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Original poster

Please help me - BIG DECISIONS

218 replies

Littlehelper101 · 29/03/2019 23:51

I have been with my partner for 6 years. We have a house together good jobs dog cars etc.

The last year/6 months the love has fizzled out slightly and we feel as though as we co exist together. We try and do things but it never quite works out. I'm 24 he is 30. He is a jealous type and has become bitter since a big promotion. We resent each other and try hard not too but struggle. It feels as though we live separate live but our lives in every other way are very joined.

I have been offered a life changing position abroad, with amazing package, apartment and house paid for car etc - major career progression.

My partner is tied into a few things here so he would not be able to come.

I have broke the news today that I will be receiving a formal offer on Monday.

He is absolutely fuming and said the fact I entrained the interview process knowing he couldn't go shows how much I care etc.

What would you do would you take it or not?

For me it's the fear of the unknown.

LOVE vs Career

I need to give him answers. on Tuesday - One second he tells me to take it because he doesn't want to prevent me from this amazing job next second he tells me I've ruined his life?

X

OP posts:
CloudyTuesday · 30/03/2019 05:17

"He is absolutely fuming."

"next second he tells me I've ruined his life?"

I don't think many of us would be happy to be told on Thursday that their partner has applied for a job abroad, in the knowledge that you couldn't go with them, and would be making their final decision in four days, on Monday.

Of course it's a shock. He will be upset, mourning the future he expected with you, angry that you didn't tell him sooner, worried about legal and financial implications, hurt.

But it also sounds like the relationship has run its course and you have recognised that first, and taken steps to move your life on. I absolutely think you should take the job, based on what you have said, but I don't think you can be surprised by his entirely normal reaction, you must surely have anticipated it.

NotTheFordType · 30/03/2019 05:18

He is a jealous type and has become bitter since a big promotion. We resent each other and try hard not too

Let me guess, you're the one doing most of the trying?

RosieCockle · 30/03/2019 06:06

Go abroad. You'll regret it forever if you don't. You'll get over him and he'll be a distant memory in 10 years' time.

heidivodca · 30/03/2019 06:16

The relationship sounds as its over come what may.

I moved overseas for work - highly recommend!

heidivodca · 30/03/2019 06:18

Sorry missed out if!

CupoTeap · 30/03/2019 06:38

Do it - you've not been happy for months turn it down and you'll always wonder

Notastepparentbut · 30/03/2019 06:41

You and he aren’t compatible, taking the job out of it.

If you were happy with him, you wouldn’t have gone for the interviews.

Whether you go or stay your relationship with him is over.

Make your decision based on that.

FrozenMargarita17 · 30/03/2019 06:46

You'd be bonkers not to go op

Nowordsleft · 30/03/2019 06:47

Love vs career? It doesn’t sound like at all. Definitely go.

SoyDora · 30/03/2019 06:55

Your relationship sounds like it’s dead in the water regardless of whether you stay or go, so the decision is whether you want the job or not.
I’d take it.

Thatnovembernight · 30/03/2019 07:05

Congratulations on getting what sounds like a fantastic job offer! My personal opinion is: take the job. You are only 24 and if you are career minded, your twenties are a great time to power ahead while you have fewer responsibilities. I’d pause for thought more if you had said this man was your soul mate/ you imagine having children together / you are blissfully happy/ are engaged or planning to get married / are devastated to leave him but instead you say the love has fizzled, you co exist and he has already shown himself to be bitter about one of your promotions. It sounds like you’ve grown apart as you’ve grown up which is very common. I’m sure he IS feeling shocked about the sudden turn of events (if this hasn’t been a long term goal) but it sounds like this relationship wouldn’t last anyway. Don’t waste yourself on someone who is jealous of your success- it never turns out well IME.

ittakes2 · 30/03/2019 07:15

You already know the answer which is what you went for the job interviews. Your relationship has been fizzling out in your own words...you are 24 - you will find love again. In fact you never know you might find love again with him - its just you will regret not doing what you want to do in your 20s so might break up later because of it.

BeUpStanding · 30/03/2019 07:17

GO!

skye199 · 30/03/2019 07:19

You are so young!! Go!!! Some time apart will do you guys good. You may end up together or you may start a whole new exciting life and leave him in the past.

Bezalelle · 30/03/2019 07:21

GO! A thousand times, go.

Shoxfordian · 30/03/2019 07:22

Yeah you should go!

ChrisPrattsFace · 30/03/2019 07:22

Your first iargraph says the love has fizzled, you come exist and you resent each other,

Then you say it’s love vs career?

From the info in your post I would take the career.

TimeforDuggee · 30/03/2019 07:27

It sounds like a great opportunity, you are young and you should grab it with both hands.

That said, I feel a bit sorry for your partner. I would be very hurt and angry if I thought I was in a long term relationship and they turned around to say they were taking a job abroad they knew I couldn't take. I'm not surprised he's annoyed!

You obviously want to take the job and to justify it you're looking critically at your relationship and highlighting it's flaws (and his flaws). Maybe just focus on what you want for your future, use the job as a natural break for your relationship rather than trying to justify the breakup with his alleged failings.

mummmy2017 · 30/03/2019 07:28

I think in your heart you went for the job, you knew it would mean change.
I think even writing on here is just a cry for us to give you permission to leave.
24 is young enough to restart your Life.

Pinkybutterfly · 30/03/2019 07:29

Go. You are very young and sorry but your relationship doesn't seem too healthy at the moment. Accept the position and see where things take you. I wouldn't be so sad if it ended... A relationship full of resentment isn't very healthy... And getting jealous for a promotion..... No no no

Snog · 30/03/2019 07:42

Great job and opportunity Vs shit relationship

Hmmm, tough one OP Hmm

Bluntness100 · 30/03/2019 07:44

Go. And if he loved you he wouldn't try to stop you.

StarlingsEverywhere · 30/03/2019 07:46

God, GO! It’s not love vs career, it’s amazing opportunity vs sulky manchild who you don’t even like very much anymore.

Original poster
Littlehelper101 · 30/03/2019 07:48

Hi guys!

Thank you all so much for your responses.

A few things -

Yes I have been with since I was 18 and he is all I have ever know. Over the years he has commented on my own independence and that I wouldn’t be capable of living without him and that I would never find anyone who treat me well if I left. So of course I have subconsciously taken that in. I know I’m very independent! So this of course is fuelling the desire to go do this.

You’re definitely right I know that moving to the unknown is scary and I will deffo have WTF the moments.

My whole life is entwined with his and that is what makes me feel sick to my stomach because I know how much it will effect his whole life. We would have to sell everything and he would be forced to re shuffle his life.

I would be the one putting him through all this pain.

Fast forward to if I say yes - that is 3 months of living together and would be absolute torture.

Sorry if this is rambles it’s early and my brain is all over the place from last nights massive arguement.

Yes I also have to appreciate the shock of this to him. However aside from this he turned around and said I relationship has been a bit shit ......

Argh

OP posts:
Notwiththeseknees · 30/03/2019 07:54

There is no downside to you taking this job. The offer of a fantastic, exciting future - a completely new start at a perfect age.

And, who knows? With some space between you, your partner might have a WTF moment and realise how he needs to change to continue the relationship. You might miss him, you might not, but if you do then take your time and you may have a totally new life together (with DDog) in the future.