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Original poster

Surviving an affair - anyone with success stories?

235 replies

maskingtherealme · 07/04/2019 19:34

My husband and I are one week into salvaging our 8 and a half year marriage (2 children) after I found out about his affair with our best friend.

Without getting into it because I have posted about it here within the last three weeks, I just want to know of success stories of couples surviving adultery and actually successfully making a go of their marriage.

We are both determined, I am, he says he is, but obviously there are trust issues especially as he works in the same company as her but not in the same department or office and his work colleagues who were glad of the affair ending and supporting us, are going out of their way to ensure their paths never cross, at the insistent of me and him!

The affair was seven years ... yes, that long. But without divulging because it’s a tale in itself, we both feel that we already had something strong to work on.

Many who I know have ditched their husbands and partners after infidelity and then are bitter about it for years afterwards and I am determined to accept, acknowledge and move on rather than dwell on the past.

Anyone got any success stories?

OP posts:
Luglio · 07/04/2019 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm · 07/04/2019 19:44

Your DH is one lucky fella! He’s totally got away with it! He must be laughing his socks off.

LellyMcKelly · 07/04/2019 19:45

7 years? One drunken shag I could probably get over with a bit of work, but 7 years? While you were pregnant? While you were holding his babies? Why on earth would you want to continue to be married to him? Is your self esteem really that low?

IamSerena · 07/04/2019 19:46

No experience here but I can't imagine any way that this marriage could possibly survive. Seriously, seven years?!?

Chocolate123 · 07/04/2019 19:46

A seven year affair with your best friend?? Get yourself to a councillor to build up your self esteem then dump his ass

Orange6904 · 07/04/2019 19:47

What a shitty thing to say poster at top. It's really traumatic finding out about something like this, I don't think op needs that.

Orange6904 · 07/04/2019 19:49

I don't think I could do it op, 7 years is too much betrayal but it's up to you two, it's your lives at the end of the day. I think there is a site that people have talked about on here called surviving infidelity, I'll find the link and post back.

Orange6904 · 07/04/2019 19:50

www.survivinginfidelity.com/Default.asp?

Also:

www.chumplady.com/ (good blog on affairs and cheating)

Ginger1982 · 07/04/2019 19:50

Erm...this is the guy who wanted to move his mistress into your family home??

Sorry, you're a mug if you take him back. I'd be amazed if people have success stories about rebuilding their marriages after a seven year affair!

Inliverpool1 · 07/04/2019 19:50

Nope. Women never forget what they’ve forgiven, kick the turd to the curb you can do so much better

Houseofmirth66 · 07/04/2019 19:52

So all his colleagues are glad it’s over and insisting their paths don’t cross? That’s nice. Did they have a team meeting? Honestly, why are you even considering staying together?

Luglio · 07/04/2019 19:53

Oh give over sausage. OP is chucking her life away on a faithless cheating cunt. I'm sure she realises they weren't playing scrabble.

madeofstarlight · 07/04/2019 19:53

OP, I think you'll struggle to find anyone with a success story that's been through similar to you. The affair has lasted the majority of your marriage and with your best friend, I don't know how anyone could forgive that.

Orange6904 · 07/04/2019 19:55

@Luglio Give over what. It's an advice board. Not a toilet wall for you to be an arse to people.

QueenBeex · 07/04/2019 19:57

My ex and I had our bestfriend (call them 'R') move in with us as R was kicked out the flat due to complaints. Anyway R lived with us on our sofa for about 7 months, I cooked meals for R, always involved them in everything we done (movie nights, takeaways) one night i went on my partners phone to get up the number for a taxi, and the first thing that came up when I unlocked the phone was a msg from R saying "I'll stay up for you tonight, come through when QueenBeex is asleep" I questioned it straight away, after a lot of lies etc it finally came out that they have been at it behind my back. I'm now engaged, planning my wedding..... so much happier without my ex

Dollyparton3 · 07/04/2019 19:58

My surviving an affair success story was that in less than a year after me "forgiving him" and us both working on the relationship the woman who he had his affair with got in touch with me today he'd tried it on with her again .

So a year after that (after I'd put myself back together) I left him, more than 6 years on I'm happier than ever with an amazing new man.

I wish you the best of luck with trying OP but very few can make this work

QueenBeex · 07/04/2019 19:59

Not a success story. But I'm saying I didn't have a success story because I made my choice to leave. I'm so glad I did. However if you're picking to stay then I'm sure you'll give it your best shot and it may turn out fine in the end!

Alfiemoon1 · 07/04/2019 19:59

No advice but good luck no way could I move on from a 7 year affair it’s been going on most of your marriage

Whatisgoingonwithmylife · 07/04/2019 19:59

Wow! OP, no judgement from me, but what were the reasons for the affair. You’ll need to understand how he got there so that you know what you’re working on.

BeardofZeus · 07/04/2019 20:02

Seven years!? Shock

Sn0tnose · 07/04/2019 20:03

I can understand why you might feel like you want to work on your marriage at this moment, but I think you need to prepare yourself for when those feelings change.

You might get success stories from people whose partners have had shorter affairs, but nobody is going to be able to give you that from an affair lasting longer than some marriages, especially when the ow was someone you cared about and trusted.

Also, the thing about his work colleagues going out of their way to ensure their paths don't cross, at yours and his insistence, is a bit concerning. Aside from it not being their responsibility to make sure your husband doesn't betray you, why is he insisting on their help? If he feels he can't control himself, why isn't he applying for other jobs?

PicsInRed · 07/04/2019 20:08

That's not an affair.
That's psychopathy.

This isn't normal, he isn't normal and this marriage cannot be saved.

I'm so sorry. This is appalling. Flowers

Alfiemoon1 · 07/04/2019 20:13

Has he left the ow now. The last I read on your other post was he had left you and moved in with ow

MissKenton · 07/04/2019 20:24

We can opine on why the OP shouldn’t go back to her husband but that’s not the title of her thread is it? She’s asking for success stories if your OH had been unfaithful. Frankly her particularly story is irrelevant, she’s not asking whether she should allow him back she’s already decided she wants to give her marriage another go.

I’m in a similar position OP, haven’t yet decided whether to take my ex back. I’m scared I’ll keep bringing up the past when things get tough. Trust is a massive issue for me now.

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