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Original poster

Am I being a psycho bitch?????

347 replies

psychobitch · 03/07/2007 07:40

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

OP posts:
Nbg · 03/07/2007 07:47

Sorry but I think you being a bit paranoid.

Has your dh even met this woman? Bearing in mind he only started his job on monday and no one has been in the office with him.

tissy · 03/07/2007 07:56

I can see his point- you are beng paranoid.

if you come from a position of not having an office at all, or sharing an office with lots of other people, it's a big deal to have your "own" office, even if it's not exclusively yours.

maybe he didn't mention it, or maybe he didn't know he would be sharing, or who he would be sharing with.

i can totally understand him not wanting to tell you her name; every time you have a row, you will bring her into it, and it is far more personal if you name her. Maybe he does fancy her, but that doesn't mean that he intends to do anything with her- anyway i doubt if he has any control over who goes in which office. Maybe he doesn't like her, and is pleased about not having to share this week.

I think you need to back off a lot, apologise for our unreasonable behaviour, and support him at a time when he needs a bit of suport.

tissy · 03/07/2007 07:59

that should read"maybe he didn't mention it because he didn't think it was important"

TootyFrooty · 03/07/2007 08:00

Blimey - you are being very very paranoid and a bit psycho. I can see why he didn't tell you. Sharing an office with someone of the opposite sex is what happens in real life. It happens every day in hundreds of thousands of offices and it doesn't mean everyone who shares an office has an affair.

You need to get over this and fast - you will make a complete fool of yourself and cause a problem between you and dh.

Sorry but that's the truth.

BandofMuggles · 03/07/2007 08:03

Tooty is right, you would have no problem at all if he was sharing with a man and hadn't told you.
Just apologise, say you don't know what came over you and you just love him so much.

tissy · 03/07/2007 08:04

my dh is one of two men in a department of forty women- if I worried about him fancying any of them, i have been locked up in a psychiatric ward by now.

BandofMuggles · 03/07/2007 08:10

DH sometimes does my head in. He is very charming and all the ladies have always liked him (me inc before we were together) and he has a laugh and probably jokes with them. He isn't in an office but is in their offices in the course of his job.
Once there was a very pretty young woman who was very flirty with him, and I hated it, esp when pics of the xmas do had them both in, but there was nothing untoward and I trust him, and he simply wasn't interested/isn't interested in any of them.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. If you have suspicions based on anything more concrete then that is different.

Original poster
psychobitch · 03/07/2007 08:18

The department that he is now working in is linked to the department he working in before. So he knew all along that he would be sharing with her, and knows who she is.

I asked him if she was pretty and he said no, but wouldn't look me in the eye, and admitted that she is younger than me.

If it turns out she is interested in him there is no way I can compete.

OP posts:
Tortington · 03/07/2007 08:20

yers you are. you are understandably fragile as you have a new baby, bu i can tell you that clingy "please do leave meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" type talks are ot the way to go
the ay t go is this.

" i was whistled at as i went to the post office -it made my day"

i phoned the bank to check the balnce and this GORG scots accent greeted me - if i didn't know beter i would say he was flirting with me!

turn the tables - if you have sme paranoid clingy person begging BEGGING for you love - would you thnk it endearing? no

butin an equal relatioship would he comments above- above-slipped in not keep someone on thir toes

let him kno he's not the only person on the planet who thinks youare attractive.

Tortington · 03/07/2007 08:23

compete? for fucks sake lady.

you are totally paranoid - unless h had done somethng in the past to warrentthis tpe of behaviour.

if he is going to fuck omeone else - then wy would you want to compete - if thought my dh was predestponed to fucking peole at work - i would divorce him
not ask
if she was pretty
if she wasyoungre than me

stop being so wet

tissy · 03/07/2007 08:24

you are setting yourself up to fail! You already in your mind have him and her having an affair, there being a "competition", and her winning! Do you have any prior reason to be that insecure? He chose to live with you, and have a child, didn't he?

Anyway, what is the correct answer to "is she pretty?" If he had said "yes" you would have been upset because you would automatically interpret that as "prettier than you", and if he had said "no" and you later see her, and she is pretty, you would then think he had a reason for lying.

tissy · 03/07/2007 08:25

custy is right as usual

gess · 03/07/2007 08:26

gosh, yes you are being paranoid. The poor man is sharing an office with a woman who happens to be younger than him. Being given the third degree must be very waring & difficult for him.

Have you always felt paranoid about other women? Or is it new baby/size of a bus/leaking milk related? If it's been going on for longer might be worth trying to do somehting about. Counselling? Something? It must be difficult to live your life worried (without any justification) that he's going to leave you.

gess · 03/07/2007 08:26

oh you might not be the size of the bus, I was thinking of myself post birth.

ConnorTraceptive · 03/07/2007 08:28

You really need to get this under control or you will end up pushing him away. I suspect when he told people he was getting an office of his 'own' it was a little bit of bragging to show the importance of the new job and actually sharing an office with just one other person is pretty much having your own office.

As for asking him is she pretty? well that's a no win question for the poor guy.

themildmanneredjanitor · 03/07/2007 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TimeForMe · 03/07/2007 08:32

Awh come on guys. Lets not be too hard on OP even though she is being rather paranoid

New baby, hormones all over the place, feeling vulnerable and low self esteem.

Yes, you are over reacting and letting your imagination run wild but I can understand where you are coming from. Just try to focus on all the postive stuff you have with DH rather than the negative. Don't let your insecurity spoil what should be a lovely time.

Get your hair done, put on some lippy, do something to make yourself feel good. And smile make him wonder what you've been up to!

Mommalove · 03/07/2007 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
psychobitch · 03/07/2007 09:01

Pretty sure it won't be so easy to make it up with DP.

I can't blame baby hormones as DS is 16 months old (just still refuses to sleep through the night).

I feel so shitty about myself I don't know what DP see's in me anyway. Constantly live with the fear that he will realise he can do better and will find someone else.

I will be honest, I hate him going out with his friends, I always think that he will find someone else. I feel that I have nothing to offer him and that there is no reason for him to stay with me (except for DS but that is no reason to stay together).

Have suffered with depression (due to low self esteem) for the last 12 years on and off. Was on Prozac after DS ws born as was so depressed. Been trying to wean myself off them as been putting on weight (which my Dr blames on the Prozac). Obviously I need something else. Just called Dr's but my doctor is on holiday, have to ring back next Friday.

I have no friends here and noone to talk to and I feel like I have just had enough, of feeling this way and being the way that I am. And I know I will drive DP away but I just geniunely don't know why he is with me anyway.

OP posts:
gess · 03/07/2007 09:04

Gosh you sound very low. Is some sort of counselling available, could you afford to pay (think NHS waits are long). It sounds like you need some help to start to feel good about yourself.

LilyLoo · 03/07/2007 09:11

Rather than blaming dp for you feeling this way , have you sat down with him and tried to talk about why you feel like this.
It is very hard for the partner of someone with depression too and you must try and not blame him / push him away because of how you feel. He is with you obviously because he loves you.
If he knows how fragile you are all the more reason for him to not make a big deal about him working with another woman.
Please try and back off and give him support and in turn you will feel better about your self. Pushing him away only makes you feel worse about yourself.
Have you tried any herbal remedies. Someone on here recommended 5htp with st johns wort and she feels much better.

BandofMuggles · 03/07/2007 09:12

You need to control yourself and these jealous feelings. My exh always thought I would cheat on him/leave him, when actually I was quite happy with him. Until after a couple of years I was still getting the third degree about where I went, who with and he still thought I was going to.
He thought I was more likely to cheat on him if I went out with non married friends. In 4 years of marriage I went out twice without him. As I was dressing for it, he sat there, you're not wearing that are you??
Me, yes I thought you liked this when we were dating??
HIM, you can't wear it it's too short/tight/whatever.
GUESS WHAT??? I left him. He utterly suffocated me. He also seemed convinced that I married him for a green card, he was in the US. Perhaps he realised that wasn't true when I left him and came back to UK, nothing else seemed to convince him.
If he hasn't given you reason to distrust him, then trust him.
My DH now, loves me still despite some jiggly bits that weren't there before the dd's came along, and the fact I HAD A COMPLETE FIT AT HIM THE OTHER DAY OUT OF THE BLUE.
OOps caps lock

Calm down, calm conversation with him about your insecurities, total honesty, sincere apology.

expatinscotland · 03/07/2007 09:19

In answer to the OP: yes, you are being a psycho bitch.

People of opposite sexes work together all the time, sometimes for decades even, and never have anything other than a work relationship.

She could be gay, married, a man-hater, etc.

Christ on a bike! He just started the job yesterday.

Original poster
psychobitch · 03/07/2007 09:21

He won't talk to me about it cause he says that we just have the same conversation over and over again and that I never believe a word he says. Which I hate to admit is true.

He doesn't understand depression at all and just thinks that the reason I am like I am is cause I hate my life here, which I don't really.

He gave me the name psycho bitch! Flattering isn't it (even if it is accurate).

If I say to him that I don't understand what he sees in me, he tells me that I don't have to so long as he knows. But that really doesn't help!

He also keeps calling me a 'miserable old cow' which he says is a joke (sometimes) but that really upsets me.

I just don't know how to stop feeling like I do. Was 2 1/2 stone lighter this time last year than I am now (lost all baby weight and more), but that was when my depression came back big time (and the weight started piling back on). So even though I have just started going back to the gym again, I know that losing weight alone will not make me ffeel better about myself.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 03/07/2007 09:25

I have had severe PND twice.

You can't keep using the disease as an excuse to exercise no self-control over your behaviour at all.

Sorry, but if you are having this much trouble managing your moods and anger, please first see your GP or psychiatric consultant at first port of call.

Then ask for a referral for some counselling.