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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Was I too mean?

204 replies

OtOmly · 23/02/2019 16:06

My partner and I went to my gym yesterday. We go to separate gyms but my gym
was having an open day so he came along. We were in the pool and a very attractive woman walked past in a small bikini. I see this woman regularly and often speak to her but I don’t know her well.

My DP’s eyes were hanging out but I pretended not to notice. Then he asked me about her. I explained that she was a gym regular. He then asked if she came alone and I told him she came with her boyfriend and pointed her boyfriend out to him.

Now the woman’s boyfriend is at least 15 years younger than her. My DP then seemed to lose his head completely and said he wasn’t sure if the man was her boyfriend.

I jokingly said ‘why don’t you go and ask him?’ My DP’s response was that he would go and ask the man ‘if he was smashing her and if not, could he have a go?’

I was completely aghast by this point and said the first thing to come into my head. I told him to do just that and I would have the younger boyfriend, as he might last longer in bed than my DP.

He isn’t speaking to me now and I wonder if I was too unkind to him.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 23/02/2019 16:07

So he can give it out but can't take it back?

ArkAtEee · 23/02/2019 16:08

Nope, that was very restrained considering how rude and disrespectful he was to both you and the woman.

NewStartNow · 23/02/2019 16:09

Nope. If he can't take it he shouldn't dish it out.

bigchris · 23/02/2019 16:10

Oh an awful conversation, does this often happen !

isseywithcats · 23/02/2019 16:10

no after saying that to you he deserved exactly what he got back, i wouldnt have been that nice to him

PinkHeart5914 · 23/02/2019 16:10

Well he basically said her over there I want to shag her to you so I think your comment was spot on.

It’s no worse than what he said 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wherearemymarbles · 23/02/2019 16:10

I would say that was a pretty good response!
I dont think there is anything wrong with noticing an attractive person but going on about it like a lust struck teenager is not on!

HollyBollyBooBoo · 23/02/2019 16:11

Eeewww he's vile. Does he normally talk about women like that?

Hellohappiness · 23/02/2019 16:11

What he said was awful and I don’t blame you for your retort.

ReaganSomerset · 23/02/2019 16:11

Nope, if he was joking he should be able to accept retaliation in kind. If he was being serious then you've got bigger problems.

fussygalore118 · 23/02/2019 16:11

Chris he sounds fucking awful.

Overtheborder · 23/02/2019 16:13

He wouldn't be my dp any more if he was looking for someone to "smash"....

CuriousaboutSamphire · 23/02/2019 16:14

Good job he isn't your DH... you can get rid of him more easily.

What kind of man say such shit out loud, let alone to his OH?

Sorry OP, your DP is gross!

notanothernam · 23/02/2019 16:15

Haha no I think that was the perfect response.

user1483387154 · 23/02/2019 16:15

He doesn't seem to respect you

Stuckandsad · 23/02/2019 16:17

😂I'm sure it would have been the best two seconds of her life. What a twat.

category12 · 23/02/2019 16:18

Grim

kbPOW · 23/02/2019 16:19

I think you showed remarkable restraint.

Crabbyandproudofit · 23/02/2019 16:19

Kudos to you for the fast comeback! I always think of the clever response hours later.

Maybe you could have a conversation in a while about how his made you both feel. Presumably he thinks it was just 'banter' but your comment was below the belt? (Pun intended) Do you often have rows/conversations like this? If you haven't called him out before on this kind of disrespect he may think it's OK (It's not)

angieloumc · 23/02/2019 16:22

He's vile. He'd be my ex if he said 'smashing' about someone, me or otherwise.

Whocansay · 23/02/2019 16:22

There is so much wrong with what your 'partner' said, I don't know where to start.

But you can do better than this sexist dickhead, surely? He makes Benny Hill look like a gentleman.

libellule1 · 23/02/2019 16:23

That made me laugh. No I wouldn't worry about being too mean, it got a bit personal but he deserved it.

JoyceDivision · 23/02/2019 16:28

Christ get shut!

Greystar · 23/02/2019 16:34

I'd ignore him right back... forever.

leigh39 · 23/02/2019 16:39

No a lot of women would of been worst ... he deserved to be shut down