Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

oh and 30something I don't like reading what is happening with Mr S. It really seems like he is ignoring what you have said and pushing your boundaries. Do you want to visit a swingers club? Is it something you want to explore with him? Judging from the comments from those who have been, you need a pretty strong stomach for it.

I'm 'chatting' a bit to someone and it's been very eye opening, however I'm only comfortable because I know we won't meet. I wouldn't if he was a potential iron /date/ something.
Plus now we've 'chatted' I know I'd be WAAAAY out of my depth, he's got some very very niche interests that would terrify me

NotCool I think that's a good approach. I always feel that I have to be dating someone who I could potentially marry, live the rest of my life with etc. But maybe I should just have fin and see where it goes.

I'm not sure how it works with dating multiple people - I've never done it! Is it OK seeing a couple of people at a time to see how it goes as long as you revise that if any feelings/progression is made?

I might have ruined it anyway as I way very honest with him and probably scared him off. So might have to go back to the drawing board!

I've had to postpone my date with MrEngineer for Thursday night as my ex has been called away unexpectedly (genuine family emergency) so I don't have any childcare. He was very lovely when I explained the situation, so we're trying to rearrange for Saturday night but he may have his DS then... it's so hard dating when you've both got young kids. Sometimes it feels like that ridiculous getting a fox, chicken and bag of grain across the river riddle 🙄.

Found you.

Bit of a shit day today, date with Mr SA was going well, he said he wanted to see me more often, we went for lunch and then he planted the bomb shell on me that he has been offered a job in London and wasn’t sure if he should take it or not, I obviously felt a bit pissed off but kept quite, then later he asked if I minded if he sent a email to the man about the job, we then spoke a bit more and I kind of said that it wouldn’t work between us if he took the job as it would mean hardly ever seeing him, he then sent the email anyway and decided he will go for a interview and see what was in offer, at this point I was pretty pissed off. I mean why say he wanted to spend more time with me, stay over etc... and then say he’s possibly taking a job 200 miles away? So all that was good today was the sex but after him dropping the bomb shell the sex wasn’t that great and I found everything he said annoying. So, total head fuckery. Obviously I don’t want to hold him back if he wants to take the job but if he thinks I’m going to hand around for a shag once every week or so then he’s got another think coming.

I have a feeling I will be back on POF this week looking for some new irons.

@Ant330 I'd personally keep it lighthearted. I've had potentials talk for hours and deeply and the magic just goes. I'm assuming you haven't met said date yet?

@Lovemusic33 MrSA doesn't sound what you are looking for. Maybe he really did want the job no matter what you said. I personally think you should keep your options open elsewhere.

Eesha the annoying thing was when he first told me about the job it sounded like he wasn’t that interested and was kind of talking himself out of it, said he probably wouldn’t take it and then half a hour later he decided he would email and was suddenly all interested. Kind of felt like he wanted a reaction (when he first told me I didn’t react).

love honestly the man sounds like a lost cause. It's right that a person should take an amazing job offer but a so-so one and telling you he wants to see you more? Dur. What kind of message is that? You deserve better and you'll get better....i wouldn't waste any more time on it...but that's just me and maybe there's more to him than meets the eye

Love it sounds like maybe he is enjoying the moment with you but not looking to the future. Some guys are like that. Mr Much Younger is very much a live for the moment and not think about what might happen in the future type of person and I can imagine him being like Mr SA. Very disappointing for you though.

love has he been offered the job or is he going for an interview?
Like others have said if it's either his dream job or the next step he needs to take on his career path then I get it if the two of you aren't that serious yet. If it's just any old job, then I think he was just trying to get a "please don't go" reaction to massage his ego.
I could be way off base with the latter, but...

super your right, he’s a total head fuck, why say he wants to see more of me and then say he’s likely to take a job in London meaning he will see me less? I kind of guessed something like this would happen, he’s starting to show his true colours, he doesn’t stay anywhere long and seems to like doing what ever he likes (possibly why he can’t hold down a relationship).

Ant he was head hunted for the job (so he tells me) so it’s pretty much his if he wants it, the money is pretty good but then again it’s london and he would have to pay for accommodation so the money isn’t as great as it seems. It’s isnt a job he particularly wants so not ‘the next step on his career path as such’, he said he doesn’t even really need the money.

He does talk about the future and me being in it but I think he expects me to just be here when he wants me to be, that’s not a relationshipmat all.

I've just read through this thread! I hope you're all okay! 😊. I've not been on the apps for a couple days as feeling a bit disheartened by it all. Only talking to MrKeen who I'm also not sure on 🤷. Big hugs to those having a tough day!

Hmm @Lovemusic33 that does sound shit - it's been quite a while now as well hasn't it? Sounds like a bit of a Peter Pan/man child - how old is he? Hope you are ok.

@MIA12 I may be overthinking this but today I noticed Mr Italian has also turned off his read receipts on WhatsApp. So I think that and unmatching me on Match may be to stop himself getting anxious! Which, if true, is really quite sweet I think ☺️ he's definitely not cooling, has been texting all day.

He did tell me today he is quite into fitness (5
times a week) which puts me to shame a bit and I hope won't be an issue! I try, but am not always good (on my way to a hasty yoga class now ☺️)

Hey all.

Haven't posted on here much for a while - since a few threads back actually.

Sounds like no one is having a particularly great time of it - sorry to hear about it and flowers to you all

I think I've just been love-bombed! Only two dates which were pretty much just total snogging and many passionate messages in between until now! Never slept with him as he's a full time Dad and I am really happy about that! Not sure if I've been ghosted but last message was "sorry I can't make the next date" and the tone of the texts changed COMPLETELY

Should I said - he'd been planning for things to do together in the future - argh. Really annoyed .

Oh lovemusic I think you are going to have to be really frank with Mr SA now. You sound like you need to know if this is a relationship or not, and if it is how does he see it working and progressing, esp if he is considering taking a job 200 miles from where you are. I know you like him and are scared of losing him, but this crap is driving you mad!!!

midcenturylegs what do you think has caused the change in tone? Do you think he's met somebody else?

I had a brief chat with Mr French which dried up ages ago, and then I got a message from him yesterday saying he'd been on a date with someone and was going to see her again and didn't think it was right to be talking to anyone else. How lovely!! (for her, obvs!). Not everyone is multidating and juggling irons :D

Aw shitwith don't feel bad. It's all experience isn't it? And as you say we live and learn.

jesuis dating with kids is so hard. Trying to juggle dating, kids, family, friends, work... how do we fit it all in?!

Thanks everyone for the msgs and flowers. It's great to know you all care. I've deleted all the apps from my phone and hidden profiles as I don't want any irons atm.

shitwith - What lesson have you learned from today then except not to laugh, lol?
love - To help us all understand, what are the positives about him? You obviously really like him despite all the head fuckery.
midcentury - Hmm, sounds like he's got another iron on the go.

leonasa his 42 but quite immature, he doesn’t have children and has never really settled anywhere.

NotCool I think I’m probably going to just end it, I tried to talk to him about how I felt and he just didn’t seem that bothered, he said he can see me at weekends (he can’t as I have my dc most of the weekend). I don’t want someone I only see once a week, I want someone who I can see during the week in the evening if I want too, someone to do things with, not someone to fuck at the weekends. I am pretty upset as I do like him but I like myself more. He has whatsapped me but I can’t even bring myself to read it as it will be him saying thank you for today and probably talking about how great the sex was. I don’t really want to talk to him, if he can’t even notice that I was upset earlier then he’s not worth it.

TooOld I guess at first I liked his outlook on life, the sex is good, he’s interesting and I find him atractive but now I’m getting to see the real him and I’m now not as attracted to him. I think I need to go on Tinder and arrange some dates, I need someone to take my mind off him, someone nice with the same interests as me. I think a distraction will help me end it. I might arrange to see a old iron at the weekend or I might arrange to see Mr Young for a bit of fun.

@Lovemusic33 it does sound like he is not the one for you. I think you need to end whatever it is if he is making you feel like you do.

On the subject of Mr S, he is due to come over tomorrow but I am not sure that will happen as I am ill at the moment.
I think I am going to give him an ultimatum- either the suggestions for other stuff stops and we concentrate on just us, or I walk away. No compromises (because I give him an inch and he takes a mile). I'm not sure if this is better face to face or by message.

@Lovemusic33 really feel for you. Guys like MrSA tend to be all about themselves and what suits them. Really shit for you 😔.

War is- intriguing!! Could be a good future story lol
30- be strong he worries me
Love- I think that’s a big shitty to say one thing and suddenly do another
Shit- that’s quite funny!
TooOld- prob best thing. Hugs