Am I being a psycho bitch?????

[psychobitch]

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

Ooooh - is it expensive BF? I could do with a bit of that for nailbiting and weight loss!

PB, where do you live?

No Wisty, £10 a session. I lost a stone in 7 weeks and wasnt on any kind of diet. It was great actually, I need to go back. (Dont want the dog eyeing me up thinking there's plenty of meat on me!! )

PB - if you have had this issue for a while (and I can understand it, truly I can) then it is possible that it may not make much difference to your self esteem if you lost the weight anyway; what I mean is it seems you have an unhealthy view of yourself no matter what.

Your posts are all very negative about yourself , losing weight might make you feel better but I get the feeling that the real work needs to go into you learning to love yourself (I am not saying 'again' as sometimes people have never learned to love themselves in the first place)

binkleandflip hypnosis sounds like a great idea. something I've been thinking about myself. I've heard quite a few positive stories about it. It's worth a try?

Definitely, little star. It worked better than any diet and really lifted my spirits. Hard to explain, but it just seems to calm you and make you feel more at one with the world. You can only try it and see how it works for you

I live in London Borough of Bromley, so can imagine any hypnosis would be rather expensive down here?

Although obviously losing weight would be great, and I really want to (and am now determined to, have decided if DP does ignore me tonight I shall go to the gym once kids are in bed, which will really shock him), I know that it won't solve everything and will still never look how I want.

DP bought me the Mika CD last week and can't listen to that song whilst he is in cause I know that I will be watching him expecting him to look at me in a 'well you are big but not sure you are beautiful' kind of way.

Actually saw the video on MTV for the first time today for it, and was looking and trying to figure out if I am bigger than the girls in it! Sad and pathetic I know!

Really don't want to be classed as BIG!

I know where you are coming from PB. I am much bigger than I used to be. But not jealous now whereas when I had a slimmer figure I was sooooo consumed with jealousy so the two dont necessarily go hand in hand.

I dont want to be classed as big either. I dont want to think that Mika's song relates to me!! But, we can lose weight it's up to us isnt it?

I'm sure you are very lovely PB and I think going to the gym will boost your self-esteem no end. I do think it's a good idea to go tonight without fuss or fanfare and let tomorrow be a new day.

Typically DS has just fallen asleep in his high chair. Didn't have a nap today. So will now be a nightmare and not go to bed later! So much for the gym (wouldn't have the same effect if I am leaving DP to deal with a grumpy toddler, he would be seriously unimpressed)!!!!!

Hello
I think the point of my post was that some girls do look great whatever size they are and men find them attractive because of this confidence.
I am not happy big because I am too self conscious but have realised now that I was equally self deprecating when I was a size 8 and 7.5st as well (many many moons ago)
I think it is a fab idea to just quietly go to the gym if you can get yourself motivated! I'm going to look into this hypnosis anyway - sounds as though it might do me some good too!

PB - We are here for you - CAT me if you want and don't be disheartened; heaps and heaps of women go through this and come out the other size/ or did I mean side

His son too PB - why shouldn't he be left with a grumpy toddler??

Thanks Wisteria (have no idea how to CAT though !

Because in his opinion he has a proper job and I don't and therefore night time wakings and all that stuff is down to me!!!!!

He does get up with DS one day of the weekend though.

You could always not tell him that DS hasn't had his nap and just be really amazed that he's been a pain! You'll only be 1- 1.5 hours anyway if that (especially if you've not been for ages).
OR

Put ds in buggy (if not raining too much) and go for a really fast walk for 30 mins, might have added benefit of stopping him being a pain.

Incidentally, doing that first thing in the morning before you eat anything is a brilliant way to kick start weight loss x

WisteriaMN at googlemail dot com

Hi PB - no, I won't call you by your name either - I'm sure you're not psycho or a bitch, and I'll bet you aren't as hideous as you think . But I am so, so sad for you - you sound like you may have a bad long-running dose of PND - it can last years you know, if undetected. You feel useless and ugly and imagine dp will run off with the first woman he sees. He won't, but you may drive him away if you continue being clinging, insecure and possessive.

Lots of good advice here, and exercise is great for depression, too. But you do need to get down to your GP and ask to try some therapy again, and also for advice on whether you are suffering from PND and what treatment could you try. And tell your dp that you know he's not playing away, though you can't help your emotions at the moment, but that you ARE going to seek help - and ask him if he'd like to come with you to the GP or to any therapy that is suggested.

Aw sweetie, I bet you are gorgeous.

I am a size 14/16. I was a size 10/12 when I got married & slimmed to a size 8 before I had dd. She is almost 6 now & I have had ds also.

I think your dh knows what you're like & that is why he didn't mention sharing his office with another woman. Perhaps he thought if he mentioned it you would react the way you have....

Losing weight sounds like a good idea for your own confidence.

Also, have you thought about doing a few courses?

Speaking from personal experience, I felt shite sitting at home day after day. I childminded, I hated it.

I began a course in English, then math, followed by GCSE's & A Levels, now I am ready to start my 3rd year of a degree course & it was the courses that made me realise who I really am & what I wanted from life. Hearing other people telling me how well I worked was the best confidence booster I could ever have wished for.

Think about it. Do something for you.

Hey.... how's about changing your name???? Maybe we can help you???

Oh, and that Mika song??? Fabulous!!!!! "A whole lot of woman needs a whole lot more!" [Love......] [I think that sums it up for me!]

"but he is always saying how fat his ex is and how she let herself go when she had his DS,"

"Because in his opinion he has a proper job and I don't and therefore night time wakings and all that stuff is down to me!!!!! "

Like I said, he doesn't sound like such a great guy to me. Probably not a good match for someone with self esteem issues

Would it be really, really awful to ask how much you weigh?

I'm 5ft 8" tall and weigh just over 16 stone. Clothes are size 22/24. Just say "higher" or "lower"...

I wish it was PND because I least I would know how/why it started! Truth is I first went on anti depressants at the age of 19, (a whole 12 years ago), which is before I had either of my kids.

I do kind of associate my depression with the pill because the feelings I have, if not started definately got worse, at around the time I went on the pill. Will hopefully be coming off the pill soon as DP had a vasectomy in February and waiting for the all clear!

Well as expected DP is not talking to me (I know I can't blame him). Told him I'm sorry and that I love him and he said that I can't throw those words around and expect everything to be ok.

He said that he can't live like this and that he can't keep telling me that he won't/hasn't/doesn't want to cheat when I don't believe him anyway. Said he wishes I had just accepted that he had chosen to be with me.

I asked him if he still wanted to be with me, and he said he didn't really see the point when I never believe anything he says.

So what the hell do I do now? He hasn't really spoken to me since he said that, and he is now downstairs trying to put together a new cycle, and is shouting and swearing lots, offered to assist and he said no!

I just want to sit and cry. But if I cry it will just piss him off even more.

By the way - under normal circumstances I would of course leave DS (and my DD) with DP and I know that he wouldn't have a problem with it. I did make him out to sound non too nice and he isn't really like that. Only thing that bothers him is that I hate it when he goes out (and give him 20 questions before and after) and he feels like it is double standards on my part (which I know it is).

I never tell ANYONE what I weigh, but I guess I don't actually know anyone on here anyway, but still can't do it.

Will tell you that I am currently busting out of my size 16's. Am usually a comfortable 16. But last year, when DS was 5 months old, had got down to a comfortable size 14.

I have no illusions, I will never be smaller than I size 14!

Oh and I am 5' 5 1/2"

Well unless you're under 5ft tall then, you're not fat, honey, you're average. You've got a bit of postnatal flab, it happens to real women - we're not all women's magazine models you know, and even they are airbrushed to look far better than real skin and real stomachs ever do. You are allowed to be imperfect. No way you look as bad as you see yourself just now, though. You're looking into a fairground mirror and seeing a monster.

The issue is not fatness as such, it's you not liking yourself. You will feel better when you get back into your normal clothes though - which will happen soon enough if you do the walking thing and not find comfort in fatty foods, like I do cough.

You're ill, pet, as you recognise. Apparently a main symptom of psychosis is not realising there's anything wrong with your behaviour, but you DO know it's wrong, so there is obviously a rational person under there calling for help. You are therefore NOT psycho, just depressed and needing a hand up. Number one thing has to be to get yourself to the GP and get some counselling - and probably different medication. Prozac doesn't work for everyone. I told my GP I didn't want any that made me fatter!

Meanwhile, upset DP needs consideration too. As you are currently unable to stop yourself saying things you know you'll regret, how about writing to him? He has to understand you don't mean to insult him, that you are feeling bad but it isn't his fault, and that you are exploring ways to get help. Put it exactly how you would LIKE to say it, if you write something pathetic at the end then tear it up and start again until you're happy with it. Maybe he won't read it at first, I mean how would you feel if he kept accusing you of being about to run off with men (yes I know how that feels, my soon-to-be-ex H has always done that to me and it's horrible). Give him some hope that it's worth sticking by you until you can get better. There's a lovely woman in there somewhere - we can all see it and we don't even know you.

There you go, medium height, national average clothes size. That's not going to make you magically feel all right of course, because you're not comfortable at that weight, but take a reality check with the rest of womanhood. If you're average, half of us are older and heavier than you! And baby flab is, well, not easy to lose, but it can be lost and you ARE going to lose it. Things look bad now, you are in a very low place and no mistake, but the only way from here is up. Identifying a problem is the first step to overcoming it.

Damn, I sound like an American self help manual. Sorry about that. There's probably some truth in the psychobabble though... anyway you've had some good advice from less pretentious posters.

PB, can I tell you that in my jealous days I used to make a point of shagging my boyfriend senseless minutes before the taxi arrived to take him on a night out reasoning that he'd had sex so wouldnt think of looking at anyone else for it. Ridiculous behaviour but there you go. I totally, totally empathise PB and by the way I am 5' 3" and 14-16 so we could be twins!!

I just wrote a really long reply and then managed to lose it!!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

Anyway, probably saved you (whoever is still interested) from complete drivel again.

So, thank you all for listening and your comments.

AnnieGYG - not pretentious and I apprecite yours and everyone elses comments.

b&f - I used to do exactly the same with Ex-P but not much opportunity now there are kids on the scene!

Wisteria - I will CAT you tomorrow if you still don't mind chatting???

DP is now asleep, so I am going to bed. Couldn't go to bed when he was awake cause he always cuddles me in bed, but obviously won't tonight, and I don't think I can cope with that

Night XX