Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being a psycho bitch?????

347 replies

psychobitch · 03/07/2007 07:40

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

OP posts:
binkleandflip · 03/07/2007 23:47

Post tomorrow PB and let us know how you are

night x

mummytosteven · 03/07/2007 23:59

yes agree with other people - speak to your GP about counselling and possibly changing medication, whatever he feels more appropriate. also try and get out of the house more, and challenge the anxiety.

hard to tell whether HMC has a point or not in whether your DP is feeing the self-esteem issues; has he ever been unfaithful or made a habit of commenting adversely about your appearance or other aspects of your personality?

Wisteria · 04/07/2007 09:48

Will check my emails PB - but please change your name! What about Pretty Beautiful?
Anyway, look forward to hearing from you - I'm just trying to sum up will power to walk this morning before my boring oatiflake brekkie!
Going to pretend it's chocolate filled croissants!

binkleandflip · 04/07/2007 09:54

Morning PB, hows things? What about we start another, more positive thread about this with a different name so psychobitch doesnt keep popping up in active threads?!

How about PlacidBabe??

Tanee58 · 04/07/2007 11:42

Morning PrettyBeautiful PlacidBabe, yes, definitely time for a name change.

How are you today? First move, make an appointment with your GP. Next, try writing to your DP to say you realise you're being obsessively possessive, but you want to try to do something about it. As others have said, REAL psychos don't realise or acknowledge that they're being overly possessive. Has he ever given you reason to be suspicious, or has this been an issue with previous relationships?

May not be on much today as have OODLES of emails at work, and really shouldn't be indulging in MN, but will try to look in later.

Big hug x

Original poster
psychobitch · 04/07/2007 14:51

Hi all

I am feeling a little better today (although I know that it won't last and am still planning a visit to the doctors when she is back). Really annoyed that my long message last night didn't post as had put stuff that DP had said and can't remember it all now!

DP never says anything bad about my appearance, if anything he always tells me that he has no problem with how I look at all, just with how I feel about myself and the effect it has on us!

He has said in the past that he hates it when I insult myself (cause I am always making digs about myself and putting myself down) and I said I don't understand why. He explained it as, if anyone was putting down someone that I loved then I would be angry and defend them. Said it is worse when the person is doing it to themselves as he can't really defend me again myself (or get me to shut up either).

I told him last night that I don't really believe that he is cheating, or that he ever has, but it is just a constant fear that he will realise he can do better than me, and because of that fear I am always expecting the worst.

And yes, this self hate and jealous behaviour has caused problems in past relationships.

DS woke at 3 this morning, and DP cuddled me when I got back into bed after seeing to him. He had gone to work when I woke but he has called this morning and was ok on the phone with me. I asked if we were ok and if he did want me to leave, and he said that he never said that he wanted me to, just that I should do what I want cause his opinion obviously means nothing.

SO I guess I just have to be nice to him (as someone said, make sure that home is a nice place to be) try and bite my tongue when these thoughts come into head, and not project my fears by accusing him of things that he hasn't done (and says he doesn't want to).

Thanks everyone, will keep posting if that is ok!

OP posts:
binkleandflip · 04/07/2007 14:54

Post away, but what about the namechange PB?

Original poster
psychobitch · 04/07/2007 14:58

Not really sure what I should change it to? Nothing other than psychobitch seems appropriate!

OP posts:
Wisteria · 04/07/2007 15:00

Hi PB - Glad you are ok; half the time, these men are so confused by our dippy ways that they just stop talking and forget to tell us the important stuff - FWIW he does sound as though he loves you.
Keep posting and try to get some help for yourself x

Wisteria · 04/07/2007 15:00

PeeBee

binkleandflip · 04/07/2007 15:01

You're doing it again PB!!!!! Change it pretty please, for us.

Tanee58 · 04/07/2007 15:07

Change It! Change It! Change It!

Original poster
psychobitch · 04/07/2007 20:56

Just got back from DD and SS (is that step son on here?) choir concert! DP had to stay at home to look after DS.

Once DD was out of way he just threw me on the sofa and snogged me and had a bit of a grope! Can't remember the last time we did that! Felt very juvenile (sp) and it was good!

Note to all - am trying to come up with an appropriate new name

OP posts:
binkleandflip · 04/07/2007 20:57

You go girl!!!!! Thats more like it!!

Original poster
psychobitch · 04/07/2007 21:01

Just wondering now if it means I am on a promise for tonight! (Think I will be disappointed if not).

Having a couple of glasses of wine (not good for diet I know but extra long gym session tomorrow night) to give me a bit of a confidence boost just in case!

OP posts:
Original poster
psychobitch · 04/07/2007 21:06

Time to go shave my legs just in case .

Hopefully will be too busy to be back on tonight!

OP posts:
binkleandflip · 04/07/2007 21:14

What a difference a day makes eh PB?

Hope you have a fab night with your man, now get going on those legs

nightowl · 04/07/2007 21:31

read this last night and typed you a long post which sounded like utter rubbish so i never posted it! you sound lovely, dont put yourself down.

although i assume you aren't reading this as you're "busy"

Mommalove · 04/07/2007 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Wisteria · 05/07/2007 09:42

that's more like it - you sounded much more positive!
Am quite now....

Original poster
psychobitch · 05/07/2007 11:07

Had a bit of a nervous breakdown when DP walked in on me in the shower last night!!!

He knew I was in there and normally I lock the door, but thought that he was safely downstairs!!!! I freaked a little, and he claimed he never saw me properly but I know he did!!!!!

Anyway, then my mind went into overdrive thinking that even if he had been 'up for it' later on then seeing me naked would be enough to put him off (and probably pack my bags)!!!!!

But I was brave and, after deliberating for several minutes, did put on the nice nightie and NOT the shorts and Bon Jovi t-shirt which has been what I've been wearing for bed the past few weeks. (Ok so I wore the nightie with trusted fleece thing over it, which caused a raised eyebrow from DP, but at least it was some progress).

AND, unbelievably, and I did indeed get some action which did cheer me up! There were a few cringe worthy moments when he put his hands on my hips or bum or whatever but I tried not to let it bother me and get all paranoid (think the wine helped)!

OP posts:
BrassicMonkey · 05/07/2007 11:15

Haven't read the whole thread PB, but wow! what progress

Sounds like you (and DP) had a fantastic night

And...change your name. You're not a psycho and you're not a bitch.

Lizzylou · 05/07/2007 11:22

Well done PB, glad things are looking up

ConnorTraceptive · 05/07/2007 11:25

good for you? if he didn't like your bum or hips he wouldn't have put his hands there.

Now make yourself a promise that you'll make a move more often, men love to be "approached"

star1976 · 05/07/2007 11:26

Well I am going to the gym tonight to work off the wine from last night (although last nights activites should have worked some of it off).

I am not stupid enough to believe that this is it and I will now be fine, just cause I am feeling a little better today (still avoiding mirrors and feel deeply unattractive).

But I am going to stick at the gym, and the diet, and hope that so long as I know that I am doing SOMETHING, then I can keep my insane thoughts and feelings to myself and not start accusing DP again.

Although, do warn you all, that I will no doubt be on here in the future asking if I am being psycho again! But hopefully next time it will be BEFORE I say anything to DP and you lot can whip me into shape before I cause problems again

Swipe left for the next trending thread