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Original poster

Dating thread 153- The adventures of... [Title edited at OP's request]

999 replies

30somethingandsingle · 04/04/2019 15:10

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

OP posts:
Peanuthedz · 09/04/2019 10:39

Well @JeSuisPrest and @kerkyra what are rules if not made to be broken? No one is perfect

TooOldForThis67 · 09/04/2019 10:41

kerkyra - good luck. Update awaited!
ceebee - sign of immaturity and a bullet dodged. What an absolute shit.
peanut - Yep!
crust - Glad things are still going well with MrSG. I did the complete self-sabotage with MrWow.

TooOldForThis67 · 09/04/2019 10:43

JeSuis - He vapes, not smokes. It's not the same - vapes smell nice.

JeSuisPrest · 09/04/2019 10:48

I just don't like it ☹, though he says its blueberry flavour and stopped him from smoking so 🤷‍♀️

@Ceebeegee You poor thing Flowers

lifegoes · 09/04/2019 10:54

@JeSuisPrest a vape isn't that bad, they don't have any smell of smoke at all. I was quite surprised when I friend swapped to one.

KhaleesiTargaryen · 09/04/2019 10:59

Feeling quite rubbish today...

I'm just not sure if Mr Fireman has cooled somewhat towards me after DTD on Saturday night, and kind of regret doing it so soon. Aargh.

We have texted a bit since then (fun, lighthearted) but he's not mentioned it at all and so this morning I asked him (after a bit of chat to and fro) if he regretted the other night. He said No! Do you? and I just said I was wondering since he hadn't mentioned it. He sent me a "hug" emoji and a kiss then a second text saying he enjoyed it. His texting style is a bit formal but even so I was hoping for a bit more warmth.

Am I overthinking? We're seeing each other again later this week and not sure if I should say something or just see how it goes.

shitwithsugaron · 09/04/2019 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 09/04/2019 11:02

Vaping is better than smoking ...

Lovemusic33 · 09/04/2019 11:16

I used to smoke before having kids but I hate the smell now. My ex husband smokes and when he brings the kids home at the weekend they stink even though he says he smokes outside, same when he sits with them here when I’m out. I can’t stand the smell on clothes and hair. I have dated smokers but would prefer to date someone who doesn’t smoke. I don’t mind vaping, totally different smell but I do think people look stupid vaping.

Crustaceans · 09/04/2019 11:19

Vaping is definitely better than smoking. It would still put me off though.

Sunshineandflipflops · 09/04/2019 11:32

Peanut I have young-ish kids and am not divorced but I'm not letting that stop me from going with the flow. Me and my ex agreed to wait two years (just under on to go) but I won't let his cheating stop me living my life in the meantime. I'm not sure I'm ready for a LTR either but wouldn't rule it out for those reasons.

Notcoolmum · 09/04/2019 11:36

There was an thread about smoking earlier, and my initial response was 'no I wouldn't', then I remembered I had!! After my ex and I split up I saw someone from work who smoked roll ups and they didn't really bother me but he did give up early on in the relationship as he knew I didn't like smoking. And Mr London was a social smoker (not declared on his profile) but again he knew I didn't like it and switched to a discrete vape.

DaffoDeffo · 09/04/2019 11:39

ceebeegee sorry to hear that, why do men (and women) do ghosting? it's so bloody awful. We had an interesting chat on one of the earlier threads about it and how some people hadn't realised they were doing it. But if you've been exclusive and dating and seeing each other regularly...it's just bloody awful. I bet he was married...

a friend of mine has just had it happen to him after 11 months! Can you imagine! He is utterly devastated - had to take a week off work because he couldn't cope :( and I don't blame him. Imagine thinking your last 11 months had basically been a lie!

lifegoes · 09/04/2019 11:47

I really just don't know what to do with this waiting to meet etc

We connected online a few months ago, we swapped numbers and got talking. We kept trying to meet up, but something came up.

He got back in touch and he's really lovely, so my type. We talk frequently, but he's just not committing to meeting up. Yet he pursued me and always makes an effort to be nice via texting.

But I'm just worried I'm investing in something that isn't going to happen. Distance is an issue but only for a first meet. After that, I don't see a problem.

What do I do? My heart says wait and see how it goes, my head says why isn't he even want to plan something

shitwithsugaron · 09/04/2019 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluezoo123 · 09/04/2019 11:55

cee that type of ghosting is the worst - sending hugs
khaleesi I think you’re overthinking and all is good if you already have another date with him arranged for later this week.

KhaleesiTargaryen · 09/04/2019 11:55

@lifegoes That sounds quite limbo-ish. You can't wait indefinitely. You could say, right, we need to get something organised soon - say by the end of this month?

If it doesn't happen then be prepared to cut your losses.

KhaleesiTargaryen · 09/04/2019 11:57

@CocoKoko123 thanks Smile I don't want to get all clingy but I'm craving a connection with him again - bloody oxytocin! Grin

Ceebeegee · 09/04/2019 12:01

@DaffoDeffo
Wow 11 months? That must be so hard. Surely after that amount of time they would have become quite a big part of their life... And for that to just disappear.... Is just wrong.

lifegoes · 09/04/2019 12:03

@shitwithsugaron I've asked him twice and he keeps saying yes we need to sort something. I gave one date he couldn't do and he gave me one date I couldn't do
I even said this isn't going to work for me, and he was all "it will, we just need to sort a date leave it with me"

I just want to meet, as I tend to over invest when talking all day.

@KhaleesiTargaryen twice I've said after we have tried to arrange something this isn't working. It's obv you aren't interested. But twice he reassured me this isn't the case.

He comes across so interested via text, but wouldn't you want to arrange something, even if it's an weeks time etc. But nothing...

JeSuisPrest · 09/04/2019 12:03

@lifegoes I'd grasp the nettle and force his hand, otherwise you are going to really overinvest about how great this wonderful guy is who actually only exists in your phone. Before we meet them (especially with weeks of messaging), we start bestowing properties and qualities on them which we want them to have, not what they actually have - I do anyway. Actions speak louder than words. Do you feel you're not giving as much effort to other irons because of this one who won't commit to meeting you?

lifegoes · 09/04/2019 12:05

@JeSuisPrest that's exactly it. I can see I'm over investing in him as I want to meet him.

I do worry that if we meet and it's a stay over. Which is what we spoke about, we do need to get to know each other first. But then I think, why does he not just want to meet me.

shitwithsugaron · 09/04/2019 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lifegoes · 09/04/2019 12:27

@shitwithsugaron I agree, the texting flows so well and feels so easy. But trying to get him to plan anything is hard. I am starting to think he just wants a pen pal to boost his ego.

Do I say anything or should I just try and not text anymore and move on.

shitwithsugaron · 09/04/2019 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.