Was I too mean?

[OtOmly]

My partner and I went to my gym yesterday. We go to separate gyms but my gym
was having an open day so he came along. We were in the pool and a very attractive woman walked past in a small bikini. I see this woman regularly and often speak to her but I don’t know her well.

My DP’s eyes were hanging out but I pretended not to notice. Then he asked me about her. I explained that she was a gym regular. He then asked if she came alone and I told him she came with her boyfriend and pointed her boyfriend out to him.

Now the woman’s boyfriend is at least 15 years younger than her. My DP then seemed to lose his head completely and said he wasn’t sure if the man was her boyfriend.

I jokingly said ‘why don’t you go and ask him?’ My DP’s response was that he would go and ask the man ‘if he was smashing her and if not, could he have a go?’

I was completely aghast by this point and said the first thing to come into my head. I told him to do just that and I would have the younger boyfriend, as he might last longer in bed than my DP.

He isn’t speaking to me now and I wonder if I was too unkind to him.

He says that all men look at other women and that he doesn’t even know he’s doing it

Right, so to legitimise his sleazy ogglings, he fobs you off, that "all men do that".

That's a hallmark of abuse if ever I saw one, telling you despite your instincts crying out that his behaviour is vile, you've got to put up with it because every other man is the same.

Kick his sorry arse out and get on with your life, don't waste any more time on him, it won't get any better believe me,

Firstly... YWDNBU

Secondly... I am so impressed with your sassy response!!! I probably would have thought of that at four o’clock in the morning after seething for days! Good work!

Thirdly.... how you didn’t punch him in the balls for his misogynistic bullshit, I don’t know!

The rule of thumb I use is this....

Seeing someone attractive is fine, appreciating their beauty is fine. Looking if they are in your line of view fine.

Turning your head to get another look, repeatedly looking,making comments is blatent disrespect and quite frankly embarrassing.

What your other half does is on another level entirely.....You've been brainwashed into thinking this is normal or acceptable behaviour as have many other women.

I wish we would all stop accepting this so evolution can take it's course. There are some truly wonderful men (and women) in this world op, so please start expecting more for yourself.

Comebacks are great and all, but it still doesn't change the fact that your boyfriend has the intellectual capacity of a single called organism.

Get that bar raised ASAP and give him his rightful place.....Alone, with only his right hand for company.

closetbeanmumcher I would agree with your rule of thumb but I guess my boundaries have been eroded.

Have just ditched him by text message.

Well done, you deserve far better. He’s a cocknostril.

Well done op
Good decision

👍

LuckyLou

good for you OP

Good for you, he has no respect for you x

Well done OP!!

You'll find a decent one soon! Just don't lower your standards... ever.

Intrigued as to what his response will be though 🤔😂😂

Ugh! He doesn't appear to have much going for him. Maybe being with him is a habit you should break.

Well done, OP.

You were far from too mean. I thought your response was bang on.

Your ex is nothing but a sleaze.

Yay! Well done you!

"Loads of people have hard childhoods and do no behave like total dicks" oh this made me laugh!

I've had 2 occasions where people have tried to use how "tough" they had it without knowing me well enough to claim they had it tougher than me they assumed.

The 1st time was in real life where I had complained about a work colleague who was seriously slacking and leaving everyone else to do their work. They made the mistake of assuming I'd had an easy going childhood, actually using the phrase "charmed life" - unfortunately for them the boss concerned KNEW about my childhood because they knew my family well. (Alcoholic dad, enabling mum, lots of violence and abuse. I'd known her when younger she'd babysat us and she had sussed some of it but when we ended up working together I was at that point nc with my parents and she asked me why and as I felt comfortable with her I told her it was because I was getting my head round the csa that had happened after her family had moved away). The lazy colleagues tale of woe? That she'd been brought up in a council house and her mum had to go into hospital with appendicitis on her birthday - that was it! Boss basically let her prattle on and then called me in. Asked if I was willing to briefly, roughly describe my childhood, I didn't even include the csa "just" the addiction, violence, poverty (caused by the addiction), tiptoeing on eggshells when dad around, no support for the normal stuff like education or friendship fallouts... Colleague stfu then!

The 2nd was on here! Which a simple AS would have prevented the poster from making the error! On a thread where op was trying to save money I forget why, and I was saying a lot of things on OP'S expenditure were luxuries. Anyway a pp took right against me and steamed into me saying things like "what would you know?" "Bet you've never gone without in your life" "stuck up mc snob" was the one that surprised me the most! etc that I was being too harsh. I was asleep when it all kicked off and an mn "friend" saw the pps post and gave them what for! They knew my history not only from the public posts )some of which she quoted as examples) but also private conversations (which they didn't divulge) and knew that the pp was so far from right it was laughable! They Iirc tried to claim they knew what it was like to have it tough because they were in a low paid (but not nmw) job and werenet even eligible for benefits. Basically that pp got their arse handed to them and I knew nothing till it was all done and dusted.

Anyway my point is I agree. It's just excuses. No decent man I know of any age would behave like this. Dd sadly tells me some of the younger ones can be twattish like this but I'm hopeful she and her friends can rub their corners off over time - though I wonder how the hell they were brought up!

I'm with the pp that says that evolution needs to be enforced! The sooner women stop sleeping (and getting pregnant by) disrespectful twats the sooner they'll die out.

Ooh, what did he say??

😂😂 don't give it if you can't take it sunshine

Ooo

@Graphista

I've had the same throughout my life.

Assumptions made about me based on prejudices about my family or based on the street I grew up in with no idea about our actual disposable income or what went on behind closed doors

And then

Assumptions are constantly made that though I'm not well off my well off relations must obviously help me out - they've never given me a penny and I've never asked

Thank you everyone. Especially graphista for your raw honesty.

He text back saying that he didn’t understand why I was acting like this and we should talk after my time of the month was over.

I’m not going to reply

*we should talk after my time of the month was over.

I’m not going to reply*

Good. But how on earth did you tolerate this patronising twat for a "number of years"?

He's awful!

Touché, good answer.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that old fucking chestnut....

rolls up sleeves Tell the prick that reaction is precisely the reason it's ending. A lack of respect and quite clearly a lack of intelligence. What idiot responds with that?!

What a cunt!

He was being an absolute dickhead but he can't take the shit back?

Fuck that. He's a wuss.

Barton people are assumptive twats! They need to remember that quote

Assume makes an ass out of u and me!

I try never to assume because I've had so many people do it with me.

I've also now got an invisible disability as does dd so experienced assumptions on that score too.

Mate, he's awful. A total misogynistic prick. You're well rid

Thank you everyone. Especially graphista for your raw honesty. 😂😂😂

Thanks - it's not always appreciated but it always comes from a good place. Despite what some may think

"and we should talk after my time of the month was over." What the fuck?! What an ignorant, pathetic, thick fuckwit!

A how old is he?
B does he think it's the bloody 70's? That's the kinda crap the likes of Jim Davidson and Bernard manning came out with!!

I think you're right not to reply though it's very tempting to say "actually I'm ovulating and I STILL don't fancy you"