Dating thread 149 - we live a life of oh wells not what if's

[lifegoes]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

When's the best time to go for a kiss with someone?
Other than at the end or beginning of a date?

OK, I see, lifegoes. He sounds very keen. I don't have any texting rules & I'm pretty sure that men don't either. Maybe he's updating on a similar thread to this? wondering whether to play it cool & not text....

Hi lifegoes. Regarding the txting,i would let him take the lead,try and just be cool and relaxed. I know it's hard! Have some backward and forewards txts and then you just say ' well,was great to catch up,hear from you soon' and leave it. I have a pet hate when i'm busy of when someone keeps txting a question,i find it quite controlling,but maybe that's just me!
Wait till he txts and just answer when you have a spare minute,no rush :)

lifegoes I think I’d leave it to him to come back now. By the sounds of things he is keen and he won’t want you to disappear.

unique what’s the context of the date? Most of my first kisses have been at the end of the date. Apart from with Mr London where we must have been a bit drunk as we were snogging in a pub.

Went to watch footy at mr garden gates house,it's so nice we can just be friends and hang out. No no irons for me and i'm leaving the apps for a bit. I've too much on with my kids(well,two are young adults but it doesn't get easier!)

lifegoes I would be bit annoyed to be abandoned in the middle of sexting. But it wouldn't be the end of the world.
I'd just either wait til he reappeared or give him a nudge a bit later.

unique1986 depends where you are. If you're out for a walk then it's easy to stop and kiss. But otherwise I'd probably just wait til the end of the date.

Mr Guitar has ruled himself out as a FWB. Despite having read my profile and agreed that's what he wants. He now says he basically just wants sex on tap. Come over, shag and leave whenever he feels the need.
So I said no thanks.

I thought FWB was about having a little bit more than just sex.

Is FWB just for men who can't commit? I've never done it so have no idea.
If I have an itch to scratch(which is hardly ever!) then I do DIY !

I'm trying to decide if I want to go for a coffee next week with a guy I've been chatting to but we don't know what each other looks like (face wise). We know what we look like from the neck down. Should be interesting.....

Kissing - I usually ask, but that might be a bit too forward?

Comedy. Ha ha knowing my luck he'll be on this one. I'd die with embarrassment if he was reading this thread 😂

User I hate that too, that's why I don't want to text either. Even though it feels like I should text, as he text last. But I would only be texting for the sake of texting.

Notcool I agree with you, he has always been keen and was a bit put off when he thought I had ghosted him and found someone else. So I would assume he wouldn't he do that to me.
He text last, but he's on holiday so can text when he wants now.

Myold I wasn't overly bothered, just a bit miffed. It's not stopped me wanting to see him. I'm just thinking if you want me come and get me

lifegoes - he's on holiday, having fun so I'd give him a break and not worry about the disappearing and he did apologise. If it were me I'd send a 'Hey, know your busy having fun. Look forward to hearing all about it when you're home'. That lets him know you ARE interested but are not expecting daily msgs.

I've got a dilemma. Today I went on a date with a lovely gentle, kind bloke. It was all going well, we went to an art gallery and then for a cup of tea. We started to chat about stuff and through some odd route we discovered that is very close friends with my ex husband's best friend (and was a joint friend when we were married). This friend was dragged into the breakup of my marriage and he knew that my ex was having an affair and as a result I cut all contact with the friend when I divorced. It then transpired that the date is also quite friendly with my ex, but says it's rare that he sees him. I was nearly sick when I heard this and found myself shaking which totally floored me, I hadn't thought about my ex in years and it's 10 years since the divorce.
The date is so nice and so unlike the usual shits I date but I can't move past the links to my ex.
I need to say "thanks but no thanks" don't I?

I don't think I'd want contact with anyone who was friends with my ex let alone date them but that might be just me

flaming - No, you don't! It's been 10 yrs, not months. It sounds like it shocked you. Give it a few days. He's a different person, he's not your Ex. If you liked the guy, give it a chance.

flaming judging by your reaction I'd say its a 'thanks but no thanks'.
No matter how nice this guy is, he'd be a constant reminder of your ex. Plenty more nice guys out there.

@ComedyBoobs, @TooOldForThis67 ,@Neverexpected2
I also think my reaction tells me I need to say no to a second date. I can't see how if it went anywhere that I would be able to avoid meeting date's friends and I don't want to have any contact with anyone this closely linked to my past. What a bummer.

Tooold oh I'm not giving him a hard time. My initial question was about texting and rules around it. Not what actually happened to a degree. We've spoken every day, but I don't want to keep texting when he's away but at the same time I don't want him to think I'm not interested as he did before

I'm just going to wait a few days.

shitwithsugaron I'm just looking for one FWB. Yes, I'm doing normal swiping as well but I get very little interest on OLD so a FWB would be just to scratch the itch while I look for Mr Right.
If I found Mr Right then I'd stop seeing FWB.

I had a FwB whilst I was dating Mr London. I was also swiping as Mr London wasn’t really looking like a good long term prospect.

flaming - it's sods law that he's the first decent bloke you've met tho!
lifegoes - I'd say if he's interested, he'll contact you but it works the same way round.

I've been messaging a new iron. Ticks all the boxes, similar outlook on life and he wants a relationship. However, he has one kink and that's tights! Lol. So he's now MrTights. I have no objection to them but never thought they were sexy. Who knew! I think I could accommodate that. Taking everything with a pinch of salt atm.

@TooOldForThis67
Who wears the tights, him or you?

Ha ha that's where lies my dilemma tooold I should text him as he text last. But don't want to bombard him with texts on holiday.

That was my question earlier

Last time I had proper FWBs they were just a couple of people I used to bump into regularly while I was out, and there was an assumption that if we met up near kicking out time, we went home together. No fuss. Pre OLD of course.