Dating thread 154 - in which beards are encouraged.

[Crustaceans]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

vwman completely agree that no man should be demanding exclusivity, but like drummer I'm not one of those hedging his bets until something better comes along.
Think you hit the nail on the head though, there's probably plenty of men (and women) doing what you describe, but they're unlikely to be on here posting about it!

I really hope there isn't Ant as that makes me a little depressed 🙈🙈🙈.

I would be furious if anyone did that to me, but then I guess it just proves they aren't the one.

Miracle I've read enough comments on this thread about the endless swiping and the big problem with OLD is that there's always someone else available, or somebody better just a swipe away, to assume there must be plenty treating it like that.
But it doesn't mean everybody is. Of the dates I've been on I didn't get that impression from any of them, in fact they were at pains to tell me they only date one at a time.
Now I've been on a few dates with MissOz I've deleted all the apps. The constant messages and updates are an unwanted distraction, but a distraction that's hard to resist looking at so they're gone.
I went on a coffee date on Fri when I had a slight wobble last week but that was somebody who already had my number. And we hadn't really had the exclusivity chat then, that happened on Saturday when she told me she'd chop my balls off I go on any dates while she's on holiday
See now that sounds like a red flag!!!!

Ant I think the chopping the balls statement was completely fair enough 😂😂. Definitely something I'd say! I think if people are always looking for something better they will ultimately end up alone but the idea of someone saying 'exclusive' and still looking for something better does make me a little sad.

My FWB is exclusive but on the understanding if I felt I wanted a LTR with someone else, that I would be free to pursue that. So just getting a "better" FWB is off-limits. Plus, as I bonus, I get priority over her other cinema buddies if I want to see a film. Off to see Hellboy tomorrow night!

If you're exclusive,surely you are in a relationship?
I am either all in or out but sometimes wish I could do fwb but know I couldn't

@kerkyra I think the difference is that we know we aren't going to fall in love.

Can I just say, (perhaps off-topic), having hung around this thread for a bit now and nosed through a few others, I never realised how much compassion women have for each other. Quite humbling and thought-provoking.

Interesting discussion on exclusivity.
I had a date today with someone from Fab. It went really well and hopefully we're meeting again at the weekend.
He's just put a veri on my profile saying he hopes the post of FWB has now been filled. Which sounds like he wants to be exclusive. I don't have a problem with that. Don't think I have the time or energy for lots of FWBs. But it just feels a bit weird that he's said that when we've only had a drink together.

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking I don't know the Fab culture, or much about FWB, but my guess is that he fishing for you to say "yes"... but he's been vague enough for plausible deniability.

MrKind asked if I was multidating. He says he's not. Much harder for men to get a date on fab than women.

That's a bit weird Myold quite possessive actually if he didn't ask you directly. He's probably trying to ward off the other men.

And very early too!

I don't think I'd ever ask a guy if he was unless he asked me first. I wouldn't know what to say or in case I came across obsessed.

Do you all just ask and when would you ask?

mrdrummer you've not found AIBU yet?

lifegoes I just texted Mr Outdoors and asked whether he was looking at profiles or messaging other women. He replied that he hadn't done so since our first date. I was planning on asking him face-to-face but didn't get around to it at the weekend as it slipped my mind.

Ant and Drummer
If a guy always asks if you like them more than just a friend after each recent date...
Is that a massive insecurity?
Currently I'm not sure if I'm totally into someone.
But I like them more than a friend now and there is some attraction I'm just shy and not 100%
If I tell said guy that I don't know exactly if I'm that into him sexually he will stop contact probably.
I also was asked if I was just bored.
Aren't we all a bit bored when single tho ..

lifegoes I asked Mr Baker if he was shagging anyone else. He said no. And I said please don't whilst shagging me. He said okay. That was the entire conversation 😂.

Ha ha @ItsAMiracle2015 did you ask that before or after you DTD.

@LilyRose88 how long have you been "together"

lifegoes after. I would never ask for exclusivity before DTD. Sex is way too important to me 🙈.

Hi all. Had an afternoon coffee date with MrC today. It was nice and whilst no butterflies I've agreed to go on our previously planned evening date next week to see if we are compatible. He's my type, same stage of life and similar personalities but I need to know if he's fun - I spent 21 years with ex and want some fun now, not just to settle for someone suitable if you see what i mean 🤷‍♀️

One thing I am a little unsure of now, having read today's posts on here, is that today was our first meet yet up to now he's already asked me 3 times to "bin off" another iron who he is aware I'm chatting with (MrNorth). I've refused so far as no idea at moment if this is actually getting off ground. MrNorth hasn't even asked if I'm chatting with anyone else although has indicated he isn't.

lifegoes we have only had 4 dates . I decided to ask as we dtd at the weekend and I didn't want to be sleeping with someone who was dating or chatting to others. He didn't pressurize me into dtd but it just felt right. I had meant to raise the subject during the weekend but the conversation didn't lend itself to it. It was only when I was thinking about it today that I decided to bite the bullet and text him.

Neverexpected2 I think Mr C is out of order asking you to go exclusive after just one date. It is entirely your decision at this early stage and it sounds a bit controlling to me. I appreciate that I asked Mr Outdoors if he was looking or talking to anyone else after 4 dates, but I didn't tell him that he couldn't. As we had dtd I wouldn't have been happy if he had said yes, and I may have told him that in that case I didn't want to continue seeing him.

Also, I checked and you have to actually open Tinder for your location to update.

On that note because I'm crazy Mr Guitarist change his Tinder profile on Friday and of course I didn't say anything because, well, we haven't met and I didn't want to come across crazy. But I just noticed today, he changed it back?! Why?! Argh.