Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

life I like toos text suggestion to send to iron on holiday
focus good luck for meeting with fab girl
comedy 😂😂 about the car
shit hope things have gone ok with saying thanks but no thanks to mr indie.it you have been honest with me rugby then I’d say you haven’t blown it-if he chooses to part ways if he’s only wanting fwb and you’re wanting more then it should save you more hurt in the long run.
warrier sorry you’re having a shot evening.Sorry if you’ve mentioned already but do you have children?how are they coping?it is still early days so I would expect you to have some up days and some down days. Can’t believe your dh’s friend asked you out after 4 weeks...so disrespectful and I think your comment to him was deserved.sending hugs xx

What's up warrior come sit & we will put it to rights x

I be honest my husband's death was a shock. On the road to recovery but too much damage. But we had minimal conversation about things.
Like he left 3 instructions for a funeral which still make me laugh. More about my outfit than anything.

But he did say watch out for a and b. They will hit on you at some point. But it was the brass neck at being offended that I said no.... lost my shit.

Look it's actually more common from widow shit i have read for people to move on faster than not. No judgement to those who do as the loneliness is bloody scary. However it's just not me. But I screen shotted his messages as proof because I actually thought I'd imagined it all.

So sorry you having a bad day warrior.
In an effort to cheer you up this morning I managed to be downstairs naked in the kitchen when bf’s adult daughter arrived. I had to hide naked in the dining room and he had to throw me his hoody!! Was trapped there til she left 🤣

Oh and warrior a funny date story for you - well not particularly funny but it does make me chuckle now. A colleague of mine set me up on a date with an employee of her husband a few years back,which I thought was a good start (rather than just a random from online).he was talking about how he used to be a bad boy and took drugs when he was younger and I said we all have a past and lots of people have dabbled with something at some point in their youth and I said ‘but not the hard stuff right?’ to which he looked to the side and went ‘meh’...turns out he was an ex-junkie (just smoking I think but still!!). Was clearly a thanks but no thanks from me, but couldn’t tell my colleague the real reason why there’d been no second date as had no idea if her husband knew about that or not!

Coco I text him earlier a joke about the weather. We had a bit of chat and then I said I'd let him get on and enjoy his night.
I'm just not sure if he's just being a nice person or genuinely interested. He did send a nice picture of his tan lines 😉

@warrior so sorry for what you're going through.

Tell me if your worst but funny dates please people.

Nothing completely outrageous but I'll give you the top three:

1. Went on a date with a woman who turned out to be a Hollyoaks actress (I don't watch it so had no idea), halfway through the date and after far too many drinks she decided that because she'd never been to a strip club before she wanted to go to one. We ended up in Spearmint Rhino on Tottenham Court Road and she had a lapdance in front of me. Pretty awkward to say the least.

1. Met a Brazilian girl in Soho for a second date, as we were walking somewhere to get food she decided she wanted to show me where she goes to church - I had no idea that she was devout catholic at this point. We walk in and there was a full on mass going and she decided we should sit through it - so I had to sit there for it's entirety and at the end watch her on her knees praying in front of the alter for what seemed an eternity.

1. Went on a first date from Bumble with a girl and we'd arranged to meet at a pub close to where I live, I've been on a few first dates there over the years. She told me her housemate would be coming along very briefly as she was meeting another friend to go to the cinema with. When she turned up I recognised the housemate as I'd been on a date with her three days beforehand. I think it was more awkward for them than it was for me.

I have 3 girls... one is a baby.
I've just said to a friend you survive and cope. You have no choice with young children. But it's awful that you do just cope .
Luckily I kicked the shite out of the fridge freezer when they went back to school. Worth the broken toe.
I am trying to find laughter in things because he was a joker. I've had the post mortem review back and that has actually helped....
They give a whole description of the body and said penis appears normal. So I was hysterical with that one because ladies it was perfection lol. I satband thought should I call the coroner and tell him my husband would be offended that you described his pride and joy as normal.... But you do have crazy thoughts and moments where crazy seems normal. Thank God for coffee and Marlborough light hidden in my handbag... and to you lot because seriously this thread had kept me sane in the early hours x

Thank you they have made me laugh (Sorry)
Rich I'm Irish catholic those masses are so long at times. And if your not catholic sometimes it looks like it over when it's not lol.

That was nice He gave you a hoody.

Yeah drugs a deal breaker for me.

Funny one from me ...

Went into city to meet someone for first time off bumble. He said he'd meet me at station. As I'm leaving station I see a guy standing at side. He looked at me and started to walk over. I wasn't entirely sure it was the guy I was meeting but you know what photos are like. Anyway, he came up to me, hugged me and kissed me on both cheeks. He then started speaking and I couldn't understand a word he said - he was Italian or something and his accent was just too strong for me. At this point were walking out and I'm thinking "shit, you hid that well in messages " and he spoke again and I had to say "sorry, I don't understand". He then asked my name and I said and he merely said "Oh, you're not the right one", turned and walked away 🤦‍♀️😂 I left the station and the guy I was supposed to meet was just crossing over to me. I did tell him I'd hugged and kissed a stranger already 😂

Warrior, hugs and kisses to you

Oh bloody hell. Hand me the spreadsheet. I'm trying to convo 5 & got them all mixed up.
Me:how tall are you?
Him: 6'2", told you that already
Me: I know, just testing x

Hey warrior hang on in there, I'm 3 years ahead of you in the widow stakes and dealing with life 100% better than I did the first year. (Also have kids) You will manage and you will be one tough cookie too.
As for funny stories (started dating after year and a half) I once walked into a cafe, grinned at lunch date ( as he was better looking than photos) pulled chair over, sat down, then realised from his confused expression (and lack of chair!) That he wasn't expecting anyone, turned around to see actual date (Not better looking than photos) watching the whole thing! I'm totally not bothered by things like that so we had a good laugh about it but I was gutted it wasn't the first chap!

@warriorprincessandwidowed I am so sorry you're feeling shit and absolutely think your response to your husband's "friend" was entirely necessary.

My funniest one.

Met up. It was during my early days of dating so was daft enough to agree to dinner for a first date. We'd chatted a fair bit by text and he seemed lovely and was attractive. We sat down. Ordered. He then proceeded to tell me all about his ex wife, complete with photos 😱 "This is Kirsty on out wedding day. This is Kirsty on our honeymoon. This is Kirsty after giving birth to our first" and so on. I must've seen 40 pictures of Kirsty and didn't really feel I could leave in the middle of a meal. It was utterly horrific 😂

@warriorprincessandwidowed not a funny story but the worst date was a dinner date again before I realised coffee dates are best for a first date. He had a chip on his shoulder about money. Told me in pounds and pence how much his ex had got of his pension. Gave me a hard time for driving a Peugeot car and then proceeded to say "I can't wait till I stop paying for my kids so I can go a decent holiday". I actually said did you hear what you just said there was no 2nd date what a dick!!

Thanks myold cannot believe you made a spreadsheet! I have paid up as it’s so confusing

Just place marking, I downloaded a couple of apps earlier, need to get back in the game. I've gone and got feelings for my fwb and need some distraction.

So what exactly is love bombing??? I started chatting to Mr Glider this morning at 11am ish we were on WhatsApp by 1pm he phoned me at 2:30pm we've messaged on and off all day we have become Fb friends - (we were sharing videos of things and one happened to be on his page) it all feels so very natural but I've never done this with anyone on day one so now I'm just panicking - he's not made any declarations to me other than I have a nice smile and he's looking forward to meeting me. So it doesn't feel like love bombing but I don't know. Help

Have arranged to meet another from fab on Thursday. We have been chatting on and off for a few weeks and I blew him out for Mr S. we will call this one Mr F as hes got a good sense of humour and makes me laugh. No chance of him getting too keen, I fear he may be attached as he can never do evenings...

It's very hard to spot @Focus and it doesn't sound like you're being lovebombed to be honest so I wouldn't worry.

It's done by those on the Cluster B spectrum as a method to manipulate you into falling for them and thinking you've found your soulmate, they also are able to mirror you so you get even more attached that way as you seem to have so much in common.

There's no one way of spotting it so you just have to look out for other red flags along the way. It's also hard to miss as lovebombing creates so much oxytocin and dopamine that it's like a drug. It's like pulling the handle on a slot machine, and each time you hear the ding-ding-ding, your brain goes wild with the physical brain chemistry that's going on, and you become addicted to it.

lifegoes It sounds like you're totally overthinking the texting situation with the guy on holiday. I could maybe understand it a bit more if you had met him and were invested but it seems to be a bit overboard analysing messages like this without meeting first!

I would say to take his lead, if you want to message him then message, there is no hard and fast rule and the double texting thing is just a stupid myth.Just be wary he's on holiday and may not reply instantly, other than that there's not much more you can do. Myself, I think I would have let him take the lead on this one, it sounds like he likes you anyway so let him do a bit of chasing and let for him to message you first!

Focus I agree that this doesn't sound like loclve bombing but it.does sound like there is something that is making you question things. Is ot different in a good way, or different uncomfortable

Morning All

Loved all the dating funnies from last night.

shitwith - Job well done with MrIndie then! Am curious about MrRugby. Feel free to share and we'll give our honest opinion on it.

rich - sounds like you've done some work on spotting love bombing!

I messaged MrWow a few days ago after wine oclock and told him I missed the sex, best ever, how are you etc. We had a bit of a catch up. Then randomly last night he sent the most sad message. He went on about hearing from me again had stirred up memories of the great times we had together. He felt sad that I was dating. He has zero confidence and doesn't think anyone would want him now. IF he was in a better place I would love to see him again (sigh).

In other news, MrRY is still messaging but no sign of another date. MrTights hasn't really stopped, lol. Got a couple of others that I haven't named yet. It really does help with not over investing tho.

warrior you're in my thoughts x

The funny dating stories have made me 😂😂😂 this morning. I seem only to have OMFG 😳😱 stories!! And most of them are very outing as I've told friends ...

shit well done for speaking to Mr Indie. I'm going to tell Mr Sailor this evening. We have never talked on the phone, and have hardly messaged between dates so it's going to be tricky. I didn't message much over the weekend, so see if he would, but he didn't 😕 The two other irons I have kept in contact (I was away) - not too much, but enough ...