Dating thread 153- The adventures of... [Title edited at OP's request]

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Link to previous thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3543468-dating-thread-152-onwards-and-upwards

Date was actually very sweet but I just don't know. He has completely different way of life than me. He is a heavy smoker,eats no veg(exept peas and carrots),only eats fish in batter,holidays in blackpool….which I know is fun....also looks 10yrs older than his age.

I actually don't know where I fit in anymore :( I can't keep up with the men with money/high life styles as my job is pretty crap,i'm self employed and working around my asd sons school hours.so feel abit inferior. But I hate that I have this small snobby attitude. I mean,he was sweet. He wouldn't let me buy the coffees,he opened the door for me..... But he lives at home.
He asked me if I fancied him and I said I do a little.

But probably not enough. God this dating is hard work.

Village man txt me about the football,said he has his son tomorrow eve. I really like him but he just isn't available

@shitwithsugaron that's the thing in a way, I've actually said twice already. First time I said it wasn't for me and he said we had only been talking a short time. Give him a chance.

Second time I said I had got the hint and he said that wasn't the case he'll sort something. Still just texting.

I know @shitwithsugaron you are right. I feel like I don't want to jump to things and end it in case. But then I think fuck this for a laugh.

@kerkyra

There is no point in compromising yourself. I don't think it was very fair of him to ask if you fancied him. How are you really supposed to respond to that?

In terms of "fitting in", it is understandable given your situation. Perhaps look at it that you fit in in the "Kerkyra" slot.... because you are an individual. You are right where you should be. :)

When I have dated women whom have limited disposable income, I paid for majority but then let them pick the occasional thing, e.g. I pay for dinner, you pay for coffee. That way it takes into account the difference, but it doesn't feel like a one way street.

shitwith Brutal but I agree, organising a 1st date shouldn't be that much hard work!

Hahaha I'm reading my posts over and I'm thinking why am I getting worked up over this. A guy who is lovely via text but his actions are clear and that's all that matters.

So I'm not going to text him and tell him I'm not blocking him. I've deleted his number, IF he gets in touch I'll ignore. He knows already how I feel.

NEXT...

@kerkyra What do you mean "He lives at home". Doesn't everybody?

@Ant330 exactly. It's not as I haven't tried to meet up either. If he can't put words in to actions. Then realistically he's not the man for me. As I need someone assertive

@lifegoes Can't remember who posted it, but the "mindfucker" video was excellent. The red flag is when "words do not match actions".

So is telling someone that you quite like them less than a week in count as overinvesting? 😂 I've really got to learn to play it cool. Hahaha

I need to see that video @MrDrummer sounds helpful.

Just don't understand why you would text someone constantly daily and tell them how hot they are. But don't plan to meet up, what a ridiculous waste of my time

ceegee that ghosting is awful. What a prize twunt he turned out to be.

lifegoes how far away does he live? I'd be tempted to give him a number of dates going up to 2 weeks away and say if we can't make one of these work then there is probably no point carrying on chatting as you are looking to date, not to get a penpal.

kerkrya you don't sound like you like this man at all and he doesn't sound like a great catch... no point in settling.

tooold are you going to cut ties with Mr Wow to give Mr Gardener a fair chance?

@Notcoolmum that's a good way of putting it. He lives 2 hours away. I've deleted his number now, I'm just going to go back online to find someone who actually wants a date.

If he gets in touch, I'll see what he has to say and depending on how he is. I'll mention that point. He's got no excuse for next week as I know he doesn't have the kids.

drummer sent you a fb message

cee that's really bloody shitty, I'm sorry that happened to you.

life you know, it would really pee me off if someone was wasting my time like that. I would message and say you don't want to continue messaging as you'd prefer to meet, and if for whatever reason you couldn't find a suitable date to do that, then perhaps it isn't meant to be, and wish him well.

I'll be truthful @BatshitCrazyWoman I think I'm worried about saying that as then it could completely end it and I look quite abrupt. That sounds silly doesn't it?

You might want to clarify that fb means facebook! @kerkyra

kerkyra it's okay for his lifestyle to put you off. I wouldn't date a heavy smoker or someone who didn't at least try to have a healthy lifestyle. You sound a bit like you're trying to talk yourself into liking him. Don't do that!! No good will come of it!

I think it was me who posted the mind fuck YouTube video - it was Amy whatsherface (seriously, I can't remember her name!!!). She's excellent. Will see if I can find it ...

Thabks all for checking in on me. My iron....seeing each other 6 or so weeks. My freind saw his profile on bumble. I knew he'd come off tinder (where we met). She reckoned it was active because it had distance rather than just city??. I don't know anything about that. We agreed not to see other people a while ago and he's been gushy the last couple of weeks so I was understandably surprised by this info.

So anyway. I texted him about it. He swore he wasn't initiating chats or swiping or dating. And then he deleted his profile and reiterated how great he thinks things are between us. But after that things have been quieter on the ol texting front. The dynamic seems to have shifted a bit. So was feeling a bit bleh about it all last night. Whether to believe him...hard to know over text. Whether this is a problem now.

I took the initiative this morning to ask if he wanted to do something tonight and he said yes so..i guess I'll have a better idea what the vibe is after seeing him in person.

This OLD malarkey is such a headfuck.

batshit thanks,he's txting how beautiful I was ( nice to hear but no i'm not)and he will wait for me as know's I don't want to plunge in? I didn't even flirt on the date. I'm too scared to these days. How do I txt kindly.

@BatshitCrazyWoman It would be great to find it again and maybe include it in the top post with the rules. Made me realise how mindfucked I was by my previous gf.

I'm at work so I can't look properly but it was by Amy Young - and it was a newish video so should be easy to find by looking at her channel ...

kerkyra I would just say it was nice to meet him but you didn't feel there was chemistry.