Has anyone ever found out about their husbands affair and just kept it to themselves?

[howhasthishappened]

As above really.
I'm lost. I'm in shock and I don't know what to do. I wish I just didn't know.

I suppose it could have been - I feel like it wasn't tho. He works with her they're on the same team, I can't imagine they just stopped? I don't know.
I want to rewind and not know now. Why did I look? I'm pretty sure I knew I wasn't going to like what I'd find.
He's been so amazing, we've had a great 2 weeks together on his paternity leave and I'm just so devastated now.

Going to speak to him once my friends leave in an hour or so, don't know how to bring it up tho. Don't know what to say. I'll probs just show him the photo of the message and then cry.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. What the hell is it with men who have pregnant partners and/or young children?!

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I can't imagine how you feel, sending so much love your way ❤️

I just never thought this would happen to me.
And I always thought I would leave instantly. I don't want to ruin my family. I thought we had it made I was so blissfully happy x

Oh blimey, I'm so sorry you must be so conflicted with a new baby!

I know I can't keep things like that hidden. I'd not be able to be normal.. Kisses, cuddles, sex etc would all be off the table as I'd be so hurt. I'd need to get it off my chest, find out all the details (however painful) and work through it from there.

I hope you're "OK" OP x

Oh OP

Oh OP, I'm so sorry.

Have you got anyone in real life you could talk to about this?

@HamiltonCork
I want to tell my mum, but I don't want to ruin how she views him if we're not going to split up- if that makes sense? I'm an idiot

Op I'm so sorry, my first post was in response to a hypothetical question

In your situation with a 2 week old I'd have to tell a close friend or relative

Be kind to yourself, this is his mess not yours

Plus keep posting here whenever you need to chat regardless of what you decide to do

Mumsnetters are lovely caring people at times like this and sadly many of us have been through it

I'm so sorry you're going through this I hope it's some misunderstanding. Hope everything works out for you and your children

Ah telling your Mum, that is a tricky one. You and he may get through it but do not expect your mother to find that one easy. You are her beloved child. Her maternal feelings will run deep.

You’re not an idiot. You’ve been blindsided.

OP. I'm so sorry for you. It's hard enough with a new baby. Please tell someone. Don't be embarrassed, it's nothing you've done. You need support. X

You do need to talk to him x
You absolutely do not need to tell anyone else. I didn’t and have never regretted it.

I would tell one of your best friends, so that you have someone just for you to talk to.
I am sure lots of people have affairs that are never uncovered and just fizzle out.
I really feel for you, you dont have to make any big decisions at the moment. I would be tempted to do a whole lots more digging before I had the conversation with him xx

I'm torn about my mum, we are so close she's my rock and I need her. But I think it would make it harder to move on (if that's what I choose to do)

Argh I just wanna throw up.

Thank you so much everyone, I will keep posting, it's making me feel better just to write it down.

Please remember that once something has been said, it can’t be unsaid 💐
I’m so sorry you’re going through this x

I'm so sorry that you're going through this

You do need to tell him OP. But you don’t need to tell anyone irl yet. Maybe talk to a counsellor. And keep posting here if it helps.

OP I’m so sorry you are facing this. I cannot even imagine how you are feeling right night especially with your newborn baby

I'm so sorry for you, have no idea what I'd do in your shoes,
There may be a way through this, people do forgive and some people who are unfaithful terrify themselves by doing it so try to think if it that way.
for you

This is awful.

Honestly, I wouldn’t say anything until my mind had settled down. He’s had years of thinking about it (reasoning, justifying, lying etc), you’ve had a couple of hours. I would want to get my mind and feelings straight. Also, with a 2 week old, I can’t imagine you’re not tired and emotional as it is. Don’t be robbed of this precious time with your baby. Freeze him out if you have to. Be selfish. He has been.

A month before your wedding is all kinds of wrong. There’s literally nothing he could say that could make that okay. It will take time for you to work out how to deal with that.

So sorry OP.

To answer your original question, yes, I do know of someone who knows about their DH’s affair but has never revealed the fact to him.
The affair lasted for over a year and was with a colleague.
The DH did not chose to end it.
DW never told him she knew because they had very young children at the time.
This was 15 years ago and the couple seem very content together now.
I couldn’t keep the information to myself but, in all honesty, looking at their marriage and their happy DC, I can’t say she made an error.