Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

So he messaged asking to meet at a pub at 7:30. Last name gained too 😉. I'm really nervous for tonight especially as we both live in a small town (less than a mile from each other) and pretty sure I'm going to bump into someone I know. Hopefully not MrB though as that we'll be pretty awkward. I said I was going to have a glass of wine before I left to calm my nerves and he said 'dont get pissed up. That would just be awkward'. 😂😂. 1 glass! 🙈😂😂. I can't say I'm excited about this one if I'm honest 🤷.

Plus I've got the biggest spot ever on my chin 👍

I like men to be bigger than me - but I'm 5ft3 and small so most men are 😂 It's interesting you should say that Cassettes - I think it might be the D/s thing coming into play ...

Thanks Mia12 - he has won brownie points
I also think it's a bit odd to be talking about exclusive before DTD. Don't be pressured into it too soon. You could be economical with the truth and still see your other date. Neither own you.
itsamiracle - good luck for your date tonight.

Don't we all have a 'type' though? I'm attracted to big rugby ones, over 6ft with hair & teeth! Maybe it is a D/S thing? But I'm definately the D. Personality wise - confident but not cocky.

Comedy I'm naturally D as well, but am enjoying finding out what it's like to not be the one in charge, for the first time in my over-responsible life. And with this has come the realisation that I have more than one type, to which I can only say - hooray, a bigger pond to fish in!!!

Hurray to big ponds!!

Good luck with your date tonight, Itsa.
Try toothpaste on the zit? I'm sure it's not as big as you think it is.

Mr Cat seems to be 'testing' me by sending me 'clever' jokes to see if I get them. It's bloody annoying - I don't want a date with someone who's going to challenge me all the time. He says stuff seriously which he later says is a joke - I've taken to ignoring the messages until we can have a normal chat. Literally hold out zero hope for this one 😂 doubt we'll even get to the date on Saturday if he carries on.

I've dropped massive hints to Mr Curry about meeting, but he hasn't picked up on them. I have a (very rare) pretty free weekend so would like to fill it with dates. Might just have to ask him ...

My lovely FWB came over today, and he’s spending the night with me Friday as I’m child free this weekend.

I think I’m doing this FWB thing all wrong though - I REALLY like him. I mean, really really.... 😖

Batshit that would really piss me off. I don’t like feeling like I’m being assessed.

MIA12 exclusivity already? That seems a bit premature to me.

I have Mr Copper FWB #2 next week 😊

Good luck Itsa

sidge the whole FWB thing confuses the hell out of me, I think me and Mr SA are FWB but surely if you are friends, your fucking and your not seeing other people, is that not a relationship?

I am not worried about weight either. I'm on the chunkier side but its height that is more important to me. I am def not the D, I'm a bratty s and in my head I need to be able to "look up" to the D. At least an inch taller than me and preferably much stronger! But that's just the physical stuff as other than that, it's the brain that will clinch the deal for me.

A clever, strongminded, respectful, 6ft5, beardy, heavyset salt n pepper haired filthy minded pervert who is also a good person would make me weak at the knees however- but I will be very very happy with a clever strongminded heavyset respectful filthy minded 5 ft 8 😂

Sidge have you agreed that the two of you are def just FWB? I was worried about catching feelings for Mr Welsh but since we had The Chat I'm much more comfortable. I don't think there's anything wrong with having lots of good feelings toward someone but wanting to maintain separate lives, unless it's the separate lives bit that's the issue?

I think some people don't consider a relationship serious if they're not seeing them several times a week.
Or have half moved in...

batshit Mr Cat sounds quite tedious.

I have 3 potentials & non of them look like Harry R's granny thank goodness! They all look very similar, all 6ft, dark hair & late 30's.

Some don't count it as a relationship if you only see each other once a week

@Lovemusic33 I’m glad it’s not just me! I’ve only ever been married for a long time, then had a 4 year relationship (we were engaged) so I’ve never done anything except “proper” relationships. I don’t know what the rules are!

@MehIAmKnackered it’s a bit complicated. At the start he made it clear he didn’t want a relationship, and he certainly didn’t envisage having one let alone with a single mum. We’ve been “seeing” each other for a few months now and it’s become apparent he isn’t seeing anyone else. I have tried to but they don’t measure up to him (I haven’t told him that and he hasn’t asked) but he has made comments like “I know you want a proper relationship but will I do for now” and similar.

I see him very regularly, we are in daily contact - but this is where it gets strange, as he always comes here. We do go out, but in my town not his. I’ve never been to his house. He’s definitely not married or in a relationship but he is incredibly private.

I told him a little while ago I didn’t want to be a dirty secret and he was quite upset by that, and reassured me that I’m not. I’ve made it clear I don’t want a dad for my kids, I don’t want to live with anyone again, and I want to just be me when I’m with him, not Mummy. Since then he seems much more relaxed about it so I’m trying to be too, and not overthink! (I’m good at that lol).

I’ve been in the previous dating threads and taking a break from the apps. Before taking a break, I had 3 dates with a guy who turned out to be an utter creep. I left each date not learning much about him as he evaded questions. My gut feeling was screaming to run away. I had zero info that I could verify online. How do you ask about surnames tactfully? I’d love some examples. Did anyone react negatively to this question?

I’ve never once asked a surname but realise I should Have known more! If things don’t work for me and mr engineer I will be safer going forward.
Unique- what’s your Situ? Once a week but no others?

sidge that sounds a bit like my Mr S. we agreed to be exclusive. Talk every day, we’re seeing each other a few times a week. Then he tells me he can’t be in a relationship and has things to work through. I walked away as I thought we were in a relationship and found his revelation very painful.
We have ended up seeing each other again and I am now seeing us as FwB. I’ve started dating again but my 2 dates so far have just made Mr S look Even nicer!! That wasn’t the plan... I know I need to make sure I don’t become over invested and keep my options open. But I really enjoy the time we spend together.

I've never got surnames! But from a safety aspect it seems like the sensible thing to do, so I will do from now.
I always tell a friend when I'm going to meet up with a guy but I suppose we all think 'it will never happen to me' & odds are, it won't.
On the flip side of that coin, I don't give out my full name. Because that leads to people knowing possibly too much about me. I've had a stalker in the past so I'm extra wary about that.

sidge, yes, it’s all confusing. I’m unsure of the rules, I was married for a long time and engaged once before that, there wasn’t any of this FWB stuff, you were either in a relationship or not, now people seem to want to have the beniffits of a relationship without calling it one. I don’t want someone moving in with me but I would like someone to make plans with and someone I can see a couple times a week. I don’t want to have to call it FWB just because we don’t see each other every day and he doesn’t keep a tooth brush here.

Milomonster I've only had to outright ask for a surname twice - for the others my beady eyes picked up the name from credit card/security passes etc on the first date, or I had an email address pre-first date. For my secondary FWB I just asked by text post-first date and he was, as he has been ever since, sweet and open, totally understood the need etc. For my ex-FWB - nightmare. His forename on Tinder was false (picked that up during conversation on the first date), he let me think his surname was one thing when it was another, he was protective of his credit card. I grabbed it in the end on the third or fourth meeting. And his reason for being cagey? He had quite a high profile conviction for drink-driving and was deeply - and rightly - embarrassed. If I had known at the outset I would not have gone any further I think.

@Lovemusic33 exactly! I want to be able to make plans, look ahead, even think about taking a holiday together (minus kids!). I don’t want to live in each other’s pockets but I do want some degree of commitment - I don’t want to feel disposable.

My friend said she thinks what I have IS a relationship, just an unconventional one!

Sidge and Love I'm so confused by the 'rules' on FWB and relationships that in my head I've just decided there are no rules so I will do what the fuck I like, as long as I'm kind and respectful to the guys in question and I accept I may end up hurt. At the moment this means seeing my main FWB every night this week just because - logistically - we can.