Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

How do you know every man doesn’t watch porn? What a man does in privacy behind closed doors isn’t any of your business @sarahjconnor* @EvansOvalPies you cannot know one way or the other and nor should you.*

You've just totally invalidated your own argument that EVERY man watches porn.

Erm...if this is just about the porn thing then yeah massive over reaction in my opinion.

It is such a personal thing and maybe he is embarrassed of watching it hence keeping it from you...maybe its an addiction...maybe its boredom? Believe me as a guy as soon as you get the chance to have some free time at home it seems to always go through your mind.

I appreciate all guys arent the same but refer to Mickey Flanagan's stand up routine...its quite accepted as very common that guys indulge often.

If i found out My Mrs had been watching porn I would be a bit miffed but in reality it's perfectly natural.

/thoughts from a bloke.

Boredom? Funny that when the boredom never extends to cleaning the bathroom washing up etc

Educated men tend to see it for what it is

Oh my. Did you really just suggest that educated men don't watch porn and uneducated men do ...😱

'Oh my" Bluntness pls tell me you're not a fan of that shit book that pretended to erotica?

The topic of porn seems to come up a lot on here! Let’s be realistic, the vast majority of men watch it, to think otherwise is very naive imo. He might tell you he agrees it’s bad, grim etc but guaranteed he’ll be reaching down his pants when he gets a moment
There are clearly other issues in this case. I think an otherwise healthy and happy relationship is not diminished in any way by someone watching porn. It’s natural to be turned on by it, pretty much every guy on the planet watched porn and plenty of women too. Before the internet, it was videos being ordered, magazines etc.

Just like pretty much all women like Prosecco and spa days

If a partner tried to shame me into not wanking and suggested I might clean the bathroom instead, I'd show them to the door and never look back. I actually just burst out laughing at the idea.

You might have other problems, but you're the one who sounds like a pain in the ass.

Absolutely agree it is the OP who is the problem here. You sound like you have major control issues.

Oh yeah...you mean self respect and boundaries

Why not respect your husband? Why are you steamrolling his boundaries?

You are trying to control someone’s body and how they think. The only person you can control is yourself. If it’s a dealbreaker for you... leave. You cannot stop him watching porn.

Do you think people who masturbate deserve respect, OP? Do you masturbate?

Boredom? Funny that when the boredom never extends to cleaning the bathroom washing up etc

I'm just gonna leave that there, because I'm pretty sure nobody has ever pretended that cleaning the fucking house is as satisfying as a wank.

Regardeless he sounds like a lazy arse.

So do some of you have non-wanking fairies who come in to clean your bathrooms? Horrible job, agreed . . . . . . necessary, nonetheless! I don't think anyone pretended that cleaning any fucking house is as satisfying as a wank (or indeed, any other satisfying pastime eg, reading, lazy bath, eating chocolate, etc). But a lazy arse is a lazy arse, and that cannot be denied. He sounds like a right sad wanker ('scuse the pun)

Which is why I said about leaving Maddy do keep up

Then leave then... what are you doing on here? Sorry we aren’t going to condone you shaming your husband for masturbating.

My friend told me about some research being conducted into men who do not use pornography and they had to abandon the research because they could not find any participants!

This old chestnut,🙄.

What that study actually said was that they asked men had they ever looked at porn and most said they had at some stage in their lives. That's very different to All men watch porn.

Ignore all the porn dogs here, with their bars set so low. Most self respecting women don't deserve or need to put up with a looser husband wanking to porn any chance he gets and lying about it. Don't let them make you feel bad because you have standards.

Maddy - you are only speaking for some of you. Please don't include all of us in your collective 'we'. I certainly don't condone OP's partner's behaviour. OP wasn't trying to shame her partner - she was asking for advice (on the Relationships Board - the right place to ask for balanced opinion).

OP - for what it's worth, you are right to question his behaviour, in my opinion. Most normal and respectful men don't behave like this on a regular basis (and I've been around for a very long time)

Sorry but women love a good wank to porn too! Its his own personal choice. He doesn't make you sit there and watch, he thought you were out the house!

If he is a lazy arse yes I would kick him up the ass on that one but leaving a 20 year relationship over not cleaning a toilet. Bit harsh and too idealistic!

Every man watches porn. Are you planning to live the rest of your life single? As you will not be able to find a relationship with a non-porn user
Two things

1. Not every man is a lying gas lighter
2. You are wrong that every man watches porn.

I would say watching porn is as common as eating packets of crisps / drinking alcohol / eating apples.
OP why don’t you like him watching it?

Wow. I watch pornhub myself every now and again. Very happily married. The idea of my DH ending our 20 year marriage because he objects to my masturbation material is absolutely laughable.

Katy he never wants sex (prob too much effort like everything else)
I object to porn generally.
We've had this conversation and he's told me he won't do it again knowing how I feel.