investment between you and the way she feels.

It would have been okay of she forgot. Or even if she apologized at the time. But she was insistent that she did nothing wrong. When I got home, she apologized by text but I said there is nothing to apologize if she thinks she didn't do anything wrong. She said she must have done if it upset me. I just said it was a difference of expectation and left it at that. I asked her last night why she would ask me. She said it was to see what I would say... A test of sorts. I didn't follow up why she felt the need to test me. I just said she should have told me not to get it in that case. Something that was supposed to be simple has gotten a bit weird.

vwman how hard can it be to be honest! I suspect you're right as a lot of people do that. I quite liked the breaks between my relationships but so many people use the excitement of a new relationship to 'smother' the disappointment of leaving the old one.

@MrDrummer that's serious game playing. Demanding an egg from you then not getting you one. And also rude. I think even demanding an egg is rude. Let alone the rest.

@vwman that's a massive assumption! It's BH weekend, phone calls are incredibly intrusive. You haven't even met her, you're demanding to phone her. Then you accuse her of being in a relationship because she's busy. If she were posting on here what would the reaction be? Hopefully she won't ghost you but I doubt you'll hear from her again.

@MrDrummer women do "shit test" a man either intentionally or unintentionally, they are actually a good thing. Often it is to see whether you have the qualities she is looking for and perhaps when she is thinking about a relationship. If you deal with the situation without acting badly or negatively then you have passed the test. I Wonder whether the women here realise that this is something they do.

@TooOldForThis67 I'm so sorry about Mr Gardner. I try to believe that everything happens for a reason although I struggle with that sometimes. He wasn't right for you. Because clearly he's a cowardly shit.

Mr wow is back again. That's all saying.

@ccgirr same goes for the piece of shut who ghosted you after 3 months. 3 months. FFS.

Sorry everyone's feeling a bit low. Holidays are so difficult. Families and couples. I learned my lesson last year on a sunny bank holiday when I decided to just go out and enjoy myself alone anyway. Went to Hampstead Heath. Big mistake. Hundreds of couples, picnicking families. Ended up home in tears. We'll all be back moaning at work again tomorrow.

@MrDrummer I agree with PP, she is playing a little mind game to see what you would do, to see whether you like her enough to do what she asks. TBH I've jokingly done it with dates and they have bought me little things like an Easter egg but I think with a friends/FWB situation, it would be blurring the lines a bit.

Oh god. I have never shit tested a man. It's manipulative. I think it's possible to work out a man's priorities and qualities by their actions without setting them secret tasks.

Peanutz thanks but wasn’t me. Lol. I feel so bad for that person though. I am just generally wobbly about not having someone 24 7. Know it’s my own insecurities though in logical moments

mrdrummer sadly my DD has never witnessed a healthy relationship either. But we do talk a lot about what is good/bad behaviour. She’s only young and had her first relationship last year. I spotted some controlling behaviour and I talked to her about it, and also directly to him. However the behaviour was much worse than I realised but my DD did have the courage to end things, which I am very proud of. She has low self esteem and other MH issues.

I’m also feeling guilty Mr S got me some easter chocolate and I didn’t get him anything. Although I did apologise! I didn’t expect him to get me anything.

tooold I’m so disappointed to hear about Mr Gardener. Things seemed to be going so well between you. And who ghosts someone like that. What a total twunt. So Mr Wow...

VWMan are you a troll? So many things you say set me on edge. You call your irons an old fashioned name before you decide they have earned their own name from you?? You seem to have a very jaded and misogynistic view of women.

@Peanuthedz I have not accused her I have asked her, I am just sharing my thoughts here and welcome your comments. But certain things do not add up for me, others I have not mentioned.

@Notcoolmum I kept asking if she felt guilty, to which she said no. I must have asked it a few times because she said she was getting slightly annoyed that I kept asking the question.

She has a degree in philosophy.

mrdrummer bit odd. I felt guilty not to have got Mr S one and I hadn’t demanded he bought me one. Do you think she wants to move things on from FWB? Could this work between you?

@Notcoolmum no I am just flirting with them especially if they will not tell me their name initially, I am playful and like teasing

@Notcoolmum we had discussed stuff before and agreed that FWB would be the limit. I am not so sure tbh now though. There is no prospect of more from my point of view. I won't fall in love with her.

You date women who won't tell you their names? And then test you? Um...

@MrDrummer I think she was just testing you, just draw a line under it, don't mention it anymore and try and take it back to the original FWB thing

I have never shit tested a man. Should I? lol I didn't even know what one was until now. I've done some research and I'm sure I've been shit tested by an abusive ex (to see how much shit I would take - if I don't run at first shit, I'm a keeper)

I've never thought of testing a man either.... What a bizarre and rude thing to do.

MrDrummer that does sound a bit like manipulation /testing you a bit. MrFar unexpectedly gave me an Easter egg and one each for my children he hasn't met which was a nice surprise for me but I hadn't bought him one. No one took it as anything to get het up about, it was just a nice gesture. But we are very much not game playing, iykwim.