Dating thread 153- The adventures of... [Title edited at OP's request]

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Oh I think he would like B! Just don’t want to overdo it 😂

Question for experienced Fab users.
I'm thinking of giving it another try as I'm getting nowhere on POF or Tinder.
Last time I tried Fab (about a month ago) I got lots of interest, lots of offers to meet. I had 3 social meets but they didn't go any further for various reasons. Then I had loads going on in my life and I decided to just delete my profile.

My question is - I'm looking for a FWB. I want the social bit as well as sex. But I have a busy life and kids at home, so I usually can't be available at short notice. And most of the men that wanted to meet me wanted to be able to contact me say, today and arrange to meet later in the evening or the next day.

Is this normal for FWB? Or Fab? How far in advance do people arrange to meet their FWB?

In my book Marlboro if the opportunity is there then take it - you never know what is round the corner. Seize the day!

You are right cassette thanks

myold I have the same problem with fab. They want to meet for a “social” quickly I think they then expect the next date to be sex..I am a bit fed up of it. I work, I have kids I cannot drop everything that quickly!

myoldbrain personally I like plenty of notice, so I can get excited about meeting up and also so I can work my schedule round it. Otherwise it's what I believe they term a 'booty call', which is not for me. My Fab FWB and I have struggled to be on the same page about this, mainly because he has little in his life except a 9 to 5 job and I have lots. I think we've got it clear now but I wish we had done so at the beginning. The beauty of Fab is how open people are, so go ahead and be open about what you want. Good luck!

Marlboro wear what you are comfortable in (which would so be jeans for me and nice undies!) but have a great time.

My guy....I’m going to have to give him a name so let’s say MrSAS has asked what I would like to do next week (next time i’m Seeing him) and suggested food, drink and “lots of sex” at his. I’m most likely to be on my period and also where he lives is a good hour’s drive from where I work so I’ve said sex will be off the cards and think I will need to go home that evening and he still wants to see me so that’s positive 😂

Also, when I’m on I just want to be in my own bed.

He’s been tested for STI’s and I’m going tomorrow so assuming all’s clear, how do I tell him I only want to be having sex without condoms if he’s not sleeping with other people?

If he is sleeping with other people then that’s up to him and I don’t want to sound all heavy but I also want to take responsibility for my health. Any tips/experience...?

Myold I find that I get lots of messages on Fab from guys wanting to meet that day for sex. I have always ignored them. I spoke to one couple who wanted a threesome and met them (as detailed earlier in previous threads) and have exchanged a few messages with a guy who lives a few miles away. I've stopped that conversation because of Mr Outdoors.

I wasn't attracted to the idea of meeting a guy on the day for sex as it felt a bit too rushed for me, but I think a lot of people like the immediacy of it.

@Sunshineandflipflops

how do I tell him I only want to be having sex without condoms if he’s not sleeping with other people?

I got this one... here goes...

"I only want to be having sex without condoms if you're not sleeping with other people"

@MrDrummer...why didn’t I think of that?!

It’s just easier typed than said I guess. I’m not asking him not to sleep with anyone else (as much as I’d like to) so don’t want it to come across that way.

@Sunshineandflipflops

Actually, you could re-word it, thus...
"If you are going to sleep with anybody else, then we have to use condoms." I think that works a little better, given what you have said.

It's very reasonable and very practical. If he has issues with that, I think it is on him, not you. It is a little concerning that you aren't comfortable with him sleeping with other people yet accept the risk, to retain what you have.

I’ve sent a message with something along those lines so will see what the response is. We were talking about cooking dinner just before it so I’m not sure he’s going to be expecting it!

We were talking about cooking dinner

"Yeah, so I figure if we chopped that beef with a butcher's knife, it would make a lovely casserole. Oh, that reminds me... if you are..."

So i sent the it needs to stop message. I was lovely in my response that I needed more than just texting etc and that distance is obv an issue for him. Which I respect.

He replied with I PERHAPS deserve more than he can offer.

I wished him the best and he replied with 😏👋🏻

Honestly how do I even start liking these guys and investing my time in them

Marlboro- I’d do jeans as wouldn’t want look too keen on first stay
my old- experience of fab is last minute so no chance of nerves and they horny. Sorry I get you is not convenient but for most it is like booty calling like someone said. I thing fwb only comes after when met someone and moved to private message but even then in my experience was last minute . Com

Thanks for the comments about Fab. I know there are some on there that just want someone to meet today. But the ones I was chatting to knew I was looking for a FWB.

Fab 1 - social meet. Said he was going on holiday but was keen to meet when he got back. Text me on his return asking to meet that evening. I explained I was working but suggested an alternative day.
Never heard from him again.

Fab 2 - social meet. Keen to meet again. Said he would text when he wanted to meet. I asked him to clarify what he meant. When he felt like seeing me he would send a text and expect me to go to his that evening.

Fab 3- never met but exchanged phone numbers. He asked me 3 times to meet up with about 4 hours notice. Despite me explaining that didn't work for me.

Maybe I just got unlucky but it put me off and I deleted my account. I might try again and be very, very clear about what I will/won't do.

@MrDrummer 😂

He has just sent me his recent test results, which are all clear, and I am booked in tomorrow anyway but he understands and says he isn’t sleeping with anyone else so I feel better to have got that conversation out of the way

Sunshine Sorry if I’ve missed this as haven’t read the whole thread but I would be very, very hesitant to have unprotected sex at the beginning of a new relationship. You only have his word about who he’s sleeping with and there’s plenty of STDs that won’t be routinely tested for/ only get picked up when there’s symptoms. Herpes, HPV etc. Please think carefully whether it’s what you really want to do, and how you’ll feel if you take that risk but things don’t work out between you both.

So folks, we are near the end of the thread. Just 6 more messages to.

I feel like I am watching a sunset on a warm summer's eve, by the dying embers of a campfire... with a few tinnies and a few good mates around me. It's been emotional.
And yet the thread will be reborn, and from it, fresh hope for the future. May the new thread bring happiness and joy to all!

ccgirr it’s not first stay.

myold same off fan for me. I have stopped opening my messages. I only go on there at mo to look at cams and chat rooms 😊

See you on the other side... can't believe we need a new thread already 👍

@Sunshineandflipflops When was his test... I think it really needs to be about 4 weeks ago to properly check for HIV and obviously no possible exposure since then. Google says one should still get a follow up 3 months later as the test at 4 weeks is only 95% accurate.

It was just over 4 weeks ago.

I’ve told him I want to use protection anyway though and he’s fine with that. If he wasn’t then I wouldn’t be continuing to sleep with him!

If you want to use protection, then the whole conversation pretty moot, isn't it?

Yes but I’m glad we’ve been able to have the conversation and that I can reassess if things continue.