Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Does he have smart photos set on tinder @ItsAMiracle2015 as that auto changes your photos until you change it back.

@LilyRose88 that's the point I would need to ask but I'd sit quiet as if he worried if they said yes I am 🙈

Oh it was the actual text that he changed 🤷.

Mary1935 welcome..I am stil catching up on the thread but I recommend Bumble - I get loads of matches (london) and I like being able to message first. But if you dont't like messaging first tinder or.pof might be better!

itsamiracle2015 as you haven't met I wouldn't overanalyse!

lilyRose I agree it's out of order to ask before we'd even met so I stuck to my guns and said no

Wow so much to try and catch up on!

I had a wobble over the weekend. ExH dropped a bombshell on me and made me question everything. However, I'm back on track with MrFox (never really off track as I didn't tell him I was having a a few doubts).
He is still being super sweet and funny, I haven't seen him since our drunken antics on Thursday and it's a busy week so not seeing him again until Friday.

Off to try and read through the thread now.

30somethingandsingle sorry your ex dropped.the bomb.. Hope you can deal with it and remember he is ex for a reason!

Mary agree with pp Fab is good too though I have found fwb there so might deoend what you are looking for

In spite of all the advice to contrary I am on for a running date with Mr. Run on Wed.. If he doesn't like me hot red faced and sweaty then...next!!!

@unique1986 how many dates have you had with him?
Is it insecurity? Who knows, possibly but you're probably better placed to answer that one as you can see if he comes across as insecure.
He may really like you and want to know if he's getting anywhere, or impatient for an answer before he moves on, or seeing other people and trying to shortlist, or just pushy. Sorry for all the options
If you're starting to like him then be honest and explain that you want to move slowly. If he likes you enough and is a decent guy then he will respect that and stick around. If he doesn't then he wasn't right for you.
I find being honest and open is always better than leaving somebody to draw their own conclusions. Remember us guys are pretty rubbish at picking up on hints and signals

Drummer I'd echo your comment anout the compassion on this thread. I use other male dominated forums with the eqiivalent of this thread and they are mainly dominated by blokes talking about their conquests and taking the piss out of anybody who is failing at OLD (either their profile or their pics are shit or they're ugly apparently) or calling anybody that comments about their feelings, holding back on having sex early, or looking for a LTR, well they're a snowflake.
It's bloody awful to be fair, which is why I came on here, spent a few weeks reading to see how men were received, and then plucked up the courage to post.
The profile reviews and advice have been fantastic! Oh and there's been some very funny posts to read along the way

@Ant330 this is a lovely thread. But @StealthNinjaMum is right... you clearly haven't looked in AIBU. 🤣

I can only imagine how blokey a blokes thread is. And how competitive and unhelpful.....

Re exclusivity chat. I've found it sort of usually comes up naturally when the time is right. I think @vwman you have quite a sad and slightly warped view of it. I think the love bombing/asking for exclusivity early on thing then changing your mind is over excitement and human error. Maybe I'm being naive? I don't think it's intentional despite being really hurtful and confusing.

@Ant330
Handful of dates.
I just find it annoying when a man quizzes Me and puts on the spot at the end of a date.
I don't like pda so last couple of goodbyes have been awkward and rushed.
He is disappointed regarding that. E.g. no snogging or more.

I think my 3ish month thing is over. If you remeber i saw him on bumble (a freind on there told me) and he gave quite a weird reason but did then delete his profile. Anyway we spent most of the weekend together and there were quite a few red flags happening. I'd sort of seen them earlier but ignored them. I'm not sure I want to carry on but not sure the best way to bring it to a close or potentially bring up the issues. I'm taking a bit of space to think about it....and start watching episode one of game of thrones! Heh

Peanut although I'm curious now I'll give AIBU a miss, I have a tendency when I see somebody say something stupid to tell them so. It's probably not the thread for me
And you're not being naive, you just have some faith in the decency of people. I'm the same and imo that's a much happier place to be than assuming everybody is lying and cheating.

Hi everybody..

Just was proofing the text below, about to post and then the saw the lovely msg from @Ant about how this thread is great for men. Argh.
However...
I am worried a little that this thread is being used by men who are here for purely for the purpose of meeting women. To those men who are here for the right reasons, ie seeking support for and providing support to, those living the OLD ups and downs, I do apologise to you.

But.. I’ve been subject to some uncomfortable messages from one of our posters, which have disturbed me.
In my 9 months of OLD the only man I’ve had to block is a man from this thread. This is ridiculous.

We are about to embark on a new thread. Is there perhaps a new rule we could add that states that if any woman/man is uncomfortable with personal messages that the user be asked to leave?

When do you have a right to say who are you texting and why do I feel I can see your female face on your phone?
Yeh phones are private and I dont show my phone when I text or look briefly during a date.
I also find it rude when a guy makes or receives a call while I'm in the toilets.
I said good news? As he was smiling and jolly when I walked back.
A friend drunk partying...
Hmmm
If I don't ever ask he won't say who he's talking to.

@unique1986 what does "pda" mean or is it a typo?
He shouldn't be putting you on the spot at the end of a date. This came up a couple of threads ago I think, and the consensus was that people preferred to make their decisions on what happens next once they've had some to think about the date and then message.
Honestly I would tell him that so he stops doing it, and if he doesn't then that's a warning sign that he doesn't listen and/or accept what you've told him.
Lots of more experienced OLDers have said previously that it shouldn't be hard work at this stage, and if it is then maybe he's not right for you. Wouldn't you much rather meet somebody who, to coin a much used phrase on here, gives you the fanny gallops the first time you meet? (that doesn't sound right coming from a bloke does it )
Does this feel like you're trying to force yourself to fancy him, if it does then you're settling imo, and you should be moving on.
Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt and it's only my opinion

I am super curious about the mans version of this thread ant do you reckon all of our Irons are there?

ant can you point me in the right direction or do I not want to know

Also have to agree the support on this thread is amazing. I don’t think I could do Old without you guys 😘

Question. I know Mr Big is on bumble BUT I have yet to find him and bumble reckons I have completed the stack. Does this mean he has already swiped me left? ☹️

I have a date arranged with Mr Local on Thursday. He seems errrr nice. Looks errr nice. He lives half a mile away so gonna give it a shot as everyone else I meet seems to be in the next city!

A female image on phone *
May have been website. Wasn't what app.
Image was too big. Hmm

Public displays of affection

ant means public display of affection

unique you aren't exclusive yet are you? I have friends who do more than one date in a day. He could have had another date or it could be his sister? I think it's way way too early to be this worried about what he's doing on his phone and if you feel this way now and it's making you this anxious, it's probably not for you and I would cut your losses.

midcentury I agree and though most people on this thread won't remember the man on here who dated someone on the thread, it does happen and is never great when it does! Just be careful and stay polite :)

My last sentence was for everyone on here!

I'm curious about the male version but I really wouldn't want to go there!

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I found bumble really odd in that it would say I'd ended my stack then cough up another 50 or so the next day/hour. I think you'd find him if he was onthere even if he swiped you left.

Mr Unsuitable is going to stay. Well 99% likely. I'm delighted but not sure what will happen! I've got much better at just enjoying it and not looking ahead.

@supercali77 sorry to hear that it's coming to an end. I think 3 months is often a watershed.

@unique1986

I think Ant has covered it off pretty well, tbh. If you haven't really gone anywhere with it, i.e. PDA or DTD, then I can see why the guy is confused. I think he is insecure, but then you don't sound like you are sending out too many vibes to give him re-assurance. Doesn't really sound like it is going anyway, tbh.