Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

I don't think it's about the porn watching but more of the lack of effort he is making.

If it's just about the porn then yes you are over-reacting to throw away a 20 year marriage. Sounds like you have a lot of other problems though.

Sounds like the porn is just one of the issues. Have you discussed your feelings with him on other issues?

Are you serious?

I get you. I doubt this is the only thing.

If he knows how you feel about it and still does it then I see where you're coming from.

So he's denying using porn but clearly still is...ie he is lying to you about it, gaslighting you so you think you're the crazy one....then also not taking care of himself, being lazy around the house and generally unproductive. It sounds like you've had more than enough over the past 2 decades so no, you are not over reacting. Time to set yourself free from this sofa slug.

You don’t need to have a reason to divorce other than being unhappy.
And you clearly are tired and relationship has run it’s course.

However if anyone tried to tell me how often, where and how to masturbate - i’d tell them to mind their own bodies.
Irrespective of what their beliefs were. Same about politics and religion. Own beliefs apply to self and self only.

Actually seeing the man I'm with or in love with wanking to someone else is a massive turn off for me. It would put me off them and did do after a very long-term relationship. Pathetic but walking in on them Is worse, socks round the ankles and seeing that stupid face that used to be sexy once dribbling over someone unavailable on a screen , desperate and no thanks.

Sorry OP, sounds like you're well rid for many reasons. If you do want to be in a relationship there are far better options out there for you .

Could anyone have seen thorough a window??
Grim op.
Would ltb.

Yuck.

Every man watches porn. Are you planning to live the rest of your life single? As you will not be able to find a relationship with a non-porn user.

My friend told me about some research being conducted into men who do not use pornography and they had to abandon the research because they could not find any participants!

It's not about the porn though is it? If it is then you're being massively unreasonable - why should you dictate whether he can watch it or not.

It's about the fact the rot has set in and he's not making an effort.

I hope he washed his hands

Every man watches porn. Are you planning to live the rest of your life single? As you will not be able to find a relationship with a non-porn user

Really, Maddy ? Perhaps you mix in different circles. Not every man watches porn. That is insulting to many of the males of our society, who don't watch Porn (or at least don't behind closed doors). Consensual porn-watch with your partner = fine.
Seedy and pervy non-consensual porn-watch behind closed doors = worrying.

LadyRochfordsSpangledGusset - precisely!

Sarahjconnor - again, well said. The "everyone does it" argument wears very thin sometimes. (eg: Cocaine use - "everyone does it") No, they don't!

Most men I know watch porn and a lot of females I know including me watch porn. Not a deal breaker for me. This man just sounds lazy who brings nothing to OP'a life.

Maybe his porn use is excessive? And because of this OP feels like she isn't satisfying him? Excessive porn use would put me off, and would make me think about my relationship.
I think you are well within your rights to be pissed at his porn use if it's excessive.
Watching porn is fine, but within limits I think. Is he addicted to it?
There are other issues in your relationship other than this tho that need bringing up with him too.

I'd be gone!!

Clearly there is a back story here. Ending a twenty year marriage over a cheeky wank to some porn is a bit extreme for most people, I personally don't agree one partner has a right to dictate the others wanking habits, but if this is the end for you, it's the end for you.

How do you know every man doesn’t watch porn? What a man does in privacy behind closed doors isn’t any of your business @sarahjconnor @EvansOvalPies you cannot know one way or the other and nor should you.

I am not sure how you come back from that.

That really is so grim.

Nope I would not have that grubby, disgusting man in my life any longer.
I would kick him and his porn hub out of your life, and give yourself half of chance of meeting someone that will make you feel attractive, loved and valued.

He has totally checked out.

BTW I know plenty men that do not agree or like porn. They see it is exploitation (which it is) and think its all abit yuck. Educated men tend to see it for what it is...and that is not remotely sexy.

You can do better than this op.