Dating thread 151: We are the prize...

[30somethingandsingle]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Placemarking
Date on Fri with Mr Sales.
Offer of coffee date /social meet with someone I'm considering from ahem somewhere.

Got a bit of RL strife with the ex putting a spanner in things where he can...

Good luck tooold and lillyrose

Hello, please can I join you? I'm 2 years single and ready (I think) to give this a go. Never done it before and - I'm old! But also lonely. So which site shall I try first, and is one picture enough - as there is literally one picture in existence of me that is passable! (It is a recent one though!) Thank you so much for help/advice/tips :)

warls I feel your pain my ex is such a twat with contact for the kids I end up planning and having to cancel dates

@leonasa
Yes he was being moody/sulky in the restaurant.
The film was quite long but watchable enough so I didn't wanna leave.
Yes bit of an Amber flag there.
Maybe we are not compatible. Different opinions about some stuff.
He s 5 years younger than me and just bit childish in the whole moody aspects.
Will see what happens when we next Go out. Then call it a day if he's always gonna be sulky.

Well my date with Mr Eco Warrior was a disappointment. There was zero chemistry, he lives in a house share with three other people (he is in his 50s ffs) and he complained about how expensive everything is these days! He was also very skinny.

I managed to escape by explaining that I have an early start tomorrow. I'm kind of regretting blowing out Mr Much Younger for Wednesday night. He has read my WhatsApp message but not replied.

I will see how I get on with Mr Tennis.

shitwithsugaron' - thank you :)

@unique1986 mmm yeah definitely one to watch!

Hi @AirFace, I quite like OkCupid and Match, though Match you have to pay for

lilly crikey that sounds like an experience. Is there a way of salvaging mr much younger?

unique it depends what the things you agree on are. Trivial or important? Perhaps he was having an off day?

Nothing doing on Bumble. I have zero irons aside from my flakey FwB that I am trying not to overinvest in. Might have to reload tinder...

Sorry Mr EW was a let down lilyrose

unique he sounds hard work

tooold so you’d give them all up for Mr Wow?

So much going on @LilyRose88 sorry your date didn't go well. @TooOldForThis67 can't wait for update on mr wow.

I'm just organising my first FAB coffee date 🙈🙈🙈

@Airface I will say I often avoid profiles with one photo, just because it makes me feel like I don't totally know what they look like! People can look so different in different pics.
Maybe you could get a friend to take a few of you and you could find a couple you like?

Mr S has asked me to go to a swinging club with him in a few weeks!
Not quite sure how the conversation led to it, but I feel like I give a little bit and then he constantly pushes my boundaries. So much for taking things at my pace
He only wants to go and watch but I am not even sure I want to do that.
I might have to bin him off if this continues.

Welcome air
30 your iron is clearly not listening to you and pushing your boundaries!

Goodness me @30somethingandsingle I've been following your relationship with Mr S. Is this the way you want to go do you think? Don't let the sex cloud your judgement.

Oh 30 already. They can be quite intimidating at first. Well we’re for me- I threw up afterwards every time I went even if didn’t do anything for quite a while! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Were!

MissCabinCrew is driving down to see me on Weds afternoon
She's got a family meal out in the evening, so I'm going to be 'working from home'.
There were a couple of people asking for a male perspective on profiles, and as I also received some kind offers to do the same for me I'd be happy to return the favour. Although heads up that I'm no OLD expert having only just started myself.

I'm popping in as OLD seems to have worked for me. I'm now over 3 year post divorce, went on OLD after 7 months, lots of single dates and short flings, one 6 months but always rocky, now with someone 9 months, going well. I was on the dating thread when dating. Things I wish I'd tried earlier:
Be really honest about what you want and what your boundaries are.
Actively look and message out, don't wait.
Don't keep going on dates with someone because "this one feels better than others so as good as it gets".
Don't feel guilty if you enjoy the meeting new people and start to take it less seriously, there is no commitment by having a coffee with a stranger.
Most importantly, life carries on regardless.
Wishing you all fun dates!

@richdeniro I'm not really sure. He is confusing. Has been saying he is looking forward to spending the day with me, going out in the evening and being able to wake up next to me in the morning (limited with these times due to children on both sides) and then he announces he wants to go to a swingers club!!

@ccgirr that is my fear. I like the idea in principle, but I think we need to build up trust in each other before delving into that world together

@30somethingandsingle In his mind perhaps there is no contradiction, ie he does really like you and wants all those things and also wants the kink too! It really depends on how you see it though and whether you feel he is pushing you to do things you aren't comfortable with. A swingers club wouldn't be for me but if you do like the idea then perhaps you could just make clear to him he needs to slow down (again!)

That said, if you feel like he is just not listening to you and pushing your boundaries all the time, that is not good, he needs to respect what you are saying.

So, MrWow has just left. We had a mega serious talk with tears on both sides! The end result, we both understand each other a lot more and why it didn't work first time round. His summing up of my behaviour really made me think about what I'm doing with OLD. This is on the back of me telling him absolutely, no holds barred. everything. He doesn't want me to be with him if I think he'll just do for now. I've been very selfish and unforgiving with the men I've dated. It's been all about me.
The amazing thing is, he actually wants me to see MrGardener tomorrow night but asked me to not actually sleep with him. He wants me to seriously think about us and contact him in a couple of days. He said he'll be my life long friend, if I want nothing else.

I think I'm more confused!!!

tooold how do you ac5ually feel about him? You mentioned the sex was good...was that what kept you there? Are there other things missing? Might help to write it all down...not necessarily here but somewhere. Helps me if I cant think straight on something.

I think I'm a massive hypocrite

I'm still swiping but only looking, no current chats on the go and swiping left only. Window shopping.

I've just seen Mr Sales there. I asked him in the last couple of weeks if he's still swiping and he said no. I'm miffed.

This in - between stage of casual dating vs exclusive is tricky isn't it

Like reading someone's diary and wanting to question them about it, but you can't because you shouldn't have been looking