Dating thread 150 - I get knocked down, but I get up again....

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

TooOldForThis67 I can understand your reluctance with Mr Gardener. But he sounds like he's willing to make the effort for you. So maybe meet him and see. Go for a walk with the dog?

shitwithsugaron I feel very boring and inexperienced on Fab. I married young so I never had the fun when I was younger. Now my sensible brain keeps putting the brakes on whenever I try.
I find it interesting that the only one on Fab that said no after seeing my face pic, was the one who was my age.

I duuno, you go offline for a few days, and this thread goes nuts! I'm still catching up with the last thread, then this one... Phew! [shocked]

shitwithsugaron I've had some asked similar questions. But someone wise on this thread told me to reply something like "My kink is getting to know the person outside the bedroom".
And I say I'm not prepared to discuss likes/dislikes around sex until I've met someone. It usually gets rid of them.

My profile says that I prefer vanilla sex but would be willing to explore more once I got to know my partner and was comfortable with them.

But you're right. It makes me squirm as well.

myold glad you got a profile on fab. I think it means you can delete guilt free as they should know what you are looking for!
Mr Big has verified me
Catching up with the thread

30something that sounds great

ok, all caught up.

I'd like to put my two pence in about some earlier comments re ages and sizes, and hope I don't come across as misogynist..

I like women. I don't care that much if you are slightly older or younger than your profile, or that you've gained / lost several pounds. If you are interested in me, then I am interested in you.

I like to think I'm a nice genuine guy, and I try and make sure the 1st (and 2nd) dates aren't all me me me. I listen (really! ), and try and remember important stuff.

I try and live by rule 11 - to me, that's vital!

So, update on my irons.

I have a date with Mrs flakey-but-snoggable tomorrow evening - assuming she shows up! She now seems as keen to dtd as before, despite earlier messages to the contrary, but given she is still getting over losing her dp, I'm approaching this very very carefully (rule 11!)

I'm meeting Mrs longblondehair on Saturday, and Mrs non-communicative (how hard is it to message more than a sentence!) on Sunday. Mrs Complicated has removed herself from consideration.

Hopefully, I'll have something positive to report later this week, or early next week!

On Fab my profile said (says, actually, as I've only hidden it, not deleted it) that passion is the most important thing to me. I was never asked about kinks ...

Man glad you have some dates lined up - good luck!

Man I think that attitude is commendable, it really is. But it does make you sound a bit...desperate? Like you as a person should have some standards you wish to uphold in regards to the people you date. Just because they're a woman doesn't automatically mean you should be interested in them?! You need to have your own wants and what you find attractive in a woman.

Everything else just makes you sound lovely though, I hope all these women you are dating can see what a good egg you obviously are. I'd be careful with the first one though - that's heartbreak waiting to happen with a woman who quite clearly isn't over losing her DP.

A little bit late to the discussion about safety but so sad about that lady who was killed. I think it’s important that we don’t get blase about meeting people (easily done, especially when you’ve met several people and it starts to become more normal to you). I send as many details as I know to my sister and tell her exactly where we’re meeting, along with the dates phone number. But I have been guilty of forgetting to do that on a second date so will try to be better. The WhatsApp location tracking is a good idea too.

k1233 I hate being smothered with contact too. Perhaps leave it for a couple of days just to make sure he’ll take the initiative? I know what you mean about the ‘games’ but try to just go with what feels right for you. If he always replies that’s a good sign.

ItsAMiracle Definitely best to meet up quickly and if he cancels tonight at least you know he’s a flake who isn’t worth your time before you get invested in him.

Batshit It is shit letting people down but at least he knows where he stands now and isn’t holding out in vain hope. You’ve done the right thing.

TooOld He sounds great if he’s happy to make the effort or for you to bring the dog. Anyone with that attitude would be earning brownie points with me.

The FAB talk is going over my head but good luck to everyone on there!

I’ve got date number 3 with Mr Giant this evening. I’ll be staying over. He’s keen to DTD but I’ve told him I’ll have to see how I feel. I’d never normally discuss this but somehow we ended up talking about past numbers. He thinks he’s been with about 150 people! Wish I didn’t know that beforehand! He’s also asking for exclusivity and while I don’t want to mess him around, that feels v. early to me.

Mr MartialArts would like a second date (I would too) but don’t know if that’s fair on him or Mr Giant. Not sure I’m cut out for the multiple dating scene either.

man I don't think you sound desperate, I think you sound open-minded - which in this game is important. That is assuming you would turn someone down, having met them in person, if they don't do it for you. I agree with you that a bit of fuzziness about age and weight is acceptable, blatant lying (like my Mr Tights) is disrespectful and just plain weird.

MIA12 Mr Giant asking to go exclusive before a third date and DTD sounds pretty odd to me.

Cassettes This thread moves at an alarmingly quick rate, what happened with Mr Tights? Or is it on the previous thread and I can go and have a look.

I have to disagree, fuzziness about age and weight isn't acceptable in my book. I'm also not sure why you'd do it in the first place as you're obviously going to be found out very quickly which means a) the person knows you've told white lies to find you attractive enough to go on a date with in the first place, and b) you're misleading someone and that's not an attractive trait. I'd much rather someone was honest from the start when it comes to things like this. But that's just me, everyone has their line in the sand!

Mia Good luck on your date tonight, not that it sounds at all like you'll need it! It does feel very early for exclusivity, and maybe you'll be in a better position tomorrow to discuss it. This is why multiple dating is so hard when there's two people you like and want to give a chance to! At what point do you decide you have to decide between the two?!

I'm with @Auba14 - don't see the point in lying it just makes you look like a bit of a knob!

Lying about weight or age isn't acceptable in my book either.

Years ago I met up with a guy who looked nothing like his photos, that was a waste of my time & I did say to him he looked nothing like his photo. Maybe he thought I'd be won over by his sparking personality & wouldn't notice that he was short, FAT & 20 years older than he claimed

I may be the only woman in old who made herself a year older in her profile. I just put 1/1/77 because I hate scrolling through the dates. So. Mr old iron cancelled last night due to sickness to tonight. He finishes work at 4 and I'm at home so he asked to come round. I'm almost certain this means we'll never make it out to dinner 🙄 might be a good time for the chat about ... where we're at with dating other people. How does everyone else approach these chats? Do you say what you want or ask what they want?

man4allseasons surely you don't mean you fancy every woman who shows an interest in you? How recently was Mrs Flakey bereaved? I'm not sure that's something I'd want to get in to.

MIA2 without the chat about exclusivity you are free to see them both, you don't sound too sure on either of them? I'd not write one off for the other at this stage.

I'm talking about being 'economical with the truth' in the profile rather than bare-faced lies - basic marketing really.

Re fuzziness of age - my reasoning on the acceptability of this is selfish: I turned 56 at the end of last year and instantly fell into a chasm of not even appearing in people's choices on Tinder and Fab because I was 55+. So I became 54 - then as soon as I got beyond the 'hi sexy stage' of messaging I told them my real age and why I had lied. I'm proud of my age and expect whoever I'm with to celebrate it as part of me, but seemingly the algorithm gonks disagree with me and they call the initial shots.

Re fuzziness of weight/hair/height - people are sensitive about this and I don't expect them to take a complete cold shower of reality about their looks when they are starting out on the process of getting someone to love them. It's hard enough as it is. Of course they are going to get caught out so they're idiots if they are too 'fuzzy'. But messaging again helps: I'm tall so I always said to guys 'I'm 5'9", I hope that's not a problem for you' - and off they ran (usually)! You could equally well, I suppose, message 'I'm not into baldies/fatties' etc?

Auba my Mr Tights is on the previous thread

@supercali77 I just asked mine after about 5/6 weeks of dating how he felt about coming off the apps or whether he was still actively chatting with others etc
At the time due to the age difference, I was prepared for him saying he wanted to keep options open and I said to him that I'd be fine with that, I just needed to know so that I could do the same but as it happened he said he'd already assumed we were exclusive, he'd already removed the apps from his phone so we just officially took all our profiles down at that point.
I think ask first how he's feeling about things but don't be afraid to state what you want also. Good luck!

Yes it’s not quite right is it Cassettes

Thanks for the good luck Auba I hope you’re right and maybe tomorrow I’ll have a bit more clarity about what to do. I can see the benefits in multiple dating (not overinvesting etc) but you’re spot on about when to decide. It seems extra brutal to be effectively choosing someone else over them too.

supercali why don’t you tell him to meet you out somewhere instead? Don’t let him come to your house if it isn’t what you’re looking for too. Don’t overthink the chat about exclusivity, I’d probably ask what he’s looking for long term before showing your cards incase he just agrees with whatever you say.

Notcool I like them both but not crazy about either of them yet. I could see myself being friends with both of them. I’m trying not to write them off just because I don’t fancy the pants off them straight away.

Who would be comfortable dating guy at least 2 stone lighter than them?
Or dating a guy 5 + stone heavier?
Im trying to say, when is too thin or fat compared to yourself?

Hey all. It’s good to read your updates - moves so quickly!
I’m taking a break at the minute. I’d decided to just before I met my last ‘iron’ who i saw for a few weeks. On our fifth meet we DTD, he’d bought me flowers etc, then the next day started to get weird. Pretty sure that it wasn’t my technique 😂. I won’t go into it as a bit identifying. Anyway, it’s all done and dusted now. I’m feeling the need for a break. I have a friend who lives upcountry who I’ll be meeting at the weekend and we are planning a bit of ‘WB’ to go with F 😁 can’t really go any further than that due to distance but I like him very much as a person and he’s very eager to please 😁

unique I'm honestly not that bothered about weight. I've always been with fairly slim guys up to now but my main FWB is quite a bit chunkier than me and I really like it. Mainly because the body comes with a person attached, and he's a nice person, but also because he makes me feel slim (hooray!!!) and he's very strong so plays a bit into my D/s interest (apparently it's a DD/bg thing)