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Original poster

Called his bluff -I feel like a terrible person

222 replies

Meadow1203 · 26/02/2019 13:21

I hope you guys can help me make sense of this. So my p and I have been together for 3 years, we are in our 50's. It has always been a challenging relationship, troubles with his anger, terrible rages in the past. Things had calmed down over the last year and I hoped we were working towards the same goals. However things have become increasingly difficult over the past few weeks and finally came to head last night. The tiff started in the morning I am feeling very stressed due to money worries, serious family issues, health, trying to sell me house you name it. I was trying to work ( I work from home) and yes I was being a bit curt and wanted some space. Sadly my P will sees this as a rejection and all about him, it was not. He ended up screaming in my face slamming his fist on my desk, called me stupid bitch.He will often things like "unless you are prepared to behave or change then our relationship is over". Cue me not wanting to talk to him all day. To cut a long story short, in the evening I told him I had enough and I called his bluff. I am not a fruit cake and do not need to change and said we should end things. It did not go well, he managed to grab my phone and reading my messages out loud in a mocking voice, messages between the father of my son. He is insanely jealous, the messages we mainly about our son and general chit chat, we have been separated 5 years and good mates I am sorry to say that after repeatedly asking for the phone I finally saw red and tried to wrestle the it from him. He is now saying I attacked him, which I kind of did. For the record he is 6 4 and about 18 stone and he could bat me off like a fly. I just wish he could see how controlling and scary he can be. This feels so toxic. I have asked for my keys back and he has refused and asked me to be out of the house later when he removes his things. I have refused and asked my grown up DS to be here. This is my family house. He making me feel terrible as he has no money or anywhere to go. I asked him if we could be civilised but he is not interested. I am not looking forward to later. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Jux · 26/02/2019 18:11

I hope your ds is with you soon. Keep safe. If he gets even slightly threatening, call 999. Keep that phone on you.

HappyLife21 · 26/02/2019 18:18

God he sounds awful, thank god you’ve asked him to leave.

Singlenotsingle · 26/02/2019 18:23

Keep the rage, don't start feeling guilty or sorry for him, and get rid. Pack his stuff, leave it out for him go collect, and make sure you've got someone with you when he comes. You might be able to get a policeman to come to the house to be there.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 26/02/2019 18:27

Change the locks
Bag his stuff up
Put outside
Text him to let him know his stuff is outside
If he kicks off, phone the police

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 26/02/2019 21:13

Thank you all for your thoughts. He has been back and collected his stuff. DS was here, no dramas as yet. I am hoping it will stay that way.

OP posts:
MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 26/02/2019 21:18

That must be a relief. How did he act with you?

Cambionome · 26/02/2019 21:34

Did you get your keys back?

If not, change the locks!

peekyboo · 26/02/2019 21:35

Change the locks even if you do get the keys back. They're easily copied.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/02/2019 21:36

Did you have the locks changed? Because he could have had a copy of the key made whilst he was out.

Daftapath · 26/02/2019 22:10

I would reiterate what other posters have said about changing the locks for any doors that he had keys for ASAP, whether or not he has returned the keys.

He will likely go away and lick his wounds for a while and then contact you, very contrite to try to talk you into getting back together. There may even be threats to harm himself if you don't comply and then the anger will start because he has lost control of you.

I'm so glad that he has gone but I doubt this will be the end of it unfortunately.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/02/2019 00:48

Dafta is right. He'll try to weasel back in. Block him on your phone and SM.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/02/2019 00:52

Another one strongly encouraging you to change the locks OP.

penisbeakers · 27/02/2019 01:25

I'd be throwing his stuff outside and setting fire to it personally.

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 27/02/2019 05:25

He did hand over the keys. I should have listened to the red flags. His ex wife and mother of his children accused him of domestic abuse and hates him with a passion, he said she is mentally ill. Another ex accused him of throwing her down the stairs and breaking her leg, he was arrested but released with no charge, I believed the story but now seeing how he behaved whilst under arrest he paints a great picture, again he said she was a alcoholic nut job, gf before me hated him with a passion. There is catalogue of things he has done over the years. We did split up about a year ago but he convinced me to give things another try and he promised to change and in fact did and things were good for a while but sadly he has slipped back into his old ways. Of course he has many good qualities but sadly the controlling insecure bully part of his personality keeps taking over. He I know will be angry with me and will be convincing anyone who listen that I am the lunatic and needs help, I actually feel sorry for him as he is the one that is in need of help but would never accept that. I am staying strong I have family and friends that will support me though I do feel rather foolish.

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/02/2019 05:30

Not foolish now. Safe. And that's enough for now. 💐

appointmentsaretheworst · 27/02/2019 05:57

Op I will still change the locks. How do you know he hasn't made copies? He's unhinged. I would also let the police know what's happened, he clearly has a record.

appointmentsaretheworst · 27/02/2019 05:58

*would

Buggeritimgettingup · 27/02/2019 06:00

Well done, im glad he went without drama, but id still change the locks, it's fishy he went calmly. Stay safe

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/02/2019 06:03

Well done for escaping from this man. You aren’t the first woman to fall for charms and bullshit.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 27/02/2019 06:04

Change the locks. This is vital. Bolt from the inside too when you are home.

Don't feel foolish. You have recognised his shortcomings and protected yourself. You are guilty of being too nice for too long is all.

slipperywhensparticus · 27/02/2019 06:11

Change the locks change the phone number don't let him weasel back in

Petalflowers · 27/02/2019 06:28

Thoughts - well done you on seeing the light and getting rid. Order yourself a nice takeaway, or box of magnums ( or another treat) to enjoy after he has gone.

nanny3 · 27/02/2019 06:31

yes change locks now pack his bags leave them outside and give him a time to come for them good for you i wish you well xxx

sheldonstwin · 27/02/2019 06:37

I wonder if this is really the end of him. Having been through similar, I just want to reiterate: change the locks. Keep all windows closed and locked if possible, too. Also, just be a bit vigilant when you're out and about, for a few weeks. Men like him don't take rejection very well.

Babygrey7 · 27/02/2019 06:52

Good news and well done

But please change those locks, please