Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Gosh this isn't easy! I can't imagine finding anyone I'm attracted to. And if I do, to have it reciprocated. Is it ok to go on a date with someone who seems like a nice person but who you know you're not attracted to?

I'm sat here crying. Sorry I've not read recent msgs.
I decided/realised that MrWow can't offer me what I want. I've told him we can be friends but no sex. He's such a lovely bloke and has been honest with me. We've both got the feels for each other but it's a case of right place, wrong time. Not sure if it's the end of the matter but it is for now, iykwim.
I've also canx my date with MrGardener as I found out he had a heart by-pass last yr and has no intention of giving up smoking/drinking. Whilst I smoke/drink atm I seriously aim to give up the fags (did it prev for 9yrs) and cut down on drinking. I want someone who wants the best for me AND themselves. It's a dealbreaker.
So, that leaves MrBE on Friday morning. He doesn't drink or smoke and has no kids. Am gonna lay it on the line for him and see what happens.
Will catch up on thread later. I'm emotionally wrung out.

I'm half joking about the punching above his weight, he's the same one I described as us both being solid 6.5s
However I get dates more easily. And he's a bit more insecure than me, confidence wise.

tooold

@TooOldForThis67 Hugs for you lovely lady. Sounds like you're having a bit of an epiphany about what you want going forward. We can't be right for everyone, just as they can't always be right for us, however much we will it. So sorry about MrWow, it's obvious how you write about him how much you care about him. Good luck for Friday with MrBE.

@30somethingandsingle I'm worried about you. MrS is telling you who he is over and over again. He is not respecting your boundaries and will try and push his kinks onto you until you feel you've invested so much time/emotion in this relationship that you have no choice but to go along with it. Please have a really good, long, hard think about what you might be getting into. He will not change. It's who he is.

@AirFace have you met in person yet? I didn't fancy my now BF from his pics but I loved chatting with him. Opinion completely changed when I met him, fancied the pants off him and there was instant chemistry
I say go for it, you never know where it might lead

67

TooOld

TooOld sorry to hear it's not worked out with MrWow but it at least sounds like you have some real clarity on what you're looking for.

tooold sending hugs

30something that sounds all very confusing your head must be all over the place. Perhaps he is just testing the waters to see what you are willing /not willing to do xx

TooOld be kind to yourself. It’s commendable that you’re sticking to your principles and what you’re looking for. It’s too easy to agree to accept less than that when it’s someone you really like.

leonasa will be interested to see why your iron has disappeared from your profile. One of my irons has unmatched me on tinder but I don’t know when he did it. We did go a little cooler so could have been then. We’re still talking and making plans now though. I hope it isn’t because he doesn’t want me to see that he’s still active on there.

AirFace I had low expectations of one of my irons the first time I met him. Was pleasantly surprised and had a second date last night. The kiss goodbye gave me fanny gallops so it can turn around when you meet someone in person.

Think I did a bit of self sabotaging last night with Mr Climber I'll call him. I think if I date anyone who's calm/chilled I tend to try and warn them that I'm quite an intense person and worry that we'll annoy each other down the line. I don't know if I'm protecting me or them?

I like this guy but don't feel a massive passionate spark like I've had in other relationships. But then the ones I've fancied the pants off have ended up being abusive arseholes.

How many dates do people give it? He's a grower but I don't know if I'm trying to form him into something he's not. I can't figure out if I don't understand him yet because I haven't given it enough time or if I'm actually listening to my gut.

I'm an extremely impatient person who jumps to conclusions so I think I need some outside input here about modifying my behaviour!

falaff Was that your first date? Are you attracted to him even if it isn’t madly fancying the pants off him?

MIA12 we've been on three dates now, had a ridiculous snog for about an hour after the second date and we've had a great time each time. The thing is that I just don't see it working in the long run, I'm overanalysing though. He's too cultured and 'grown up' and I feel inferior. I've had an unhealthy power balance before in other relationships and it was awful, I felt like a child, so I think that's where my fear is coming from. I'm a smart person but on other areas of life.

I honestly don't know if the normality of is is just alien to me. It's like I'm expecting this passion/love for a person to be there immediately and obviously that's not going to happen straight away!

I think I'm worried about wasting time with thw wrong person so want a very clear indication straight away. I don't know if we have a true personality clash or if I'm jut not giving him a chance.

falaff was there a spark at all? If nothing then give up if there is something then give it another shot. Personally it depends on the person and if I see any potential. Is he right on paper qualities wise?

Sorry I didn't answer your question. I don't massively fancy him in a traditional sense but there is something about him and the further on each date goes the more I'm attracted to him. He's very quirky and I like that. He has cute little things about him that come out and a genuine smile. Plus I have a thing for climbers and he has a very nice climber phisique that gives me the fanny gallops! I have a thing for hands and forearms and wow.

Yeah there's a bit of a spark but not massive. We're both being very polite and we're both quite shy. On paper some things work but some things don't, e.g. I couldn't have a deep political/cultural conversation with him. I'm quite childish/spontaneous and I haven't seen that although I think I'm putting him in a box.

I find it really hard no to compare people to past relationships and look for possible things to ruin things in 6 months time. I also miss how it was at the start with my ex, I wanted him so much it hurt and I when we got together I felt so amazingly happy. I don't feel satisfied with a slow developing interest with someone I don't have a huge desire for. But again, that relationship was shite so maybe I need to change my views on how a healthy relationship should grow and develop.

Dating is so bloody hard!

fanny gallops

The fact that you’ve said more positives than negatives seems to me that he sounds right up your street. I’d give it another date. Perhaps it was just first date nerves.

@30something - I completely agree with @Howling.

When you posted it last night and from your other posts that's exactly what I thought. I really hope you are able to think this through clearly, I think you've clearly got a strong head on your shoulders and aren't vulnerable but I do wonder if the sex has clouded your judgement and you're thinking more with your emotions rather than logically.

The situation, shit, or the actual doing? Are you OK ish?

@shitwithsugaron Do you think he might be married? A fab date wanting to use kik to message would make me suspicious.