Has anyone ever found out about their husbands affair and just kept it to themselves?

[howhasthishappened]

As above really.
I'm lost. I'm in shock and I don't know what to do. I wish I just didn't know.

From the way you have described him and by what he has said he came up with a story very quickly, so depending on the way he said it , I would believe him.
Also with the fact he isn't secretive with his laptop or phone I would doubt a one night stand or an affair.
I used to work in an office and the things colleges do to each other is horrendous, I have seen someone bring in a usb stick of their new baby and when they went to show someone else their was quite graphic gay porn pictures. But for some reason men find pranking quite hilarious no matter what the outcome could be.

if it was just one message, her reply to it was "hahaha" and he says people send stupid messages from other people's computers when they've left them unlocked, I'd be inclined to believe him.

^^this. Hope we are right OP.

Personally, I’d be giving him the benefit of the doubt here and letting it go.

And I say that as someone who has found the messages and evidence etc and ended my marriage. I don’t think this is a dealbreaker.

You can get past this, but he needs to work hard at it. That is so important.

I work in a place where it's common to have your laptop hijacked and messages sent on your behalf if you're lax enough to leave it unlocked and the messages are ALWAYS childish with no consideration given to any potential comebacks. It does happen and I hope that's what has happened here rather than the alternative. Hugs for you OP, aside from this incident your DH sounds nice!

Your husband sounds really nice. I think I'd believe him.

I've worked in places where people will send messsges/update Facebook/draw cocks in the middle of notebooks. Unfortunately there are a lot of twats out there!

It really does sound plausible. Especially as her reply was "hahaha". If they were deep in an affair or even just messing around then I would expect a similarly explicit message as a reply.

Hope you get some sleep

I haven't read all the posts and I'm really sorry if someone else has said this. I'm at work and just wanted to quickly reply.
Is it facebook messenger?? Because he's right, if someone logs into their account on you're phone etc it does show their messages on your message list. It happened to an ex work colleague of mine.. caused a bit of drama for her at the time..Just something worth considering op
Hope you're ok today

After reading your updates I really do think he's being honest.
As other say her response is the most telling.
She instantly knew it wasn't your husband and just responded to the joke.

He was Lax with it. He left it in your care sand you had access to it.

And he does seem decent.

This must've been such a horrific experience for you. I really hope you start to feel better soon

Sounds like a silly prank - happens all the time in offices.
Just get on with enjoying your family and your new baby and try not to fret about something that has absolutely no basis.

Could be a prank maybe.

But with regards to if he has. Well it wouldn’t ever be the same. You can fix a broken mirror but the cracks will always be there.

So you blame yourself, what did someone have a gun to his head and make him cheat? There are other ways to deal with life's problems. Selfish people choose cheating and deceit. Beacuse the world is all about their needs and happiness.

Do you want to live looking over your shoulder, worrying about every late night?

It's such a horrible shock op, I hope you do tell a family member or close friend so that you have support.

If he is honest and remorseful you could go to counselling and rebuild but I've heard it's quite a long road, don't rush into anything.

I'd believe in him. He sounds like a rock. Colleagues can be total jerks. Why would he go through all that effort for you if he was off cheating?

You must know in your gut if he loves you. And it sounds very much by your descriptions that he does.

I think I'd be inclined to believe him also. I used to work in an office where you couldn't leave your laptop unlocked for a second without the lads in the office pulling some prank - sending messages, changing messenger status to "looking for cock" etc 🙄

He laughed? You told him you saw a message that made you think he was unfaithful and he laughed?! I can't imagine anyone reacting like that. Surely he would show concern and want to reassure you?

Surely her responses to the 'joke sent by someone else' messages would tell you if he is telling the truth?

If he is telling the truth I feel sorry for this poor woman who has to work with idiots who think it's okay to send sexual messages as a joke.

Rite of passage before a wedding is to have sex with someone else??

Anyone who would accept that as an excuse needs their head examining.

For this to even have a chance of being resolved it needs to be discussed op. All sweeping under the carpet will achieve is making you a bubbling pot of resentment.

What an vile specimen

Oh ignore me. I read everything wrong. Too much gin.

WingsofNylon 😂
I love you for this

Crimpbrunette

In my old office, they'd write your resignation letter in an email and have your boss and line manager copied in it. Heaven forbid you actually sent it by accident.

I agree OP, if it's the only message from 2017 with that kind of reply and your DH's history I would definitely give him the benefit of the doubt. Wishing you the best in your relationship xx

What he is saying could be true as my office can be the same (including me ). If someone leaves their pc unlocked there might be a funny email sent or someone direct messaged something rude. We always know that's what's happened and so we all reply in a similar way (laughing).

So just a little update- the gut wrenching feeling hasn't left me and I've hardly eaten a thing I feel sick to my stomach.
So I did some digging and turns out the night discussed my husband (not soon to be husband at the time) stayed over on a business trip in London.
Too much of a coincidence I think.
Back to my whole world crashing down around me.

You do not trust him do you?

Too much of a coincidence depends on how often he stays away on business. If it's once a week then not much of a coincidence, if it's once a year then yes, maybe too much of a coincidence.

Oh no I can see how you would think that. Does he stay away often? Is there a way to check anything else of his historically?

You are 2 weeks post natal
Your hormones are all over the
Place.
Just talk to him.
Hormones and lack of sleep sends your brain into overdrive.
2 + 2 = 5

You will keep digging and you will find out the truth 💐

My DH was, and still is, an absolute rock and remains loving and supportive but maintained a long term affair with a colleague. I trusted him to the end of the earth until I discovered otherwise

I said if before...tell him...

“I know. I know about the affair and I’m going to give you one opportunity to be truthful with me.”
“ I don’t want to hear lies. Tell me the truth and I’ll consider working through this. Lie to me and you can move out tonight”.

Don’t explain WHAT you know or HOW you know. Wait for him to tell you.

It might be an idea to tell him he’s got 30 minutes to collect his thoughts and think about the best course of action. This will make him really think about whether to deny it or not.

Try not to get over emotional when you speak to him. Appear controlled even if you’re dying inside. You need him to think/know you’re being deadly serious.

I don’t believe him op and I know you don’t. You deserve better than this. Be strong.