Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Have been reading thread 149 with interest. I posted a couple of days ago about a recent break up and reading your experiences and advice is giving me a bit of a boost.

Couple of dating questions - how do you know when you're actually ready to date vs. feeling lonely? I jumped into it too soon last time but wondering how you know.

Also, I feel like my experience of dating has involved a lot of putting out and then being ghosted or treated badly. Is it acceptable to wait quite a while before sleeping with someone if you're dating? I'm wondering if that might give me a different experience.

Thirdly, no tinder for me - the men on it in my area seem to be a bit sleezy. What other apps would you recommend aside from Bumble?

Thanks for the new thread daffo

lillyrose yay!! It moves so fast around here I cannot remember what everyone’s got on the go. Do keep us informed!

tooold haha what a sentence!! Sexting about tights 😂

cassettes so funny!!!

Hi bee I don’t really know when you know. I am not ready for another relationship I am searching for a regular FWB which is obviously different. I think you should dtd when you are ready. If they push too soon they are not the right one for you!
I am only on tinder, bumble and fab. Tinder is ok round me, I am not loving bumble and fab is not for the faint hearted and I don’t think it’s for relationship seekers

super I also deleted the apps before but didn't realise my profile stayed active. I've got bumble back on my phone but am now invisible. Beforehand I was probably still there so it could be that (it's the same with tinder)

so I am still not back on the apps but have decided I will go back to them in May (as I have a very busy March/April).

But in the meantime, an ex boyfriend of mine has reappeared - we last saw each other 26 years ago believe it or not but were very much in love with each other. We both live in different countries now so I'm not sure how/if it could ever work or if we will even like each other! But he is flying to see me next week and has also asked if I ever come to the country he lives in for work (I do) and how often could I come if things work out

I'm a bit floored by this - especially as I wasn't quite ready for dating yet! But we will see how it goes eeeeek!

marlboro when I was on bumble/tinder last year, I met 3 people who became FWB. We didn't want relationships but a year later, and I can still call up any of them for a shag. I think it's probably easier on tinder (I also got fed up with the messaging first thing and I suspect more FWB are on tinder than bumble, you just have to make sure you bypass the married ones). It is possible but I found it better to actually see them as dates first but that might be because I need some sort of connection/passion for good sex

daffo completely agree. Meet and see if there is any connection before dtd!

placemarking

Placemarking

Place marking

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6785765/Murdered-film-producer-34-shallow-grave-looking-love-Tinder.html

apologies for daily mail link - but it explains the OLD angle

also she was due to meet a vet - she had 2 huge dogs and locally people have been wondering where they are and how they didn't make more of a fuss but if it was the vet, I guess it could explain how he pacified them. Anyway, I hate speculation :(, poor woman and her family, I really hope they find the man responsible asap

BeeHopeful I am inexperienced at dating so don't really know the answers other than from my perspective I am over stbexh and will never want him back with. I imagine feelings for ex's is one of the main barriers that stops people from moving on. I only split up with stbexh a few weeks ago but he was so awful I honestly feel nothing for him but that still might put men off from dating me.

With regards to waiting for sex I think I am learning (from this thread) that we all have to do what we feel is right for us and there are no rules. Personally it would be hard for me to have sex too quickly with someone because of caring for dc (ex away a lot at the moment so I need to find a babysitter) so if a guy won't wait then I don't want him anyway. Having said that I understand the alternative view is you might as well have sex with them quickly to get it out of the way and if they run off afterwards you haven't wasted time developing feelings!

So today was MY FIRST DATE! A lovely man Mr Unadventurous. I really, really liked him. He was polite, thoughtful, asking nice questions, respectful and I think if I were ten years older looking for someone to draw my pension with and watch TV together he would be great but I still feel young and want to go out and have fun. He texted as soon as he got home and really liked me. I wish I felt the same.

Oh god that is so sad.

I think I’ve beckme quite blasé about going out for dates now. I do always do a first date in public but I don’t always tell people where I’m going. My teenagers know I’m going out so they’d know if I didn’t turn up home but they don’t always know where I’m going or who I’m meeting...

notcoolmum I think it's a reminder to tell someone the person's real name and where you're going. Even if it's not your kids, if you have just sent a whatsapp to a friend, that will hopefully be enough. I know there are some people who don't even find out their date's surname before meeting. I have done that myself once or twice but I really think it's a reminder that we should have their full name at least.

bee I have waited quite a long time this time. I did OLD from around July to Sept/Oct last year. Met someone but it all fell apart and I've now not seen him since Jan. Started pulling together some photos for my new profile and although I hid it, it was online for an hour and in that time I matched with someone and went on a date and it was awful. Within the first 5 mins, I knew I just wasn't into it and I just wasn't ready.

So I'm now waiting till May after a busy period over Easter with friends and family and I think by then I'll be more enthusiastic about it. I understand about the loneliness - but I think it needs to be more than that. I think you have to actively want to meet people and be upbeat about it otherwise it's just not fair on the people you're meeting (though I'm sure a lot of people don't wait and do jump straight back in and then do the whole 'I'm not emotionally available' - I don't want to do that!)

I don't think I've ever had the surname of the person I was going on a date with, other than the artist as he sent me a link to his facebook gallery... Should we have a discussion on basic safety requirements? I hope you'd all miss me if I said I had a date and didn't come and post an update!!! :D:D

Mr S is coming over tonight... He's calmed down on the messages and contact now so I'm looking forward to some fun. Will be the first time he's been to mine.

@Notcoolmum I've never gone out on a date with someone who I've never had a last name of.. usually we've connected via LinkedIn or something like that. Or at least they've given me their last name and I've been able to Google them and find out if they're legit. But maybe that's just me.

I'd never meet someone that I hadn't got their full name. I'd then stalk them on social media to make sure they were real

On a first date I've only ever had the surname once (strangely enough, of Mr Tights!) but all have been in very public places and I've had the full name - plus a fair amount of biographical detail - before a second date, which is when I have DTD. I'm both impatient and decisive, and I wouldn't expect that to suit everyone. But yes, I would say ALWAYS let someone know where you are going, some idea of who with and when you will be back.

Placemarking. Current plans to see Mr Sales the recurring iron later in the week.

Meant to say: as I'm in my 50s, many of my demographic make it a point of pride that they have no social media - hence I get the details of their employers.

I think it is sensible to know the surname of the person. I didn't ask Mr S for his but I found it easily with a Facebook search with location. I would have asked if I didn't know it.
Going with the safety issues I think first dates should always be somewhere public, you should never arrange for date to pick you up and you should always make sure that either someone knows who/where you are meeting or that should something happen, it's easily traceable.

On that note I've got a meet kinda date on Saturday. Although I'm not sure how fun he'll be.

We are going to walk his dogs 👀 but I made a joke about how I've never been dogging on a first date and he didn't get it 🙄.

So his name is Mr TonnsOfFun

Thanks for the new thread Daffo

I tend to try and find out where people work and do sleuthing that way. And tell a friend where I'm going.

Bee when you dtd is up to you - if you want to wait a bit then that's absolutely your prerogative. If I guy won't wait then he's not for you. Like Cassettes I'm quite decisive and need the physical bit to work before I invest time having dates with someone. Neither is wrong.