Ex Husband and New Wfe

[SillyBillyMeClarkie]

Hi everyone, in desperation I find myself here. before I start my story, please can I ask that you don't berate me, im just looking for someone to tell me Im not bonkers! nor being taken advantage of at the risk of my children.

my exhub and I split up in 2015. things were relatively amicable. our girls stayed with me in the main, as I found it helpful to have them around me, and also because he moved in with his gf who he had been seeing for some time (found this out after). anyway the girls (then 12 and 13 ish) would go their dads once a week and then I upped it to everyother weekend. id started seeing someone (lasted about 8 months) but things didn't work out. my girls didn't enjoy spending time at their dads as his gf didn't make them feel welcome but they percervered as they love their dad.

so fast forward to now, I have a new partner my ex has married the gf. we have lived together for 18 months now, but y ex has become very bitter. we did have an informal financial agreement, but he cut that as soon as I started dating.

he then started cancelling the weekends with his daughters, which began to cause them such upset. he then refused mediation which upset everyone.

my ex was having overnight care every weekend, but this was getting in the way of his life, so he DEMANDED a change to every other weekend and a couple of nights which I gave into. I had a visit from his wife at the time, screaming and shouting the odds about when she is prepared to have HIS kids in her house!

so I relented and agreed to their rota. this was some 6 months agp, and the rota has been working well, up until now that is when he has taken to leaving me shitty voicemails, telling me not to send his kids to him. ive now received a solicitors letter setting out when he is prepared to look after his children.

I am at my wits end, for some reason he is failing to understand that his children need him and he needs them. his wife is playing mind games saying that his children smell, and that she can even smell their periods. she is doing all she can to derail their relationship.

we have no court arrangement, and he refused mediation. he played up about money so u had to make a cms claim. he refuses to pay even a penny more.

we have a shared care arrangement, which he is now trying to wriggle out of, I know there is no way I can make him see his kids, and you will hate me for saying this, but the same applies for me.

if I allow this behaviour to continue men like this will take advantage of women like me. he made these children with me, I didn't say id have childen on the understanding he'd always be there for them, I presumed that would be the case like many other women in my situation.

both mothers and fathers have a responsibility to their children... right? kids need both of their parents...right? how is his fancy free life with his pensioner wife be more superior to his children's welfare?

I know the solicitors letter isn't worth the paper its written on, but it has shook me never the less....

Have you even explored any of those options? You’re not answering any questions.

Can't your EH pop have the younger girl live with him? ie split them up? Maybe when they go to visit, they're still fighting over there too. Tell her if she doesn't sort herself out, you'll pack her case and send her over to him.

Yes I’ve explored them!!!!!!

She tajes no notice of me. She ignored two ipolice officers last week. She dint give a damn

She has yelled at me tonight over gravy!!!!! It’s bullying.

None of that stuff helps when you are on your knees begging and pleading does it!!!!!!

Who are you begging and pleading with? You are looking for help in the wrong place. You ARE NOT going to get it from your exh. You don't seem to want to take any advice you just want to be angry.

What exactly are your mental health issues? Are you on medication? Have you been to a doctor?

I thought I might have got some support here.

I was wrong.

I’m not angry.

I’m broken

Never mind. Thank you all anyway.

I’m signing off. No need for replies. They’ll not be read by me

OP I’ve reported your nasty PM.

It’s not bullying for goodness sake. It’s your daughter in emotional pain lashing out at the parent she’s closest to.

All you’ve done for most of this thread is moan about your ExH not helping. I’ve told you I understand your anger, my ExH does nothing for our child and has never even met him. But you need to accept he won’t do anything.

You think you’re upset? How do you think your daughters feel that their Dad is treating them like this? They’re devastated and lashing out and now you don’t want them either. Not once have you expressed an ounce of sympathy for them.

If you refuse to engage with anything helpful people have said, then there really isn't much point

Well I wouldn't want to walk in the OP's shoes for a day, never mind every day without a break.

No you clearly haven't tried to get any help from other avenues just your exh.

I don't know why you have bothered reading any of the posts so far, you haven't paid any attention to the help anyone has offered. You posted this about 2 weeks ago. What have you done since then to try and help yourself?

Well I wouldn't want to walk in the OP's shoes for a day, never mind every day without a break.

Nobody is saying they would but you can't force someone to step up.

Nobody is saying they would but you can't force someone to step up.

But the ex husband IS forcing the op to step up. She’s saying she’s not well. She doesn’t want to step up. She needs a break and yet the ex husband gets to walk away with people saying ‘you can’t force him’, whilst she is indeed being forced to take full responsibility.

I feel for you op and understand your frustration. It’s not fair.

But having said that, what is the answer? Drop the 15 year old at her dads and drive away? I think sadly you are indeed stuck and it’s not fair. We love our kids, but everyone needs and deserves a break, particularly when children are more challenging for whatever reason.

I really wish I could give you good advice...instead I’ll just have to send best wishes and sympathy.

I feel for the OP as well. My ex gets to do as he pleases, steps away, actively tries to turn my eldest against me (doesn't bother seeing the youngest at all) and I have to keep stepping up with all the social services, CAMHS and school involvement. I don't get to have a break ever and it's really fucking hard.

It absolutely sucks and I reached a low point a few weeks ago when I had to call the police. My ex simply said in his single communication to me (he doesn't usually respond) that he doesn't care that my DS steals from me.

But, I demanded help from other sources, CAMHS being the most useful and am getting counselling for my own mental health while I deal with all of this.

OP, try to concentrate on getting help from sources that want to give it, not your ex. Your disappointment with him will feed into your downward spiral. Let your daughters make their own arrangements.

I know it's hard. I'm still not over the disappointment in my ex but I'm trying to get through it. I hope your DP can support you.

OP, your daughter CANNOT just ignore the police. Phone them every single time she attacks you. They WILL take action.

I used to feel very much as OP does. It isn’t fair, but her ex has proved himself to be a selfish shit by cheating on her in the first place, so chances are he’ll never do what's in the best interests of the dc, and only what's in his best interests. I eventually realised that, although it wasn’t fair or right, I was far better off simply doing what was best for the dc. My ex now sees the dc eow, if that. But you know what, ultimately he’s lost out in the dc growing up. More fool him.