Has anyone ever found out about their husbands affair and just kept it to themselves?

[howhasthishappened]

As above really.
I'm lost. I'm in shock and I don't know what to do. I wish I just didn't know.

so sorry OP please tell your mum, you need support in real life.

Oh this is awful - this happened to me too, I let it go but he carried on. We broke up, I have massive trust Issues now. Would never ever forgive again.

So sorry you're going through this at all but especially at a time that should be so happy.

Sending strength xx

I'm so sorry this is happening to you How
Mine was out the door as soon as I found out, it was over in an instant. But I didn't have a baby to think about. What ever you choose to do I wish you peace with your decision

@how
I stayed, and we are mostly happy, but I have moments of crisis. It’s not quite been a year yet though so I’m hoping things will improve. I am mostly happy because our dc are still happy.

It does depend on how he reacts now though. He has to do EVERYTHING in his power to make things right. If he doesn’t - you are better off without.

I would maybe consider not telling your mum, but someone else close. Mums will never forgive someone who hurts their daughter, and this may become an issue for you if you stay together if she doesn’t fully support your decision.

OP - wait before you tell him. Be really non specific with the confrontation, perhaps start with acting out of sorts with him asking what's wrong? Then answer with just saying 'i know about the affair/woman X and you'.

Basically don't give away that you only know it was 2017, and you might get out of him how long it happened. A last fling before a marriage he regrets is very different to a 2 year long affair, but you need to know the truth before you decide.

He clearly doesn't want to leave you for her, so he will do whatever to keep you, and it sounds like you want to forgive already. Just make sure you have as much info as possible.

Op I think you should tell your mum, I understand you don't wan to make her hate him but you need support, you have a 2 week old baby (congratulations) and a daughter you mentioned, whether you decide to stay or not you will need support

Oh darling I am so sorry you're going through this. What a shit you 'D'H is. Hugs

please please wait. To gather more information, whatever. Just get your head straight before he fucks with it.

I confronted as soon as that little voice screamed he's fucking someone else. I even phoned him at work to do it.

With hindsight, what a mistake that was. It gave him time to hide stuff, delete messages and start making excuses as to to why his affair was my fault before he got home. Wish I had kept my big fat mouth shut until I'd done some snooping.

I was devastated and did not think, I even did the God Damned Mother Fucking Pick Me Dance.

It was years ago. We are still together. Nothing's the same as it was before.

Best thing to do is calm yourself before you make any decisions whatsoever but it will be very hard to hide your feelings and he might pick up on it if you cannot manage to do that.

No advice I’m afriad, just sympathy.
I hope he is honest with you, and you work it out in whatever way you feel is right.

Oh OP, so sorry. I'd definitely be trying (not easy) to get ducks in a row to some extent. Or at least look at those emails again. You do really need to know if it's still going on. What a shit.

Have a chat and find out what been going on.

Good luck OP. I'm so so sorry you have to do this.

My sister is still with her partner after finding out he had an affair for a year with someone he worked with. They get on ok now but my sister still has the occasional flare up at him and the whole situation has really damaged her self esteem and turned her very paranoid.

So sorry you're going through this, especially when you've got a brand new baby! What a bastard!

What a jerk. for you OP

My ex husband cheated all the time. I'm sure there was prostitutes etc as well. I even saw pics hed uploaded to a seedy site and yet he still denied it.

That was all before we got married. Yep I still married him. I was young and stupid.

It turned me into a controlling, neurotic woman. I wouldn't let him even go for a night out without going myself etc. That was no way to live.

I finally broke free in 2014 when I met my now fiance and I'm glad I did.

People said we looked so happy but it was all a front.

Now I am happy but my fiance knows I can be paranoid etc and it very happy to show me anything and help me through it rather than punching me for asking like my ex did.

Hope you’re ok x

I would try and establish the truth yourself. Don't rely on him to tell you what happened. You won't believe it anyway.
Meet access to the laptop again. As hard as it will be you need to know what happened and when.

Then you can decide if you want to stay.

I'm so sorry. I don't think I could keep it in for long and I wouldn't be able to stay.

Hope you’re ok op