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Original poster

Was I too mean?

204 replies

OtOmly · 23/02/2019 16:06

My partner and I went to my gym yesterday. We go to separate gyms but my gym
was having an open day so he came along. We were in the pool and a very attractive woman walked past in a small bikini. I see this woman regularly and often speak to her but I don’t know her well.

My DP’s eyes were hanging out but I pretended not to notice. Then he asked me about her. I explained that she was a gym regular. He then asked if she came alone and I told him she came with her boyfriend and pointed her boyfriend out to him.

Now the woman’s boyfriend is at least 15 years younger than her. My DP then seemed to lose his head completely and said he wasn’t sure if the man was her boyfriend.

I jokingly said ‘why don’t you go and ask him?’ My DP’s response was that he would go and ask the man ‘if he was smashing her and if not, could he have a go?’

I was completely aghast by this point and said the first thing to come into my head. I told him to do just that and I would have the younger boyfriend, as he might last longer in bed than my DP.

He isn’t speaking to me now and I wonder if I was too unkind to him.

OP posts:
Cwenthryth · 23/02/2019 19:48

I know people who use the term smash (including women).

I know that in some circles it might be common and people will use it without thinking, just a slang term for sex - but once someone points out the imagery of violence and lack of consent, one-sided action it conjures, most fair-minded people will step back from it and assess their vocabulary.

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/02/2019 19:49

And no you weren't too mean....Please sack off this two pump chump and find someone who can behave with a bit of class.

EvaHarknessRose · 23/02/2019 19:50

Vile

Littlefrog99 · 23/02/2019 19:50

"I want a man who doesn’t openly express a desire for other women in front of me."

Find another man OP, very few men are actually as disgusting as that. He isn't even apologetic about it! Only one man I ever dated did something like that and the first time he did it was the last time. If he can say things like that to you just imagine what he'd do if you weren't there.

Beachbooty · 23/02/2019 19:52

Great response OP. What a twat. Bin him off you can do better.

Beachbooty · 23/02/2019 19:52

Absolutely what @closetbeanmuncher said ten times over

CouldntThink · 23/02/2019 19:57

Where is this relationship going? Is he really the best you can do?

PositiveVibez · 23/02/2019 20:00

Urgh he sounds absolutely repulsive.

The way he spoke about that woman was disgusting.

What are you doing with him. His attitude towards women is appaling.

JFDIJFDIJFDI · 23/02/2019 20:04

He’s gross, your retort was brilliant.

grincheux · 23/02/2019 20:07

That would really have upset me. I think I might have snapped and said something nastier (then instantly regretted it). Sounds like he needs t9 get out the kitchen if he can't take your heat Wink Playing devil's advocate though, if his "performance" is something he's self conscious about, that's another conversation he needs to have with you so you can work on it together.

Original poster
OtOmly · 23/02/2019 20:11

Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with how long he lasts in bed and I have never had any inkling that this is something he worries about.

OP posts:
Original poster
OtOmly · 23/02/2019 20:14

I think we need to have a discussion at some point to see what all this is about.

I sometimes wonder if he deliberately does it to make me feel small.

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 23/02/2019 20:19

A discussion to see what it is all about?!

Your standards are extremely low. Do you have self-esteem issues? Angry or alcoholic parent perhaps?

Why are you so desperate to hang on to a man who is horrible to you? I don't get it at all. What makes him worth it?

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/02/2019 20:21

Really I don't see what there is to discuss here....

It wouldn't matter to me if he looked like a make model, lasted for hours and had a huge cock. His behaviour is extremely creepy and predetory.

Why do you think he would ask if she goes there alone???

jelliebelly · 23/02/2019 20:22

Op yes u really must have low standards if all you're bothered about is upsetting him with your retort. The whole scenario frankly makes my skin crawl.

toach · 23/02/2019 20:22

A man saying such a thing to me is unthinkable, I simply can't get my head around it at all.

Insomnibrat · 23/02/2019 20:22

Imagine what he thinks and says when you're NOT around.

His mask slipped.

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/02/2019 20:23

Stop wondering op. He's doing it to make you feel small. To make you feel that you need to pander to him or he'll be off to the 'attractive' woman he's oogling after. To make you feel that you're lucky to have him when there is so much totty out there he could be smashing.

He's doing it because he is a creepy bastard who considers woman, including you, as only sexual objects who are there to entertain him.

Original poster
OtOmly · 23/02/2019 20:23

I do have self esteem issues and a narcissistic parent.

I’m not desperate to hang onto him really. I enjoy his company a lot of the time and if I’m honest, I feel a bit sorry for him. However, if he can’t offer me any rational explanation for his behaviour, then I can’t really see any future:

OP posts:
whitehorsesdonotlie · 23/02/2019 20:23

'smashing her'???? Shock

What makes him think she'd be interested in him?!

Jesus.

YANBU at all and he's being a big baby. He can dish it out - being stunningly disrespectful to you and her - but he can't take it? Nice.

Nancydrawn · 23/02/2019 20:25

Feeling sorry for a person is a pretty shitty reason to be in a relationship with them. It's certainly not an excuse for repeated misogynistic taunts.

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/02/2019 20:26

I can only imagine how thrilled bikini woman would be to discover some random creepy bloke thought about her sexually and that he was thinking he had a chance of smashing her while she went around her gym like a normal person. Yuchy!!

Closetbeanmuncher · 23/02/2019 20:26

I second @TowelNumber42

Seen this all before....I suspect any "issues" are probably down to years of being ground down by this cunts antics.

Merryoldgoat · 23/02/2019 20:30

I’m at a loss as to why you’d stay with a man like him.

MadeForThis · 23/02/2019 20:30

Speaking like that to his mates would be disgusting. To speak like that to you is beyond disrespectful. Is he trying to make you feel inferior?

Your reply was tame.

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