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Original poster

Dating thread 155 - Spring lovin'

999 replies

supercali77 · 16/04/2019 05:52

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
kerkyra · 16/04/2019 21:14

bat,did you say your bloke lived an hour away? I think it's great you both are seeing so much of each other.
I sometimes wonder if my dating time will come in a few years when my son is older and I can get out more.
Ok,new iron will be mr marvel :) I thought he maybe a bit geeky (spiderman anyone) but he seems great. Date either fri or sat.

I love 'first dates'. Also bachelor in paradise !

BatshitCrazyWoman · 16/04/2019 21:16

kerkyra He lives probably over an hour away. We both work near each other in London though which helps.

HairyArsedMan · 16/04/2019 21:39

Re: when to start online dating. It was around 7 months post split for me and at the time I thought I was sound and the idea of a Match subscription seemed like a nice little Christmas present for myself to move on in the New Year. What little I knew on both fronts ! On the other hand, if I hadn't have taken those steps I don't think I'd be where I am today so that process had to start at some point I guess.

So I had another date to follow on from my previous date that, unwisely, I cloaked in mystery and then everyone wanted to know stuff. This was a more conventional dine out affair over several hours and we got on really well. I thought she was lovely and we parted with a bit of a smooch which seemed to happen both spontaneously and awkwardly. Just now on catch up, I found myself reading @shitwithsugaron 's post about being overwhelmed and identifying strongly with it. We had a similar sort of discussion too about keeping things cool.

putastrawunderbaby · 16/04/2019 22:05

Well, Mr Gardener's texts stopped abruptly and I see he is on Match tonight but not talking.....another iron has suddenly blocked me.....at least on Fab it's more honest - apart from the ghosting Sad Two years I've been doing OLD on and off now and it feels like there will never be anyone for me. I know, I know, get out the violins!

Lollyjack · 16/04/2019 22:09

So I have 2 irons mr pool and mr mill. Ok mr mill not my normal type I go for but very funny over messages and seems very nice meeting Sunday afternoon for a drink. Mr pool everything I normally go for but very busy with work had one drink already get picture updates so know he’s at work although I have never asked for them. He’s not sure when this project will be finished so not sure when date 2 will be xx

kerkyra · 16/04/2019 22:21

Oh no putastraw, i'm so sorry. It's not you so try and stay positive.

Was it myOld whose now exclusive after a first date?! And I'm sure you were saying only a week ago you had no irons and was feeling fed up. Good going!

Sunshineandflipflops · 16/04/2019 22:30

On my way home from my date with MrSAS. He’s lovely, he says he’s not interested in anyone else at the moment...I am just so mistrustful after my experiences.
Anyway, we both got a little heated when saying goodbye at the train station and can’t wait to spend the weekend together Blush

Three days and counting...

kerkyra · 16/04/2019 22:35

sunshine this sounds amazing :) Like everyone else on the smitten bench,i think after about date three you begin to feel more secure.

I can't seem to get past date three lately...except with mr garden gate who bought me a bike....and then I finished with him (still feel bad)

Original poster
supercali77 · 16/04/2019 22:39

I am well pissed off ...this weekend is going to be a roaster. I have a lovely dress. But I have to start all the swiping shit again. Gahhhh! Ill take some time off first. How does anyone do serial relentless dating. It's exhausting!

OP posts:
MrDrummer · 17/04/2019 00:14

@kerkyra

I can't seem to get past date three lately...except with mr garden gate who bought me a bike....and then I finished with him (still feel bad)

Do you still have the bike???

MrDrummer · 17/04/2019 00:54

So, had F part of FWB tonight and I just don't know if this is right for me. As we were friends before, it's a bit weird to do the friend-only bit now. I wobbled a bit last time it was just the Friends bit and I feel the wobble too, tonight. Pattern forming. Confused
Or is it because there is no PDA and the friends bit has been cinema/coffee.

Sunshineandflipflops · 17/04/2019 06:24

@MrDrummer so if you’re going on dates with your FWB, are you not dating?!

I don’t really understand the FWB thing... or does it just mean that you’re not exclusive?

I’m slightly regretting the espresso marttinis and g&t’s last night now I’m about to go to work. I also smashed my phone screen on the way home. Oops.

WarIsPeace · 17/04/2019 06:44

Mr Far and I have an overnight planned for this week. We're messaging regularly and speaking every day. I'm not swiping now, even for a nosey. Might be heading for the bench but still a bit early yet...

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 17/04/2019 06:50

kerkyra yep it was me that had no irons on the conventional dating apps. Still don't.
So I went back on Fab looking for some fun. After one very short coffee date, he wants to be my exclusive FWB. He probably will be, but only because of a lack of interest from anyone else.
But I'm not comfortable with him asking that so early on. Not sure if he's being a bit controlling or wants more than FWB.
No date 2 arranged yet, so he could just disappear.

ponyprincess · 17/04/2019 07:10

myold asking for exclusivity on date 1 before dtd would put me right off. I had someone do this and he was WAY too intense way too quickly with phonecalls, messages.... wantingmeet his mum on date 2! There were no more.dates after that and I had to block--even then he kept trying to contact me using different numbers for a while.

Sunshineandflipflops · 17/04/2019 07:14

I could do with some advice/wisdom...

MrSAS has a very high libido, which is fine as mine is pretty high too. He has asked me to think about what I like, what pleasures me, etc for the weekend.

Nothing wrong with this at all but if I’m completely honest, I don’t really know...

I enjoy sex and my ex and I had a pretty reasonable sex life but I guess it was quite standard really...same goes for the few men I’ve slept with since. I never thought much of this until I met MrSAS.

He said he’d like to experiment a little (nothing dodgy and I have to let him know what my boundaries are) but this led to him asking me what I like. No-ones ever asked me this so it really has stumped me! I am taking my vibrator with me at the weekend at his request, which I have only ever used on my own but am happy to share, and have told him in all honesty hat I think I am
working out what I like for myself after coming out of a long relationship/marriage.

I guess I don’t want him to think I’m a prude or very inexperienced but it’s hard not to feel like that with him!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/04/2019 07:38

Sunshine I hate being asked this - I always think then that the whole 'experience' is being based around what I've said! I think you've done the right thing, laid out your boundaries. Now you just need to play it by ear - the best sex is when you're learning what each other likes. Have fun!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/04/2019 07:44

MyOld that still doesn't sit well with me. It's not the Fab way at all! You aren't me, but I'd refuse until you've dtd and met him a few times to see what you think. Do you want just one FWB?

super that sucks - it's proper dating weather (as in summer clothes and a cold glass of something in a pub garden) so it's rubbish feeling like you're starting again. I'd be swiping again, but that's me ...! Did you message red flag guy to say you were done?

Sidge · 17/04/2019 07:48

Sunshine I have to agree with Batshit - whenever I’ve been asked that sort of question I tend to say what I don’t like and what my No Go’s are. My absolute boundaries, and the ones that are more flexible.

Otherwise I tend to say I’m sexually confident and fairly open minded and just like to go with the flow. I don’t want sex to be too prescriptive or for him to develop a checklist that he wants to work his way down!

For me it should be a journey together. That’s what makes it exciting, finding out what each other likes and doesn’t like and discovering how well you fit together.

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking · 17/04/2019 07:53

BatshitCrazyWoman it doesn't sit well with me either. I told him I was chatting to a couple of other men but hadn't made plans to meet them and wasn't sure if I would. I also pointed out that it was FWB and that isn't usually exclusive.
He just said that he didn't want to meet anyone else.
I'm just going to see how it goes for now.

LooUpdate · 17/04/2019 07:55

What puts me off Tinder is that the whole basis is superficial.

this info. made me like him so much more!

Why? It shows he has no commitment. Red flag! ;) lol

ponyprincess · 17/04/2019 07:57

Sunshine I agree with what the others have said, I hate being asked this question too. Sounds good that you have your boundaries set in which case it is fun just to explore what you enjoy in the moment and show you enjoy it, rather than reeling of a list in advance

vwman · 17/04/2019 08:09

I chatted online with Miss Lidl last night who thought she recognised me and then realised that I was a match on pof. Or should it be Miss M&S because that is where she works. I suggested a date and asked her when she was free. She replied "tonight or tomorrow" (it was already 7:30pm). Either she is smitten at my appearance (I am a 6ft Rugby player type) or she is desperate for something. Seeing her tonight.

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 17/04/2019 08:13

sunshine I hate this question. Sex is better when you work it out together. Unless you’re entering a BDSM relationship I don’t know why you need to discuss boundaries this early on. Sorry but I would be seriously put off!

Bluezoo123 · 17/04/2019 08:16

(Commenting on post from page 2 as taking so long for me to get through and keep up with thread!) Hear heat super and lily on the never dating an EA person again - having been through it myself I agree with you - when your in the midst of it it is hard to identify and if your lives are entwined hard to get out of.

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