Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

Some people are OK with it, some aren't.

The worst bit of all (for me) would be all this time pretending to be something he wasn't. Maybe you wouldn't have wanted to be in a relationship with someone who watched porn, but instead of being open and letting you make that choice he has snuck around and lied to you about it. Now you are left feeling cheated and wondering if your poor sex life is connected (it often is).

That said, there is an addictive element to porn use. Men who don't necessarily approve of the industry can find it very difficult to stop once they get sucked in, especially if there are other issues at play such as depression or stress.

The question is: would you be interested in saving your marriage if he was willing to engage and work on it? If you are then you need to talk to him and find out if he feels the same.

“And every human being on earth is supposed to pretend they don't exist”

Eh?

@BertrandRussell

Your alternative to porn is for everyone to pretend it doesn't exist. How is that going to play out? It's not going to work, is it?

"So what's your definition of porn? Any video or image of a woman in a sexual situation?"

Or men. Men are depicted in gay porn in a variety of situations .

Men work in the field >>> gay for pay?
You must have heard of that?

How do you feel about a young man being fucked by a bunch of guys (NEW!!!! FIRST TIME!!!) for a handful of cash. Comfy, yes? In favour.

“Your alternative to porn is for everyone to pretend it doesn't exist. How is that going to play out? It's not going to work, is it?”
No. My alternative to porn is for people to know perfectly well it exists, but not to use it.

@MeAgainAgain

You're pretty hyper for this time of night.

@BertrandRussell

That's really semantics, isn't it? The difference between ignoring and not acknowledging.

So presumably, you're allowing for art to be viewed and sold? So what if I make a piece of art and it has sexual imagery in it? Is that OK? But no one is allowed to wank over the thought of it? Or is it OK because I think it's artistic. What if you don't agree it's artistic. It's pretty hard to define the difference between art and porn sometimes, wouldn't you agree? But presumably you have the ultimate definition for us.

Not sure if you’ve noticed, but porn has real women in it. Real women who have often been exploited or trafficked. And who are being commodified.

“It's pretty hard to define the difference between art and porn sometimes, wouldn't you agree?”

No, not at all.

@bertrandrussell you clearly haven't seen anime.

@BertrandRussell

Oh, ok. So I can make an artistic film about sex for other people to masturbate to then? Is that OK in your regime? Or is everyone being exploited in it?

You make a proper film with properly paid and consenting adult women actors - go for it. Anime? Go for that too. Pornhub? Nah.

I don’t care what you masturbate to. Just so long as it isn’t at the expense of other human being.

@BertrandRussell

So there isn't a single well paid and consenting female actor on pornhub?

Where do you get this information from? How did you collate that data? Must have been a monumental task. I'm interested.

There might be. But there are also plenty that aren’t. How do you tell the difference?

It’s up to the buyer to make sure that what he/she is buying is ethical. How do you make sure of that?

@BertrandRussell

That's exactly the point. How do you tell the difference? That's what I'm asking you. You're the one saying no one is allowed to watch it.

@crowdo

You can see it in her eyes........

You can’t tell the difference. So don’t watch it. Because why run the risk of using a terrified unconsenting exploited woman as wank fodder?

@BertrandRussell

Because people want to have a wank, that's why. Because people like looking at tits while they do it. You can't stop every person on the planet from wanting to do that. The same as you can't turn off the part of humanity that wants to drink coffee that is produced unethically, to wear clothing made in a sweat shop, to drive a car, to eat meat and dairy, to use plastic bags, or to be a human being living in the era of late capitalism. It's going to happen whether you tut over it or not.

Because people want to have a wank, that's why. Because people like looking at tits while they do it. You can't stop every person on the planet from wanting to do that. The same as you can't turn off the part of humanity that wants to drink coffee that is produced unethically, to wear clothing made in a sweat shop, to drive a car, to eat meat and dairy, to use plastic bags, or to be a human being living in the era of late capitalism. It's going to happen whether you tut over it or not.*

No you're right, you can't stop people from being assholes, but you can not be an asshole yourself, and care about how other people are treated and make that difference yourself. If we all didn't care and lived without regard for the well-being of others there would just be no point.
The more people that realize how abusive the majority of porn is, the less it will be produced, the less women will be trafficked, raped, beaten, coerced, drug addicted and just generally degraded, by men, all because of a wank.

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