Am I being a psycho bitch?????

[psychobitch]

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

I'd be quite happy to join in a 'threesome' (never thought I'd say that !) I'd love some of your tips, Wisteria, and perhaps we can support each other in a 'lose weight for Christmas' challenge.

I shall email you my own email address, Wisteria.

Star, Wisteria's a good counsellor! She asks some pretty pertinent questions.

Thanks both for your support over the Norfolk Lady affair. I had an email from another old girlfriend of dp's, whom I count as a personal friend too. She's known him about 30 years and says she'd never heard of Norfolk Lady (henceforward known as NL), so she can't have been significant. She says not to worry about NL, she has no chance. I wouldn't worry, but dp has a week off soon and was hoping to spend it all there, as he doesn't want to come back just for a few days and then return for only 5 further shows before his job there ends. I'm visiting him for part of that week, but then have to come home as dd starts school half-way through his week off and I want to be home for her. I told him last night that dd will be going to her father's the following weekend, so we would have a couple of days to ourselves, and to throw that into his equation of whether he stays in Norfolk or comes back with me for a few days. What I DON't want is him staying there on his own with nothing to do and NL waiting like a spider, with her enticing cricket on cable TV option .

Perhaps I'm blowing this up out of proportion ?

Or maybe I should just get cable ??

Sorry Star, I'm hijacking. Will shut up now and get back to work!

Not hijacking at all! Although not sure that I am the best person to comment on things like this with my paranoia!

I am sure that you have nothing to worry about though, especially with what the mutual friend has said.

If in your position I would (well to be honest I'd freak but that is just me ) hope that he does chose to go home with you for a few days. Be reassuring for you if he does?

Yes, it certainly would reassure me. Thanks for letting me hijack. I guess I offloaded onto you as I knew you'd understand - and because he's so far away, I'm doing my best not to freak & remember that he's with me, he lives with me and anyway, I look better than she does (bitchy emoticon!). I did tease him that he seems to have an ex-girlfriend in every port .

It would also reassure me if he phoned me - he usually does before the show and he hasn't yet tonight. The phone's rung twice, and both times I picked it up and said 'Hallo darling' - once it was a friend of dd's whose birthday do she's going to, and next it was my ex-h !!!!Tried to pass it off by saying I was expecting dd to phone, but I think ex-h guessed...

I once tried counting up how many girlfriends of his I knew or knew of, and gave up after I hit 18 (I can now make that 19). Now, apart from one, he never tried living with any of them, and I know he's serious about us, but meeting NL made me feel a teensy bit insecure.

Ok, I cracked and phoned HIM - he said he had tried calling, and I was engaged (probably when I was calling ex-h darling!) - anyway, we've had a nice luvvy chat and I feel a bit better (or is that the glass of wine I've just imbibed ?) But I still put a bit of GENTLE pressure on him to come home with me in September (even without cable TV). No mention of NL, just said I really, really missed him and would love to have him to myself whilst dd is at her father's. We shall see...

Meanwhile Star, how are you? I have emailed Wisteria with my own email (I haven't set up CAT either) so hopefully we'll be able to set up our private weightloss support group !

Hi Tanee!

There is no harm in you calling him (or ina little 'gentle' pressure either). Not as if you are like me and giving him 20 questions. Just a loving partner calling the one she loves cause she misses him! He may actually be pleased that you called him if he normally calls you?

I am ok, just been a little stressed today (for what most people would think was completely pathetic)!

Have been really good food wise today, but let myself down with a bottle of wine tonight (can't stick to just a glass). But still much better than usual.

Would have gone to the gym tonight (which prob would have meant I wouldn't have had the wine) but was supposed to be working till 7:15. Then they cancelled but had already arranged with DP that he was going to the gym after work cause I wasn't and therefore didn't need him home early (if that makes sense)!!!

Anyway, just going to pop in the shower then we are going to watch something on TV (just for a change). Then it is bed for me as I am knackered as usual!

Speak to you soon Tanee, and looking forward to our Weight Loss Threesome XX

bed already star, surely not?

Yes bed early every night. After 10 is classed as a late one for us! Unfortunately usually go to bed for sleep though !!!!

I actually quite like getting to bed early sometimes (9.15 last Friday) but it's usually nearer midnight.

Yes, I'm glad I phoned dp yesterday. He was pleased that I did, and shared my disconcerted feelings about calling my ex-h 'darling' - I never called him darling in 12 years of marriage - only dp and I have ever used that endearment to each other. Otherwise only small children, cats and dd get any darlings from me .

Have you emailed Wisteria yet? I heard that she's away a couple of days and will be in touch when she's back. Looking forward to our 'group'. I'd like to lose at least half a stone before Christmas - I bought a few nice things when I lost weight before, and now can't do up the waists without breathing problems - and I seem to have sprouted quite a spare tyre. Spent a long time in Tesco Extra near work this lunchtime, looking at the carb content of various lunches and gave up and got a cumberland pie which takes me over the limit. Am going to have to start making my own lunches again, but my low carb cookbook is somewhere in a box in the attic since our house move. Oh poo!

Hi Tanee. Glad that all is well between you and DP. Knew it would be !

Hald a stone before christmas? I am hoping for at least two stone!!!!! But then even at two stone lost I will still weigh more than you do now !

Yeah Wisteria emailed me to let me know that she was away for a couple of days. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but this is my level of paranoia, been worried that you two will email each other and leave me out (I know I am too pathetic for words and I apologise).

Had a really rubbish day today. Mindee 2 banged her head really hard and was a little worried about her for a while, but was ok in the end (but when told the mum she was worrying and made me panic a bit that she will think I do a terrible job). Mindee 3 cancelled AGAIN (and parent won't pay even though she should), DD and her friend were here and driving me mad by playing in the same room as toddlers but not involving them (which doesn't go down well and I stress that if they want to play on their own they have to go in DD's room).

Drier has broken for second time in a month, text DP about repair paperwork as I can't find it, and he was on his way to Milton Keynes with work so could answer for a change (has to have his phone turned off if in the office). Then got all paranoid as was worried who he was travelling up with, thinking that he would be stopping in a lay by somewhere for a quickie!!

Anyway, we text for a bit and he knew what was coming so I avoided asking the questions. Told him that I was feeling really down and in desperate need of some love and affection. So he came in tonight with a bottle of wine and a big bag of Kettle Chips (Sea Salt and Black Peppercorn, my favourite) .

I know that it isn't much (but it is to me) but guess it is his way of showing that he cares .

Rambled on again haven't I!!! Sorry!

Hope to hear from you soon XX

Sea Salt & black pepper - I like that one too. Prefer the simpler flavours to the fancy ones (except Sweet Chilli - that's nice). Having said that, dd and I have sworn off the crisps .

Your DP certainly seems to have the right idea - good for him - and good for you for not grilling him about quickies in laybys ! The weather yesterday was so foul that I doubt if it would have put anyone in the mood for passion. I have no drier, so have had to put the heating on to dry the washing.

My neck has come out in red itchy patches today. I have a 'magic cream' that was recommended when I had radiotherapy years ago, it works a treat on occasional eczma - but I gave it to dp to take to Norfolk as he was having problems. So he has nice clear skin and I have an irritating neck. No chance of a doctor appointment before the weekend so have moisturised and hope whatever's caused it will go away. Wonder if I'm subconsciously stressing over something. Lots of minor things, the weather, the laundry, tidying the house, sorting a mountain of paperwork, NL, but not enough to bring me out in a rash, I would have thought. DD looked at it and said yes, it did look red, but at least it looked very smooth!!

I'm sure Wisteria & I wouldn't dream of leaving you out, by the way - after all, this is YOUR thread. But I know what you mean - I tend that way myself with friends - all goes back to being bullied by two so-called 'friends' when I was in school. That was 35 years ago but it left me with a legacy of insecurity where friends are concerned. Now that Wisteria has both our emails, she can put us in touch with each other - and maybe I'll stump up the fiver for CAT.

Have you any plans for the long weekend? I've managed to haul DD away from her social life to come with me for a couple of days to see friends in Wales, which will be a nice change. Am hoping the cats will be ok alone as one is still off colour and very annoyed that I won't let him outdoors until he's pooing properly (eugh!)

Hello. DP called me yesterday lunch time moaning about the women he was away with (who he referred to as 'old women') so that made me feel a lot better.

I too have had my heating on all day drying washing. Been like a sauna in here. Have stuff that hasn't dried quick enough though and stinks. Washed it twice and can't get the smell out .

Hope you rash is ok. I get psoriasis ocassionally but usually just on my scalp. However end of last year and until about April it was horrid and I had patches on my legs and it was all over my arms. Doctor said that is was cause I was working too much (7 days a week then) and was stressed out. Luckily the sun helps with it and is has cleared up now (at least I assume that is what has helped).

Glad to hear that you won't leave me out (paranoid as I am), bit difficult with 3 way emailing though, and I like that out chats are all interlinked. Perhaps we could send emails to both recipients (my psycho status showing again?)?

I have no plans for the weekend except working tomorrow but only till 3 (and need the cash) so not too bad. Have lots of cleaning, sorting, tidying and ironing to do on Sunday and Monday!

Had a stressy moment last night and DP still in a bit of a mood with me. He had left a receipt downstairs and one item was a sci fi magazine (yes he is a geek) but couldn't figure out what the other item was. Anyway it was driving me mad so when we went to bed last night I asked him if it was porn? He said no it wasn't but that he couldn't remember what it was. So I didn't believe him.

When I came down this morning he had left me a note saying that he had found the receipt and that it was a birthday card for a colleague. Rang him to apologise but he is still being a bit off with me . My own fault I know.

Anyway, your weekend away sounds like it will be good. Have a great time and relax. Try not to worry about anything (especially not NL as your DP sounds like he really isn't interested in her at all) and enjoy yourself.

Take Care
XXXXX

Oh at least it was only a birthday card. Know what you mean though. I managed to do a little bit of tidying up and found a packet of old postcards of dp's - several from old girlfriend's, one of whom was just a friend when I first dated him, and I found out later hadn't really liked me at all - (I was always wary of her as the friendship seemed too intense. I used to think, I wish the two of them would just f* and get it out of their system as they obviously had the hots for each other). Well about 5 years after he and I split up, they finally got together and he even moved in with her for a few months, the result of which was that they fell out so badly that they haven't talked since . Which is just as well, as I did tell him once that if he and she were still friends, I don't think he and I could have got together. I don't mind him having female friends, but she was just too much. We heard last year that she was ill, and I wondered whether he'd want to visit her - but so far as I know, he was happy just to find out how she was through a mutual friend. I have to admit that I was quite pleased to think that the mutual friend will probably have told her that he's back with me - especially as she told someone 19 years ago that, although I was good for him, I was 'only temporary'. It gives me a quiet satisfaction !

See, I can be a psychobitch too !

Feeling better today as the sun is shining. Cleared up lots of cat and fox poo from the garden, which was disgusting (my cats being indoors for a few days seems to have given the neighbourhood moggies carte blanche). Washed lots of bedding and nice to be able to hang it outside. And great to turn the heating off! Neck still red, but no worse. Dp was kind enough to say he'd post my magic cream back to me, but it wouldn't arrive till Tuesday and I could go to the GP if it's still sore. It's done his scalp a load of good (he has psoriasis there too). DD's gone to Brighton and when she gets back we're heading for sunny Cardiff.

I think you're right - dp has no interest in NL and he was very sweet on the phone yesterday when I said I was feeling really down and needed a hug. One week till I see him again and I'm counting the minutes.

I'll be back on Monday so will catch up with you then or Tuesday. Hopefully Wisteria will be back on too.
xx

Hi Tanee! Hope you had a great few days away.

I don't think that what you have said makes you sound like psychobitch. You sound very 'sorted' to me. Think it would have been too much for anyone if they had still being friends when you got back together.

How is the rash doing? All better I hope?

Me and DP had a massive row yesterday and are still not talking. Dreading him coming home. Think I will just go to the gym to keep out of his way.

Argument was a bit stupid but I am not apologising cause I don't believe I did anything wrong even though he is making it out like it was all me.

Hope to hear from you soon, Wisteria where are you????

Hi Star, I'm back, have mown the lawn for the first time in 2 weeks and cleared out another bagful of cat poo. Feel slightly sick at the amount that came out of just one bed and have put down a lot of holly branches to perforate the bottom of whichever of the neighbourhood mogs is responsible !

My rash was still there, so I went straight to the GP this morning and got a cream that has made it better after just one application. So now DP can keep my 'magic cream' as I have a new one . Yes, had a lovely day in Cardiff, took DD to visit the outdoor museum at St Fagans. I don't think she was as keen on all the reconstructed old buildings as I was. Don't know what happened there, she hasn't inherited my love of history. I have photos of her on Sunday looking sulky as only a 15 year old can !

I'm sorry to hear about your row. I'm reading a book called 'I love you but I'm not in love with you', written by a Relate counsellor. He gives some good tips on constructive arguments - and says that it's important to remember that one person shouldn't take all the blame for problems in a relationship. He says it's very important to be able to argue - that we don't do it as much as our parents did - and that the lack of rows in a relationship can be very destructive. I'd agree with that. My ex-h and I didn't row once in 12 years - he used to be SO logical and calm - but it didn't save the marriage. I hate rows, and so does dp, but I think we ought to practise!

Hope you and dp will be talking again soon.

Hello! Glad you had a lovely time.

I am completely dreading my DD hitting her teens. Although she is just 9 next month, I sometimes wonder if she is getting teenage angst already with her moods and answering back! Sometimes she drives me crazy!

Although I am sure that when DS hits her age he will be just as bad.

DD does share my love for music and singing! I am unfortunately tone deaf and couldn't play an instrument to save my life (unless it was 'three blind mice' on the recorder or 'twinkle twinkle' on DS's toy keyboard), do fear that DD will follow in my footsteps. I will, and do, encourage her all the same though!

I hate not talking and ususally end up apologising just because I can't stand the atmosphere, but I refuse to this time. He has hardly said two words to me since he came in, just been to the gym (Gold Star for me ) and not really said anything to me when I came in either.

Really really pisses me off that he can be so damned petty about things.

Anyway, time for a shower and then my much anticipated dinner (quorn pasta bolognaise, YUM).

How long till you see your DH? Bet your counting the hours? X

Hi Star, good for you going to the gym. Are you and dp speaking yet? What on earth was the argument about? (You don't have to tell me!) The awful thing is that huge rows can erupt over something really very small - but there may be something else underpinning his reaction.

Dd's not bad as teenagers go and luckily we really don't have major arguments - but she and I have different ideas about how to spend our spare time (which is quite as it should be). She hates going round museums and old houses (says they smell!), doesn't like radio 4 or classical music. She's very into rock music now, which is nice as I can introduce her to our old LPs - in fact, a shared taste in music helped her reconcile herself to DP as he can talk about rock more knowledgeably than I can, and he has a VAST record collection dating back to the late 60s.

Incidentally, she was looking over my shoulder yesterday and commented that she really liked your name of 'psychobitch'. She thinks mine is far too boring !

Going up to see DP on Saturday night. Yes, counting the hours though as he'll still be working, I won't see a lot of him. We shall only really have one whole day together and then I have to come home again for DD's first day of term . He may come with me or not - as he has 5 days off after that. It's a great shame though I'm sure he won't be spending too much time with NL!

Hello you two - Star, we would never leave you out, don't worry.
Feeling a bit low today but will mail you.

Hope all is well - just torn a strip off dp for getting bladdered last night, being unreasonable but can't help it

Hi Wisteria, glad to have you back . Star, how are you? Are you ok? Is dp speaking again? WIsteria, sorry you are feeling down.

I'm just off to Norfolk again for a week so won't be online till Friday I think. Dp has been very sweet about looking forward to seeing me tonight, so I hope we can have a good few days together - though he will be working some of the time.

I'm busily reading 'I Love You But I'm Not in Love with You' by Arthur Marshall. It's got some very good tips on how to argue. Wonder if I'll ever become good at putting them into practice though ?

Have emailed you both!

Glad to have you back Wisteria, and keep on showing that brave grin.

Have a great time Tanee and chat to you soon.

XXX

hallo all, I'm back. Norfolk is now on our list of 'Places to Retire To' . DP was even looking in estate agents windows in Norwich yesterday, to see how they compare with London!

How are you? Seems things have been very quiet since I went away. Will check my emails when I get a moment (supposed to be working ...)

Wisteria & Star, I've tried emailing you twice during my lunch break - and both times, got timed out by my server and lost the text! So I'm not ignoring you, just being frustrated by the technology .

Will be trying again tomorrow, as I really MUST do some work - since they're paying me for it .