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Original poster

Called his bluff -I feel like a terrible person

222 replies

Meadow1203 · 26/02/2019 13:21

I hope you guys can help me make sense of this. So my p and I have been together for 3 years, we are in our 50's. It has always been a challenging relationship, troubles with his anger, terrible rages in the past. Things had calmed down over the last year and I hoped we were working towards the same goals. However things have become increasingly difficult over the past few weeks and finally came to head last night. The tiff started in the morning I am feeling very stressed due to money worries, serious family issues, health, trying to sell me house you name it. I was trying to work ( I work from home) and yes I was being a bit curt and wanted some space. Sadly my P will sees this as a rejection and all about him, it was not. He ended up screaming in my face slamming his fist on my desk, called me stupid bitch.He will often things like "unless you are prepared to behave or change then our relationship is over". Cue me not wanting to talk to him all day. To cut a long story short, in the evening I told him I had enough and I called his bluff. I am not a fruit cake and do not need to change and said we should end things. It did not go well, he managed to grab my phone and reading my messages out loud in a mocking voice, messages between the father of my son. He is insanely jealous, the messages we mainly about our son and general chit chat, we have been separated 5 years and good mates I am sorry to say that after repeatedly asking for the phone I finally saw red and tried to wrestle the it from him. He is now saying I attacked him, which I kind of did. For the record he is 6 4 and about 18 stone and he could bat me off like a fly. I just wish he could see how controlling and scary he can be. This feels so toxic. I have asked for my keys back and he has refused and asked me to be out of the house later when he removes his things. I have refused and asked my grown up DS to be here. This is my family house. He making me feel terrible as he has no money or anywhere to go. I asked him if we could be civilised but he is not interested. I am not looking forward to later. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/03/2019 16:56

He's just making himself look like a twat.

But yes, report it. Take a screenshot as suggested.

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 01/03/2019 17:17

Oh it is deleted and have changed it all details and password.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meadow1203 · 02/03/2019 11:18

He has turned out at my house saying he needs his passport. ( I had totally forgotten it was here) I said give me 20 mins, was in bed. But he wants it NOW, then started ringing constantly. He is freaking me out. posted it out of the cat flap. I have now texted him and said if he ever sets foot on my property again without arrangement, her will be arrested. I think I am in for a rough few weeks

OP posts:
saccade · 02/03/2019 11:21

Sorry to echo it but I too am very worried about both your short and longer-term safety.

Stealing your car, drenching you, being already known to the police, and this:

“Utter bastard, changed an FOF profile and put a horrible pic of me and inserted his details. What a scary loon.”

I think you should screenshot and contact the police (via 101) to begin amassing evidence so that you have a file for harassment, and not least for a restraining order which you may need. It may seem trivial but taken in the whole picture of the other abuse, I want you to have it all on record so if you need him officially hauled over the coals if he continues to overstep (his behaviour seems to be escalating), the file is open. Tell them everything - you don’t need them to contact him as yet, if that is what concerns you, but begin amassing your file now. Screenshot, and call 101 today, it’ll take a day or two for them to send someone round.

You must think of you and your kids now.

Please can you elaborate on why you need consider selling your house? He may have convinced you of something which may prove untrue under examination.

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 02/03/2019 11:31

I fully intend to talk with the police, they have records of all previous. More and more incidents keep popping up in my head, I truly cannot believe I did not see the light. I intend to find somewhere I can put his stuff that he has left here , then he will not have any reason to set foot here.
RE the house there was a previous debt that I agreed to pay on the sale of the house, I guess I need to go back to them and try an negotiate.

OP posts:
saccade · 02/03/2019 11:34

That’s great re police.

Previous debt - to him? I just want to be sure someone, whether it’s him or not him, is not manipulating you - if you don’t want to elaborate here, can you ask your best friend to be a sounding board, or pop over to here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 02/03/2019 11:55

No debt nothing to do with him, something I need to pay off from years ago.
Just talked with the police and they have logged it all and sending someone over when someone free.

OP posts:
saccade · 02/03/2019 11:59

Fantastic well done. Do seek advice on the money or legal boards - it won't hurt and more options may have opened up since you last received advice on it.

DawgLover · 02/03/2019 17:28

Can anyone tell me what a FOF profile is?

OP i strongly agree re. documenting and getting a copy of everything. Screenshot any messages, screenshot call history, note down any communications - you can then email them to a trusted friend so that should you need evidence of his behaviour you already have it.

Soverytiredofeverythinggoingon · 02/03/2019 20:45

I suspect she meant Plenty of Fish

DawgLover · 02/03/2019 21:13

Ah, thanks. I just couldn't figure that one out and google was useless!

dragonsfire · 02/03/2019 21:24

I think you would have a case for temporary restraining order - definitely speak to the police!

Well done for getting rid of the abusive prick!

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 03/03/2019 11:05

Morning lovely people, so police have been and taken a statement. Apparently because of the arrest last month my address is on alert anyway.

Oh yes meant POF sorry. Fat fingers

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 03/03/2019 11:11

"More and more incidents keep popping up in my head, I truly cannot believe I did not see the light."
Don't beat yourself up about that, it's perfectly normal human behaviour to see each incident as a separate discrete thing, with it's own unique reasons for having happened. Only when you have stepped back can you see them as related. the phrase "can't see the wood for the trees" exists because it holds true so very very often. ((hugs))

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 04/03/2019 10:28

I am sure it will take while to settle everything in my brain. Am feeling happy atm. Had a text from him yesterday saying he will be picking his stuff up. And If I changed certain things we could still have a relationship. Words fail me his arrogance knows no bounds.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/03/2019 11:10

And If I changed certain things we could still have a relationship.

Try changing your phone number. Seriously though, he's unbelievable...

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 04/03/2019 11:41

Green lol.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 05/03/2019 02:55

Well, you made one big, positive change and you got rid of the rose tinted glasses. Sadly (not!) that meant you had to ditch him as well.

And bloody good for you.

ErrmWTAF · 05/03/2019 04:18

Ha!

Dare we ask, what does he need you to change to keep his winning personality in your life?

penisbeakers · 05/03/2019 05:07

God what a weapons grade wanksock he is!

"The only changes I'll be making area number, and the locks to keep you out of my life. Do not contact me again."

🔔🔚

Talkingpoint88 · 05/03/2019 06:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 05/03/2019 12:57

He said I drink too much, which granted I probably do, he is fixated about this subject, said his ex wife was lunatic alcoholic, and several gf are the same including the poor lady who "accidently fell down the stairs and broke her leg" In the early days in our relationship he would claim I had done things when I had a drink, messing with my head.

I sent him a text last saying if me not drinking would he stop being him shouting and spitting in my face, hacking into my bank account, attacking my 18 year old son, stealing my car, hacking POF, hosing me down with water and still thinking it funny, smashing my stuff up, stealing my phone, I could go on. Have I ever done anything like that at any point no. His reply is I have a distorted view on things. The man is ill.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 05/03/2019 13:07

He’s definitely something, I’m not sure it’s ‘ill’.

Have you found somewhere to put his stuff yet?

What did the police say about a trespass/whatever order?

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 05/03/2019 13:23

He is picking hi stuff up next Saturday, I will ensure people are around. Police were great, they said because of the recent arrest, there was an alert on this address anyway. I am assuming the deleted message from Talkingpoint was probably him. Did anyone see it?

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 05/03/2019 13:27

One single peep out of him after Saturday and get straight onto the police.

Sorry, no, I missed that post.

If he is reading the thread st least he’ll know we all think he’s an unhinged waste of oxygen and that he’s got NO chance of you changing for him 🤣😂

I think most of us would ‘drink too much’ if we’d been living with the wankbadger.

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