Ending it over porn

[WithAllIntenseAndPurposes]

Repeated denied use that is. He is off work today due to weather conditions (outside worker)
I popped back and found him with his hands down his pants on the sofa watching porn hub.
I've seen his phone history. He's denied it. Wasn't him. Was just looking with his mates at work. Someone sent him a link. He knows how I feel about it yet has managed to make me feel like I'm crazy imagining things etc.
I feel like I need to end things now. Together 20 years next year. The rot has well and truly set in. He makes no effort to look nice does nothing around the house and has zero ambition at all
I just feel like people will think I'm overreacting

Who honestly likes the thought of their partner cracking one out over another woman's genitals? It is just so crass.

Angels - I think you've aptly summed up what I was trying to inadequately convey. Very well put by you (but I'm so sorry for what you've had to endure). It's utterly sickening. I so hope you've found someone who appreciates you as a person, and with whom you are happy. OR are happily alone.

lol @ porn defender telling woman who points out that loads of porn is racist sexist and yes has a large amount of content that features women who look very young (underage) or are very young...

Has her mind in the gutter

You couldn't make it up.

I know a woman who did stuff back in the day > just photo shoots. She was 18 but looked about 12, both facially and her body. I said to a friend "I'm surprised she gets that work she doesn't look like you'd expect she looks really young" and my friend pointed out that was WHY she got the work, and I was like, Oh!

I was very young then, I'm older now and am well aware of what is out there.

So cracking one off over somebody's private parts is exactly the same as watching Norris and Rita in the cabin and eating a packet of wotsits?
Oh dear I feel shocking earlier now I'm crying with laughter

At the end of the day, your partner (and anyone) is entitled to watch porn if they choose. I think you shaming them or trying to control - it’s really none of your business. Instead you should look to be in a relationship with someone who shares your views. Apparently this thread shows there are people out there!

Shaming?
No shaming but a very firm not happening fuck right off with that

entitled
interesting choice of word
and probably the difference between those who have reservations about the porn industry and those who don't

Of course evvvvvvveryone is entitled to wank themselves silly over someone else's body. Hell why not have sex with someone else as well if you want I mean you are entitled

Maddy762 But can you not see, that if you are in an intimate relationship with someone, then their sexual habits ARE actually your business, because it impacts upon your own live (and your lives as a couple). If one of you is not happy, then it is not good for a relationship. Any acts of such a nature have to be mutually consensual. If they're not, then someone is unhappy. And as for the OP being accused of shaming or trying to control - well, words fail me. Looks to be the other way round at the moment, from where I'm sitting.

OP - there are heaps of people out here who share your views (and not just on this thread). Thankfully!

life, not live (above )

All those who say their husband or partner doesn't watch porn and it's a dealbreaker for you, I think you should have a wee look at their phone. They watch porn.

Also is watching porn featuring paid consenting adults who choose to participate seriously being compared to rape? Seriously?

Ha ha yes the old 'it's their choice to take part in porn' chestnut

Evans yes it does reassure me that not everyone is cool with what I find repulsive and degrading

Morgan - I am able to have more than a "wee" look at my DP's phone. And he doesn't. You are clearly a subservient woman if this is how you feel, and you shouldn't put up with it. Plain and simple.

Every man watches porn. Are you planning to live the rest of your life single? As you will not be able to find a relationship with a non-porn user

Every man does not watch porn. My DH certainly doesn't, it wouldn't even occur to him to do that. And it's perfectly fine for the OP to say that watching porn is a deal breaker for her.

Sorry but So cracking one off over somebody's private parts is exactly the same as watching Norris and Rita in the cabin and eating a packet of wotsits?

Op you’re entitled to have your opinion of porn and he’s shown he doesn’t share that opinion. You don’t have to put up with anything in your relationship that you don’t want to, be that porn watching or him being lazy and not putting effort in. The fact you’re not having sex but he’s wanking over porn isn’t great.

Also it’s so patronising when people (always) harp on about “all men” watching porn. No they don’t. Maybe every ex or partner of yours has. Maybe every man you’ve asked has. But all men don’t. For instance I don’t like Prosecco and I hate shopping, stop stereotyping all men as porn watchers.

As for the suggestion of having “a wee” look at dp’s phone. he doesn’t watch it. But if it makes people feel more comfortable that theirs does to suggest everyone’s partner does....fwiw I watch it. Dp doesn’t. He’d be able to tell me if he did as I do.

Evansovalpies is every woman on this thread subservient if their partner watches porn then?

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

hdh747 I also believe in being entitled to privacy when in relationships

No, not what I said. I feel you are subservient if you think your husband is watching porn without your knowledge. And if you feel you have to sneakily look at their phone (lack of trust issue). That is subservience and mistrust, and one of the saddest aspects of a relationship.

I said earlier that if a couple is mutually and consensually happy to watch porn with each other, that's not so bad. Have you actually RTFT (or are you just cherry picking aspects of it to suit your own argument)?

That's one of the most ridiculous things I've heard.

But at what point does privacy spill over into secrecy, sneakiness, subterfuge and mistrust? What is the cut-off?

@EvansOvalPies if you stick to relationships with people that share your views on things that are dealbreakers then privacy shouldn’t ever need to spill over into those things.

hdh747 I also believe in being entitled to privacy when in relationships
In what? You're not debating you're just throwing sound-bites in.

If it's just about Pornhub (or anything porn-related), YABU in spades. Porn: so what? I have watched it too. It doesn't mean anything.

If it's about other things, then YANBU. But is there any way you could work them out?

@EvansOvalPies

No, you're asking if I'm a man because it's an old Mumsnet cliché to resort to when someone doesn't agree with you. It's quite transparent and not at all clever. No, I'm a woman. If that somehow validates my opinion to you