Was I too mean?

[OtOmly]

My partner and I went to my gym yesterday. We go to separate gyms but my gym
was having an open day so he came along. We were in the pool and a very attractive woman walked past in a small bikini. I see this woman regularly and often speak to her but I don’t know her well.

My DP’s eyes were hanging out but I pretended not to notice. Then he asked me about her. I explained that she was a gym regular. He then asked if she came alone and I told him she came with her boyfriend and pointed her boyfriend out to him.

Now the woman’s boyfriend is at least 15 years younger than her. My DP then seemed to lose his head completely and said he wasn’t sure if the man was her boyfriend.

I jokingly said ‘why don’t you go and ask him?’ My DP’s response was that he would go and ask the man ‘if he was smashing her and if not, could he have a go?’

I was completely aghast by this point and said the first thing to come into my head. I told him to do just that and I would have the younger boyfriend, as he might last longer in bed than my DP.

He isn’t speaking to me now and I wonder if I was too unkind to him.

So he’s a creep and he’s cheap!? What nice qualities does he actually have?

He seems to have an awful attitude towards women.

...sexist, rude, sulky and tight!

truly a Prince among men.

He isn't speaking to you!
Are you serious?
You did nothing wrong.
In fact if this were me id be repeating what you said just to let this vile piece of shit know how it feels.
Great come back.
How dare he act like that.
Get rid of him.
He is awful.

Of course he can 'help himself'. If he has been much better recently that is because he knows it upsets you and has modified his behaviour. If you put up with disrespect that is what he will give you because he is lazy and rude. You were harsh to him, because you challenged him in a very personal way, but now he knows how it feels. Is he concerned about his language and attitude or just what you said?

Oh a misogynistic delight, what on EARTH do you see in him?

what a prick, ditch him!

Is he 18. I know more mature 18 year olds. He needs to grow the fuck up.

You chose him, and want to keep him?! What the actual fuck? Why is your bar on the floor? He sounds utterly vile.

Its the kind of language / behaviour you’d assume he would use with his mates at the pub.. you know that dreaded lad banter not at a gym with his DP!

Nice comeback though OP, he deserved it!

What an absolutely disgraceful and disrespectful comment from your OH - if he talks to you like that how on earth does he talk or act when you're not around?

Lets be clear - his behaviour was extremely uncouth, offensive and unacceptable so it was totally fair enough for you to shut him down. So yes you were rude and it was for a good reason!!!!!!!!!

The issue is that he is now sulking so he obviously doesnt understand how bad that actually was, and secondly - you are doubting yourself.

He sounds very immature.

Mean? You've been too kind! You still freaking are saying how you feel bad and you hurt his poor little feelings.
I bet he isn't giving two shits about how you feel or feeling bad at the way he behaved. He definitely lasted too long...in the relationship.

Arrogant,spoilt,little prick!

Horrible, like he’s asking the blokes permission, but not the woman in question.

He’s a twat!

Dear fucking god, if he is like this when you are together I would put money on him being utterly disgusting when he's on his own or out with mates. If my daughter ended up with a wanker like this I would be beside myself.
Come on, op, this guy is a fucking joke.

This whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, openly leching on another woman, then his comments about wanting to 'smash' her, let alone the permission being with another man and his reaction to you responding in kind. He sounds about 13!

Thanks everyone. You’re making me feel a bit better about how I snapped.

Oh the irony of him being offended by YOUR comment.

You know, some men are just such selfish, entitled shits aren't they? It really makes me angry.

He sounds revolting and whilst you said something a tiny bit spiteful I can't condemn you for that OP! He needs to stop being so disrespectful (to you and random women) and you probably need to kick him into touch if he doesn't learn how to behave!

You shouldn't be feeling better,you should feel fucking angry.

He was being an utter knob, and he deserved to get a knobbish comment back.

Is he usually that disrespectful and gross? I couldn't live with that.

Making you feel better about how you snapped?

Get a grip. Find some self respect.

He has no love for you if he's eyeing up other women right in front of you!

Do you live with him?

Feel better after you snapped?

Could you just acknowledge you read any of the responses?

Cos that comment suggests you have somehow managed to filter out most of them!!!!

Wowza OP, your standards seem to be subterranean. Of course he can bloody help himself, he just believes that he is entitled to behave and talk like this. If my DP used anything like this kind of language about women I’d be having some serious discussions about respect and how he’d lost mine completely. I couldn’t see a future with someone who casually referred to women as property of men to be ‘smashed’ (violent, rapey language) and couldn’t see how offensive that was. That’s beside the point that he was expressing sexual interest in another woman to you? And enquiring as to her relationship status? Even without the revolting language that is just not on in most committed relationships.

Stop blaming yourself - it is more than ok to be offended by his disgusting attitude.

We don’t live together.

He says that all men look at other women and that he doesn’t even know he’s doing it.

Apparently one of his ex girlfriends told him off one day because he was staring at some mannequins in a shop window as they had a short skirt on.