Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Was I too mean?

204 replies

OtOmly · 23/02/2019 16:06

My partner and I went to my gym yesterday. We go to separate gyms but my gym
was having an open day so he came along. We were in the pool and a very attractive woman walked past in a small bikini. I see this woman regularly and often speak to her but I don’t know her well.

My DP’s eyes were hanging out but I pretended not to notice. Then he asked me about her. I explained that she was a gym regular. He then asked if she came alone and I told him she came with her boyfriend and pointed her boyfriend out to him.

Now the woman’s boyfriend is at least 15 years younger than her. My DP then seemed to lose his head completely and said he wasn’t sure if the man was her boyfriend.

I jokingly said ‘why don’t you go and ask him?’ My DP’s response was that he would go and ask the man ‘if he was smashing her and if not, could he have a go?’

I was completely aghast by this point and said the first thing to come into my head. I told him to do just that and I would have the younger boyfriend, as he might last longer in bed than my DP.

He isn’t speaking to me now and I wonder if I was too unkind to him.

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 24/02/2019 21:37

I think you're right not to reply. What a weasel.

category12 · 24/02/2019 21:42

Srsly? Surely you're making it up. Can't believe a bloke like that exists.

Stormy76 · 24/02/2019 21:44

He sounds like a complete prick, no that is not normal, if my DH did that I would have thrown him out. It’s extremely disrespectful and disgusting. Don’t back down, don’t contact him you are better off without a loser like that

humpydumpybumpy · 24/02/2019 21:48

Well done for walking away OP, he is worthless and you deserve so so much more! Nope not all men are like this and you will find one who treats you with respect. Draw your line in concrete (not sand) and never budge it. Anytime someone crosses it, off they pop. I did this after an abusive relationship and it was astonishing how strong it made me. I refused to settle. I've now been with my lovely DH for 30 years. Stick to your guns and that will be you tooFlowers

humpydumpybumpy · 24/02/2019 21:56

Oh and if he contacts you (or you run into him), and he tried to gaslight you, just go (I think it's called grey rock) politely chilly and um hum everything he says in a Mr's Brown's 'that's nice' manner. Do not engage at all. With my ex when he would rant or try to be charming I would just answer this way, and then when he finally wound down, I would say, 'Are you done? Ok, bye' or just, 'Bye' and walk away/hang up. They often are looking for a response whether it be negative or positive because it shows them that they can still control your emotions, so give them none. Good luck!

Sorry this is a bit of an essayBlush, just wishing you the best.

ErrmWTAF · 24/02/2019 22:25

I agree with closetbeanmuncher but, typical of me, I lower the tone in my wording.

Ogling is like farting. We all do it, but in a civilised society, one does it discretely as possible, and certainly never calls attention to it.

Well done, OP. Don't even bother replying to him. Just keep that message to look at if you're ever wavering. And thank your lucky stars he sent it and confirmed how right you are to ditch him.

MissLadyM · 24/02/2019 22:29

What a fucking twat! 'Smashing it'?! Grotesque. I wouldn't forgive this

Ella2103 · 25/02/2019 00:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

justilou1 · 25/02/2019 01:33

HE FUCKING SAID WHAT???? Oh my god! Well done!!! Thank you... NEXT!!!!

thequeenoftarts · 25/02/2019 01:43

Go have a wank Ella2103 ffs

thequeenoftarts · 25/02/2019 01:46

OtOmly go you, give yourself a very big pat on the back for not tolerating the scummy creep that is your ex.
Jesus, really, how disrespectful he was to both of you ladies, well done on your fast reply.
The saying if you cant take it, then don't dish it springs to mind.
How bloody dare he!!!!

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 02:21

What a sad post..dp wants to smash someone you know,and OP is worried shes upset him

He's so sensitive you could hit him with a brick and he'd not notice!

I'm so sorry you are so scared of upsetting someone who's such an utter prick OP.

He is literally treating you like shit. Oh my, what a catch! Not!

How upsetting that men are still treating women like this, mysogyny is alive and kicking,more proof.

Despite what you think OP, you deserve better. I wouldn't wish him on your worst enemy,things will just get worse and I really hope you're not there for that bit. Flowers

snitzelvoncrumb · 25/02/2019 03:32

I think you are fantastic!!!! What a great response!!

sparkling123 · 25/02/2019 04:08

I'm sorry OP, you're worth more than this and your bf clearly doesn't appreciate what he's got. For me it would be a nail in the coffin. And if my partner had said anything like that I would have said a lot worse and not felt any guilt about it.
He is the one who should be feeling guilty and apologising to you for his horrible comment, but no, he's a man baby who is trying to make you feel bad for his awful behaviour.
Run before you waste any more time on this guy, he will only drag you down.

sparkling123 · 25/02/2019 04:14

Just read update that you sent him packing, well done 👍

Smotheroffive · 25/02/2019 04:24

Hooray!!!

Gobsmacked schmuck... Ha! Go you!!

pissedonatrain · 25/02/2019 06:08

You're my heroine! Well done for shutting him down after his vile behaviour and then telling him to feck off for good.

So many many time you read on here how women have been told the most terrible things by their DP and they are just someone supposed to take it but if the DP is doing/saying the most heinous things, they tiptoe around trying to figure out how to talk to them without upsetting them.

Your ex twat got exactly what he deserved!

Original poster
OtOmly · 25/02/2019 07:14

Nope category12 I wish I was making this up.

He thinks all women are crazy. He actually has said to me even the ‘entry level woman’ starts at a 5/10.

I am a 9/10 in the craziness stakes apparently. Probably because it has taken him years to grind me down and I’ve resisted quite a bit.

I feel relief this morning. Proper happy relief. I’m sure sadness will kick in but it tells me I’ve made the right decision. As reading back my posts, he is awful.

OP posts:
importantkath · 25/02/2019 07:33

@OtOmly wow. He's a catch, isn't he?

Well done. Block him everywhere and move on. You deserve so much better. X

BricksInTheWall · 25/02/2019 07:42

I'm not even sure if in a weeks time I would be too mature to text him "I was right, lasted fucking miles longer!" and reblock 😂

Well done OP, what a disgusting pig he is. I hope you find someone who makes you feel like the only other person in the room ⚘

Qcumber · 25/02/2019 07:59

Just caught up and so so glad to see you've dumped him!
Please when you do start to feel sad, remember This feeling of relief and remember that you made the right decision. Also (not sure if someone already said this) I noticed you said you enjoy his company: you would not enjoy it if you lived with him. Imagine having him there 24/7 to destroy your confidence and self esteem. He would do nothing to contribute to running the home. His attitude to women shows he would see the housework as solely your job. And then it would be so much harder to leave.
Stay strong and good luck for the future. Spend some time finding yourself again and when the time is right you'll find someone who treats you the way you deserve.

justilou1 · 25/02/2019 08:05

Well done, you!!! You probably feel like you have been let out of jail!!! So proud of you!!! Sanest thing you ever did!!!

category12 · 25/02/2019 08:15

Well, well done for dumping him.

When the dust has settled a bit, you might want to take some time to think about why you entered a relationship with a complete misogynistic prick, and why you stayed in it so long, so you raise the bar for future partners.

Costacoffeeplease · 25/02/2019 08:22

Where on earth did you find a twat like that?

Thank your lucky stars you’ve ditched him now

Jaxinthebox · 25/02/2019 18:17

@costacoffeeplease - turns out there are many, many twats like OP's ex around these days. Sad, but true!

Swipe left for the next trending thread