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Original poster

Was I too mean?

204 replies

OtOmly · 23/02/2019 16:06

My partner and I went to my gym yesterday. We go to separate gyms but my gym
was having an open day so he came along. We were in the pool and a very attractive woman walked past in a small bikini. I see this woman regularly and often speak to her but I don’t know her well.

My DP’s eyes were hanging out but I pretended not to notice. Then he asked me about her. I explained that she was a gym regular. He then asked if she came alone and I told him she came with her boyfriend and pointed her boyfriend out to him.

Now the woman’s boyfriend is at least 15 years younger than her. My DP then seemed to lose his head completely and said he wasn’t sure if the man was her boyfriend.

I jokingly said ‘why don’t you go and ask him?’ My DP’s response was that he would go and ask the man ‘if he was smashing her and if not, could he have a go?’

I was completely aghast by this point and said the first thing to come into my head. I told him to do just that and I would have the younger boyfriend, as he might last longer in bed than my DP.

He isn’t speaking to me now and I wonder if I was too unkind to him.

OP posts:
Luckingfovely · 23/02/2019 16:43

He absolutely deserved it!

cordeliavorkosigan · 23/02/2019 16:44

Not your finest moment I imagine but you made a quick in kind comeback. The casual sexism (women are men's property and available for sex) and rapey flavour (smash, imagining he gives the permission and her opinion is irrelevant) to me reveals that your bf is so, so not partner material. I'd get rid. Unless he seriously, seriously sees how fucked up that is on how many levels and shapes up all his thinking... Unlikely.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 23/02/2019 16:47

Your response was restrained

His behaviour was outrageous and in your shoes I’d be considering my options rather than if you were “too mean”

LuckyLou7 · 23/02/2019 16:48

He's a repulsive misogynistic cunt.

HTH

userxx · 23/02/2019 16:48

Wow! The whole conversation was wrong but he started it by being a sleazy bastard. Is he always such a twat?

justthecat · 23/02/2019 16:54

If my dh said something like that he’d become single very quickly, he sounds awful

OddBodsAndGladRags · 23/02/2019 16:54

"Smashing her"

Urghhhhhh. I am.feeling sick at that sort of language.

Original poster
OtOmly · 23/02/2019 16:55

That’s what I said to him that if he can’t take it then he shouldn’t dish it out.

However, I feel bad for two reasons. Firstly that I upset him and secondly that I behaved as badly as he did. I said something which doesn’t reflect my thinking in order to hurt his feelings.

OP posts:
userxx · 23/02/2019 17:05

Does he feel bad for upsetting you after ogling the woman and talking about "smashingly" her 🤢. Hmmmm, thought not.

Musti · 23/02/2019 17:10

I would ditch the wanker. How bloody disrespectful! If I were ever to have sex with him again, I'd close my eyes and tell him that I'm imagining it's that young guy. Seriously, ditch him.

Kunkka · 23/02/2019 17:11
  1. He should have been more careful if he can't handle a response. He was the one who started it with his disgusting comment.
  2. Your response was disgusting too. I guess you already know that...

Says much about you both

bloodywhitecat · 23/02/2019 17:18

He doesn't have much respect for anyone does he.

Hellohappiness · 23/02/2019 17:18

I couldn’t be with someone who said he would have a go at ‘smashing’ a woman. What a vile attitude he has .

Hellohappiness · 23/02/2019 17:19

Is he worried he has upset you?

BartonHollow · 23/02/2019 17:19

This would be in the category of "deal breaker" for me and potentially the beginning of the end

Wakk · 23/02/2019 17:21

You feel bad after this because of what you said? Ok then.

BartonHollow · 23/02/2019 17:22

Sorry what HE said would be not what YOU said

flameycakes · 23/02/2019 17:32

He is a crass prick who deserves upsetting, seriously why would you entertain a man like that at all?

Original poster
OtOmly · 23/02/2019 17:34

I do feel bad. He isn’t bothered about hurting my feelings though clearly.

He has form for staring at other women in front of me but to be fair he’s been much better lately.

However, he just can’t seem to help himself.

OP posts:
userxx · 23/02/2019 17:39

Have a word with yourself OP.

CantStopMeNow · 23/02/2019 17:39

Next he'll be changing gyms.......

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 23/02/2019 17:40

"he's been much better lately" ....have you no standards?

Is being with this neanderthal openly talking about smashing a random woman to you really all you think you deserve???

Original poster
OtOmly · 23/02/2019 17:40

userxx fair enough. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
OtOmly · 23/02/2019 17:41

He won’t change gyms as mine is more expensive than his and he is a very big cheapskate.

However, it is making me think how he might behave at his own gym.

OP posts:
Hellohappiness · 23/02/2019 17:43

What does it say about the type of person he is and his attitude to women if he thinks it’s ok to talk about smashing women? He doesn’t even have the shame to hide it. He is telling you directly.