You are correct on both counts @shitwithsugaron.
It is so hard not to almost be pathetically grateful that anyone shows any interest though. I remember being genuinely amazed that MrSG (who is very good looking, if short, but I didn’t know that til I met him) was interested in me. But actually, in hindsight, I wonder if he might (a) have been amazed that I was interested in him and (b) been much more likely to struggle on OLD due to his complicated life situation than I had realised. After meeting me one of his his good friends did tell him that he was very lucky to have me. 😆
OLD definitely is an interviewing process. Much more so than ‘ordinary’ dating because it’s all about the dating. Meeting someone in real life offers a different range if possible outcomes. But everyone (well other than the ego boosters) goes into OLD looking to for a relationship (and/or sex). So it’s always going to be different.
It is hard though, especially as lots of people are looking for different things using the same methods. And I think lots of us go into it not really understanding what we want. Personally I wasn’t sure. I think I’ve realised that I am basically built for Proper Relationships. I’m no good at (or even interested in) casual things, or just sex, etc. I like being in a LTR and it’s what I’m good at.
But, if I were looking to date again, I’m not sure how I’d communicate that without sounding weirdly intense and hard work. Because even to me (who is crap at casual), ‘I am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with’ sounds way, way too much. Even ‘I’m looking for a LTR’ sounds like a big statement to people during the mutual interview process.
All of which means that it’s difficult for anyone to say clearly, and so hard to find people who you might actually like (and who might actually like you) who want what you want. I guess that’s why people find FAB refreshing; it’s full of people looking for sex so there’s less ambiguity.