Dating Thread 148 - Having a Fab Time!

[TooOldForThis67]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

He’s early 40’s, he has been married but for a short time (not sure exactly how long), he doesn’t have children and doesn’t want any. He has given reasons why some of the relationships ended but like any man the reasons are usually because of something the woman had done. He doesn’t make out he’s amazing and does recognise that he has flaws, I like the fact he tells things as they are and seems pretty open, we do have similar personalities but maybe too similar. I’m not looking for a husband, I don’t want someone who’s around all the time but I also don’t want someone who disappears if I say something he doesn’t like.

When I had counselling after me and my ex split she said that when OLD and a guy says him and his ex split because she was controlling, jealous, possessive or insecure to get out. I've used that with OLD consistently. I'm not saying that's MrSA at all as I'm obviously not there for your conversations. I would be overly cautious though even on a casual basis as my worry is he will make you doubt yourself and always be worried if you've said 'too much' as it were.

@supercali77 really need to read that book as that's me sally over. I totally change when they "win me over" does it help?

@Meadow1203 Welcome I would def agree with the ex Narc

@Lovemusic33 I would have concerns over both relationship and work commitments. Both seem he bails quite easily.

He hasn’t said that they were controlling, jealous or insecure. He said that he’s not an argumentative person and one tried to start a argument over something really silly so he left. Another he didn’t like her lif style (won’t go into detail), another wasn’t very intelligent and couldn’t hold down a good conversation....all things like this.

*all over. Not sally over. 🤷🏻‍♀️

One started an argument over something silly so he left? He would struggle with me 🙈😂😂. Are you still OLD or have you agreed to exclusivity? Apologies if you've already said this previously.

I missed the book recommendation? What was it? I appear to also do this.

@Love
I think when you next meet you shouldn't invite him round your house.
Then see if He is cool with that.

Miracle I think it's why men love bitches. By bitch,

He has suggested going out for the day somewhere but because we only seem to see each other once a week (or even once every 2 weeks) we usually end up in bed. He now seems quite focused on the sex, we did go out for lunch after sex and he kept holding my hand and saying nice things, he talks as though we are a couple but I’m not sure if we really are. I will see how this week goes, as now he’s not working he will probably be about a bit more, if it ends up just being about sex I will soon get bored.

@Lovemusic33 if he's the kind of guy who leaves over a silly argument will you always be watching what you say in case he leaves. If you are happy for a FB until someone who's relationship material comes along great if not I'd be questioning meeting him again

@lifegoes it's got excellent reviews on Amazon. Might have to give it a go! I'm great at the start of a relationship with being a 'bitch' but as soon as I fall for them it goes out of the window 🤷.

Chocolate maybe I should test him by being a little bit argumentative? 😁 I am quite opinionated and I haven’t been al nice with him, I don’t always agree with what he says and I can be a bit of a bitch so it’s possibly just a matter of time before I see if he’s likely to do a runner when things don’t go his way.

@Lovemusic33 good idea

Miracle that's me too. I think I give off this vibe that I'm a challenge to be conquered. But then I go all nice and I used to think that's why men changed. But I think it because I'm a challenge (hard faced) they love bomb me, I fall for them and I become nice and tolerate shit I shouldn't.

That is literally me. Book ordered.

Snap, we'll compare notes later in the week miracle 😉

The bitch thing has really resonated with me. I can be quite cool at the start but once i like them I definitely change. I just want to meet someone it’s easy with. No counting texts or hours between messages. No reading self help books or watching Matthew Hussey videos. Is that too much to ask?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hear you notcool I sometimes look at other women/friends who start relationships and wonder how is it so easy for them. Yet it's always a struggle.

Then when I do find someone who it's easy with. They turn out to be narcissistic compulsive liar. 🤦🏻‍♀️

lifegoes and miracle - that's defo my problem! MrManc is so bloody excited about today that I've told him 'nothing is real until it's real'. Told him my feet are firmly on the ground re expectations. He said 'you're right, you're perfect!' Pmsl. Must admit he's a bit infectious.

love - have you got other irons to distract you? You obviously really like MrSA and are still trying to work him out. Hopefully, with him off work you will see a bit more of him.

The bitch thing has really resonated with me. I can be quite cool at the start but once i like them I definitely change. I just want to meet someone it’s easy with. No counting texts or hours between messages. No reading self help books or watching Matthew Hussey videos. Is that too much to ask?! 🤷🏻‍♀️
No it's definitely not too much to ask! I was also a self confessed ice queen/ total bitch but as much as I hate to admit it, the guy I'm with now totally melted me 😱
You completely hit the nail on the head with it feeling easy, it always did with him. I can't even say why, I just knew (and still do!) I could text him at any time or as many times or as few times as suited me and vice versa, there was never any stress or worry or game playing. Prior to meeting for our first date I really wasn't sure if I'd fancy him (he's 26 - 10 years younger than me and his from his pictures really didn't look like my type) but he'd said he didn't care if he just made some new friends out of it, neither of us really knew what we were looking for and chatting with him was just like talking with an old friend, never any attempt at sex chat or even any indication he actually fancied me 😂 so I thought 'what the hell let's see what happens'.
We're nearly 8 months in now and while my red flag alert has always been permanently set to high, I can honestly say he's done nothing to make me think he's anything other than genuine.

I guess all I'm saying is no, you're totally not asking too much and you shouldn't settle for anything other than what makes you happy.
I think in my late teens/ early 20's I was more inclined to ignore the little red flags (or sometimes just the pink ones!) and settle for behaviour that I didn't necessarily like, because there were other parts I liked. Now I'm in a place where I'd rather be on my own than 'put up' with shitty behaviour just for the sake of having a man around

Love hearing this @wishywashy6 restores my faith.

I've decided I'm not going on my date with Mr G tomorrow. I haven't told him yet - not sure what to say.

Something isn't sitting right with me, the little lies the forgetfulness etc. We get on well via text and maybe I'm deliberately putting off the date as it's only my second OLD date.

But I've just got this gut feeling not to go.

I'm not sure what to say to him if he texts confirming tomorrow any ideas?

@lifegoes go with your gut. There'll be other dates and the lies would be a big turn off for me too.
Just make something up; You're ill/ prior engagement you'd forgotten about/ Tom Hardy called.....

I would just message him now and say I'm really sorry but I don't think we're well suited so it wouldn't be fair on either of us to meet tomorrow.