Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

If he's a useless lazy twat and you've had enough generally, then of course OP, you should separate

But to leave a relationship because your DH has a wank to a bit of porn..no way.

Is it really the porn? I suspect it's the other things that are getting you down and the porn is a secondary issue. Most men look at porn and a lot of women too. I know a lady in her late 60's who likes to watch it. Don't throw away 20 years of marriage. If necessary go to marriage counselling and both of you get back on track.

Crowdo you conflate / synonymise porn and wanking:

"Do you think people who masturbate deserve respect, OP? Do you masturbate?"

I'm interested in this. Can't you wank without watching porn? That is unusual, and definitely not standard, prob indicative of sexual dysfuntion TBH.

This thread is about visual porn - films / clips / videos.

For women written porn seems to be quite big - which is less problematic as it doesn't involve real actual people doing the real actual things (and with usually little interest from the viewer as to how "ethical" the scene/s they are watching are).

I like looking at porn, yeah. Lots of people do. It's a huge industry for a reason. I occasionally watch it.

But my concern is for why the OP is unable to empathise with the reasons someone might choose to wank over doing chores. That to me suggests sexual dysfunction.

"Do you think people who masturbate deserve respect, OP? Do you masturbate?"

You said this in response to OP.

I want to understand why you see wanking and watching porn as synonymous / 100% linked.

Got to say - that feels weird to me. Healthy adults should be able to knock one out without having to watch porn films / clips / images.If they can't - that's an issue. But it's your baseline / starting point.

"It's a huge industry for a reason."

So are lots of damaging things. In context of this convo, images of child sexual abuse (child "porn") are a huge industry and there is a reason.

I mean that's a super shite argument you get that right?

I think you're on the wind up!

Again you need to get your mind out of the gutter. You've gone from this poor chap trying to have a quiet hand shandy to images of child sexual exploitation. You can mention whatever crazy crap you like; it's still totally normal for people to masturbate. Including to images of women. What I'm into isn't relevant. But it's certainly nothing like what's going on in your head!

“However if anyone tried to tell me how often, where and how to masturbate - i’d tell them to mind their own bodies. ”
It’s not masterbation that’s the issue- it’s porn.

“Porn: so what?”

Porn so exploited, trafficked,commodified women. Lovely.

@BertrandRussell

So what's your alternative?

"poor chap trying to have a quiet hand shandy"

Poor chap :(

I have so many sads.

Poor chap can LITERALLY NOT WANK if he can't look at p*rnhub etc and their gentle lovely imagery of women/girls getting fucked every which way,

Which is fine because apparently it's just acting...?!

OOOPS

xpost

PP literally cannot imagine wanking without tporn.

Umm.

Ok

@MeAgainAgain

If you are referring to me as the PP, I am not the OP's DH. Would have thought that should be obvious.

I know some men who don't watch porn, not because they don't like naked women's bodies but because they know they've probably been trafficked/abused/could be under age etc etc. And this is enough of a reason for you to end it without the other stuff. He sounds crap. You'll be much happier without him. You don't have to tell anyone why if you don't want to!

"So what's your alternative?"

OK

Close your eyes

Imagine fruity sex with partner f your choice

Stimlulate genitals (and other areas if you like)

Orgasm

Take a few breaths

Then if family person

Go and do washing up or whatever

ZOMG! No need to watch porn! Phew!

@MeAgainAgain

I seriously don't want to imagine your choice of fruity sex

Being a man I can't see what's wrong here? He's got hands down his pants most men have there hands down there pants? A little bit of porn doesn't hurt also him saying a mate sent it he could be telling the truth I've been sent rude videos before

“@BertrandRussell

So what's your alternative?”
To using porn? Er-not using porn?

If you genuinely think that it’s a shame about exploited, trafficked and comodified women but what can you do- I have a right to an orgasm then your moral compass is a bit off kilter.

Anyone can leave, any relationship for whatever reason they want, your reasons are valid to you OP and that’s all that matters.

As an aside, how can anyone categorically say their DP’s don’t watch porn? I’m not with DH 24/7, so couldn’t possibly say he doesn’t.

So the klaxon porn mongers are seriously saying that using your imagination is morally / ethically less safe than watching porn.

Interesting.

This is DARVO I think? Not sure what it means but about reversal, seems odd that the person saying hold on what about the massive exploitation in this industry you can;t be sure what you're watching wa s1. called a perve and then like a few mins later called something like victorian,

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Interetsing.

@BertrandRussell

So what's your definition of porn? Any video or image of a woman in a sexual situation? And every human being on earth is supposed to pretend they don't exist. To what extent is that even logistically possible?

As far as I'm concerned any individual who rejects their partner sexually but is happy to wank over porn deserves the boot.

It doesn't matter how many people do or don't op, what matters is that you are being deprived of a sex life (and he's bone idle domestically to boot!!!)

All in all dead weight...Billy the baboon needs to go 👋

“As an aside, how can anyone categorically say their DP’s don’t watch porn? I’m not with DH 24/7, so couldn’t possibly say he doesn’t.”

Well, I can’t categorically say the sun will rise in the east either....But my dp understands about the porn industry. Understands that is bad for the world his children are growing up into if women are trafficked, exploited and commodified. And is perfectly capable of having a wank without it.

"@BertrandRussell

So what's your definition of porn"

OP is talking about porn hub.

We can exclude ideas about "porn" meaning sepia snap of a middle aged women in corset and stockings.

So.

Pornhub. If you need to be specific about media.

oopsss

shit sorry @ you in c n p bertrand

my bad