Am I being a psycho bitch?????

[psychobitch]

Partner started job in new department yesterday and had told me that he had his own office, fair enough.

He called me yesterday from his 'new desk' saying that he has the office all to himself this week. Confused I said that I thought that he had the office to himself all the time anyway? He said no he shares with someone.

Turns out this someone is a woman, which I know I shouldn't have an issue with.

But why has he not mentioned it in the 2 months leading upto him starting the job?

Had a bit of a row about it yesterday, then when we went to bed last night I just had it going round and round my mind and got more and more paniky and worried about it. So when DS woke for a feed at 1:30am, I asked DP why he hadn't told me before.

Asked if he fancied her? If there was something I should know? He just got angry with me.

He said at one point that he wouldn't do anything to risk his home and family (pointed out that he never mentioned me in that, but he said I am part of his family).

Never actually said no he doesn't fancy her or gave a reason why he never mentioned her before. He wouldn't even tell me her name!!!!!!!!

He then came downstairs and slept on the sofa, said he is so close to walking out cause he is sick of me and me accusing him of things.

We are clearly now not talking, he was gone when I got up. I just feel like sitting and crying.

Am I being paranoid? Or a psycho bitch?

Hi Tanee!

Really pleased for you and DP, and some time together in Norfolk sounds lovely!

Also glad that you are back online though (very selfish I know, sorry).

I haven't had any real psycho moments since the last one. Except DP told me that his friend was constantly looking down my top on Friday night (a rare night out together with some of his friends) and said I always get my tits out when we go out!

Asked him if I am so bad that I should wear a bin bag, to which he said 'oh you always take everything the wrong way'!!! Not sure how I should have taken it though?

Was very very VERY brave on Sunday, and took DS and DD swimming! First time I have been in a swimsuit since DS was born (and so the first time he has been swimming)!

Not been doing so well on the diet, do great for a few days and then cock it up again. Went to the gym only twice last week but was working very hard and at the park or soft play everyday so that should have done me some good?

Anyway, DP has just walked past and I covered up the screen so he said 'slagging me off again?' which I said no to (cause I am not) but he doesn't believe me! Oh well! Not a lot I can do about that is there!

Off to get a shower and then will be bed for me soon, am so tired all the time. Have to go back to doctors soon for a check up, will try to get an appointment Wednesday or Thursday (too many kids tomorrow I think?).

Take care of yourself and hope to hear from you soon XXXXX

Hi Star, glad you're keeping to your new name again .

I reckon you should take his comment about your tits as a compliment. Try ALWAYS to take such things as compliments, and a sign that he acknowledges that his friends may find you as attractive as he obviously does! Take note here - YOU are always worried that some bint is going to be after him, but his comment shows that HE can be just as aware that other men can admire YOU! That's a positive, isn't it? An awareness that one's partner is attractive, is fine and good, and keeps us on our toes - problems only arise when that awareness becomes obsessive possessiveness with the grilling and constant need for reassurance that you've admitted to doing - and well done you for managing to avoid that in the last few days.

Really glad you managed to get out together as well, even if it was with friends. One needs to do that. Can you do it a bit more often?

And well done with the swimming (it's great exercise too, and nobody can see your body once you're in the water - that's what I tell myself, anyway ).

Well, guess I'd better go feed the cats. I got up really early to check cinema times (one of my locals is showing my all time favourite, 'Brief Encounter', tonight - my one chance to see it on the Big Screen, though I guess it might have to be alone as I don't think my 15 year old dd will consider it her 'thing' at all . The cats are sitting looking at me with pained patience.

Have a great day, Star, and if you're tired, have a lie down with a book in the shade. This heat can be debilitating too, and your pills may be having an effect. Hope all goes well at the doctor's.

Big hug xxx

Couldn't keep my mouth shut and asked him about what he said about his friend.

He said that whenever we go out I always have my tits out, and that on Friday he was embarrased .

I do show cleavage I admit, but I don't fall out of my tops! Was very hurt by what he said.

SO I was right all along and he is embarrased by me!

Well, it IS summertime - time for strappy and low cut tops - we've ALL got our tits out - so to speak! I wouldn't worry about it too much - at least it shows he notices. Maybe next time you could wear something a little less revealing and keep the revealing stuff for when you're alone with him. Or you could take the attitude that what you wear is YOUR business and he should be proud that you have a cleavage worth looking at. Or you could cover up in a polo neck and black burkha to make a point .

But basically, don't beat yourself up about it.

I have chilled a little about it now!

I went through a hell of a lot of pain to get tits I liked which, although taken a battering somewhat from having DS (really never thought I would be having more children) they are still SO much better than they would have been pre op!

So if I want to show a bit of cleavage I will!

Actually beginning to think that it is just jealousy anyway (trying to convince myself maybe?)

Went to doc's for check up today, told her that I knew there would be no miracle cure and still feeling pretty crappy, but am feeling better cause I know I am doing something about it myself.

Also discussed my weight and she has prescribed tablets (have taken once before as put weight on before my op and wanted to lose it so doc would def do op). Lost a stone in a month before, then came off them as had had op. Fingers crossed for me???

Anyway Tanee how are you? Missing your DP? When is he due back again?

Take careXXX

Well quite frankly Star, if you've actually had a boob job, you've every right to show it off ! I think dp was possibly a little jealous of the attention you got! (my mum, who had a tiny figure with a 32 inch bust before I came along and enlarged things for her, said that my dad used to ask her to cut her sari blouses a bit lower, as he was proud of her pocket Venus figure! That seems very sweet!)

star, i wonder if you dp is a bit put out that you won't be naked in front of HIM, your true love, but you will wear low cut tops out for a night out? nowt wrong with low cut tops at all - have many myself, and dh loves to see me in them, also loves the attention i get....but thats cos he knows i save the rest for him when i get home, if u get me??

That's a good point, Meely, Star feels ugly in front of her dp. Star, do you think that's what bothered him?

And Star, next time you're feeling ugly and wanting to hide yourself away in shorts and teeshirt at bedtime, remember that this is one part of you that you obviously DO like !

I am not as impressed with my new cleavage as I was before I had DS! But are still so much better than they were before!

However, I had a breast reduction, not enlargement. Before I was a 34/36FF and they were awful, couldn't wear nice clothes or bra's and was constantly self conscious about them.

Am now a 36/38D and they are just right (though did lose loads off them when lost weight last year and know it will happen if (when) I lose weight again ).

I know what you mean about me now letting DP see me naked. Funny actually, but the last two times we have had sex he has purposely left the light on! That never happens cause I always turn it off but he wouldn't let me! I wasn't naked (of course) but he could still see me (if that makes sense at all)!

Felt very self conscious but tried to keep in the back of my mind that he was doing it to show me that he doesn't have a problem with how I look ????

Anyway, he is out tonight and I am trying not to worry about all the thin pretty people that are in the pub. Did ask him a few of the standard questions before he went out, and then blew the diet with a bottle of wine!!!!!

Have decided that will start taking diet tablets on Monday as can go to the gym then (no chance till then) and am out tomorrow night at a friends and Saturday we are going for a picnic and for a day out, so will enjoy my food till then .

May need some support with the diet (especially cutting out the alcohol) from Monday though!!!????????????????

Hi Star, how's the alcohol free diet going? That's what I liked about my low carb diet (lost about a stone a few years ago) - I was able to still have wine and cheese. Lost the weight but don't like to think what my liver and cholesterol levels are like .

I found that I lost the weight, but the bust remained the same - 34DD. Rather a relief as it meant I didn't have to buy new underwear!

Just wanted to say I'm going to Norfolk this morning till Saturday, to see dp and catch his plays. Must be at the theatre by 2.30 for the matinee so this is a quick posting. Hope your week goes well and I'll catch up with you soon.

xx

Bonjour Star!

I am back in Blighty, but have missed this thread. We've had a wonderful time in France - drank far too much wine and ate oodles of gorgeous French cheese so have just driven down to Leamington to collect my dog from one bro and seen the other bro who's a very successful personal trainer and nabbed some free advice for my diet which I have to undertake now since I felt really fat all holiday and scared myself with the amount of weight I seem to have accumulated over the last 2 years .

Will be online later in the week when I can see over the mountain of washing and ironing! Have just returned to find dp doing a lot of it though - bless him (we're great btw, about time tbh!). Speak to you soon

I've read the whole thread and I don' think I've seen this said yet. First, I want to stress that it doesn't sound that you are really overweight, perhaps just slightly bigger than you'd like to be. That being said;

Some men genuinely like, love and desire "bigger" women. More men than you'd think are very attracted to women with curves to grab hold of. Just because popular culture tells us women of a certain size are attractive doesn't mean a thing to the men choosing to be in our beds.

I used to be terribly self-conscious and hated my body. I thought it beyond belief that a man would/could look at me and think something positive much less lustful! My dh has patiently taught me that he wants me, finds me sexy and doesnt look at thinner women and wish he was with them instead.

I am saying this because some of your posts sound as though your dp is trying to show you these same things. My dh too sometimes makes "eww" remarks about a vv big person, but what i realized a long time ago is that dh doesnt love/want me because i'm a big woman, he loves a woman who is big. And there is a difference!

Like I said, you really don't soundvery big to me. But it prob wouldn't matter to your dp who loves you. I'm 17 stone (did I really admit it!) and I know dh means it when he growls and drags me off to bed

Sorry if lots of typos, im posting from my mobile

Yey Wisteria! So so so pleased to have you back! Glad that you have had a great holiday.

Tanee - I am utterly jealous of anyone who can do a low carb diet! I just can't! Without pasta, rice and potatoes I would be permanently hungry! Generally do Slimming World so that the aforementioned are acceptable though (being vegetarian I am always on a green day)!

ISM - thank you for your comments. Always nice to have a fresh perspective on my psychobitch status! I know that in the grand scheme of things I don't sound that big. But I do feel it. And it isn't always about my actual size either. There are days when I look in the mirror to put on my make up and prepare myself for the day, and when I really see myself I just start crying cause I feel so ugly. I am ashamed to admit that my DS is 18 months and there are NO photo's of us. Cause I have now got to the point where I refuse to have my photo taken at all. I can't bare it cause it upsets me so much when I see myself and how fat and ugly I am. Yet there are plenty of photo's of me with DD when she was little (not recent though as she is 9 next month), so I guess I must have been a little better then, even though I thought I had always been this bad.

Anyway, was feeling rather desperate and crappy and had noone to talk to yesterday so started a thread (that didn't grow very big thankfully). Spent my day worrying and upset and on the phone to my mum (luckily only one very good mindee here yesterday who didn't seem to notice and was well entertained, worst childminder in the world though arn't i).

Hope to hear from you posters soon (regular and new ISM).

Take Care

Psychobitch
XXXX

Feeling really crappy today. DP has just said that he is going out tomorrow night. No matter how much I try not to, I can't help feeling like he will be looking for someone else . Someone thin and pretty and non psycho.

I immediately think that he will realise that he can do better, and start accusing him (have already given him 20 questions on whether he will behave and he is now not talking to me).

Also the whole issue of him meeting and texting his 'friend' and keeping it secret is very much in my mind, making me feel completely shit, and making me wish that I just had a way of knowing how he feels about her (and me ). Even though at the moment I feel that it is pretty obvious. I can't stand feeling like second choice.

Want him to reassure me but when I said that to him he just said 'do I or do I not come home every night?'. Asked me when I think he has time to cheat. Which makes me want to scream 'well you have f**king time to meet her don't you'!!!!!!!

PB, sorry I haven't been around for you.
Doesn't sound as though things are improving at all. Are you still taking the tablets?
To be honest, I don't think Sunday night would be your typical going out looking for women night but if you continue to accuse him, he may well decide to. Easy to say I know and obviously you know all this, but I worry that your dh won't be able to cope much longer. Not sure that I would be able to. You know I have problems similar to this too but am managing to quell them at the moment. I realised when we were away that when I am just loving and tactile (ie initiate sex ) then my dp is moreso to me and doesn't want to go off on his own at all. I know it's hardly the revelation of the century and something we all know but actually taking the bit between the teeth (ahem) has enabled me to get over a lot of the insecurities. I still feel fat and unattractive and did so during the whole holiday but he really didn't seem to mind and it has spurred me on to start a proper sensible diet now.

Hi all, I'm back. Wisteria, hallooo, glad you enjoyed France. Lots of wine and good food are good for the soul .

Star, how's you? I found that the low carb actually worked for my where low cal diets didn't. Am trying to cut down a bit now as I found I weigh 10 stone (I banished scales from home, left them behind when I moved house, but couldn't resist getting on them at DP's lodgings). Now I know 10 stone sounds tiny to some, but on a small Asian frame that used to be 8 stone before dd, I do feel big - most of it's on my tum, and I don't really like looking five months pregnant when the rest of me looks slim.

I guess, really, it's down to our self-image, though. I feel fat, but most people would say I don't look fat. Just as you, Star, say you feel hideous, but I suspect none of us would agree - and your dp obviously doesn't!

I agree with Wisteria and all the others, who keep saying, don't burden him with questions and suspicion - that's surer to drive him away than if you just let him love you - as he seems to.

What do you think of my own little experience in Norfolk? My dp has a female friend there, who works part time in the theatre where he's acting. He's known her since the last time he worked there in 1990, but has only seen her briefly and I'd never met her.

Well, she came over to me when I was having coffee in the bar before the show, and I sensed an 'atmosphere' almost immediately. She introduced herself, but conversation was stilted and she was very cool. Then later, after the show, she gave dp a hug that was almost a snog. I quizzed him quite casually about her later, and he admitted they'd had a brief fling in 1990 but that was it. He's been open with her about us, but she's been a bit clingy. She's been through a messy divorce, no children, on ADs and it seemed obvious to me, regards him as her 'property'. She seemed a bit shaken when I said I'd known him since 1988. She said 'Oh, so you've known him longer than I have'. So yes, he's MY man now, I was tempted to say.

Anyway, I've decided not to make a thing of it - dp knows that I know, he was quite open about their history and assured me he doesn't want to revive anything with her. He says he needs to extricate himself from the friendship, but I realise he can't really do anything whilst he's working there. Only a month to go and he'll be coming home. And I am CERTAINLY going there again at the beginning of September!!!

However, I do admit to having felt uncomfortable yesterday, when he told me he'd spent the afternoon watching the cricket at her house as she has cable TV ...

Hi Tanee - how shitty for you. Think you are being very brave and mature

Your weight gain is the same as mine exactly. I can't even blame it on the dcs as I got my figure back after that straightaway. I have been following my dear bro's plan for a few days and my trousers feel a lot looser already.

I just read your other thread PB and I am very cross that you changed your name to something worse!!!!! My dd told me I was fat the other day too but it made me want to something about it tbh.

You seem to be getting the same advice from everyone though so when are you going to use it??

I am really trying to lose weight, and have been good all day today! But now it is time for me to go to the gym, I just can't be bothered!

The kitchen still needs tidying and there are toys everywhere and have so much paperwork to do for the childminding.

Just need to try and be good for the rest of the night now and then it won't be another day completely wasted

All I really want to do right now though is crawl under my duvet and cry (although pretty sure I would be asleep in less than a minute).

A friend of mine used to be a size 22 and has gone right down to a size 12/14, and I know how awful this sounds and I really do sound like a psychobitch, but I just don't want to spend time with her cause I hate that I can't seem to do what she has done . Pathetic arn't I!!! Been emailing her today and told her I was feeling down and she said that I am not fat. Which annoys me cause she is still dieting and weighs 2 1/2 stone less than me now , so she still isn't happy with her weight.

Feeling pathetically sorry for myself and I know that I need a slap but just can't seem to snap out of it at the moment.

You don't need a slap poppet, maybe a tap on the bottom but probably it's just not time yet. I've been umming and ahhing for months (nearly a year) about my weight but I didn't start the diet properly until the 16th - you have to have the motivation too and something will kick start you eventually.

Going to a party next month and am dreading it cause I always feel like the fattest ugliest person in the room and it plays on my mind the entire time I am out. And visiting family in Hull next month which I am dreading too.

Also, DP mentioned on Saturday that his works christmas party includes partners for the first time. And he actually wants me to go????????

I can't go this size, I just can't. If I can't lose weight before the party I am not going. I'm not going to embarass him by him having to take his fat girlfriend.

Tanee - sorry you must think I am so selfish and rude for not mentioning your post. I can't believe how mature you are being about the whole thing, and how much confidence you must have to be able to be so mature. Must be amazing! Def agree that you should go back in September though, show her that you will be not put off by her. (And you are right 10 stone does sound like nothing, would kill to be 10 stone).

OK - online counselling session! , may be harsh sounding but it is not meant to be, just trying to help xx

"Going to a party next month and am dreading it cause I always feel like the fattest ugliest person in the room and it plays on my mind the entire time I am out. "

You say you feel like the fattest ugliest person in the room; not that you are. That would imply to me that you know you are not the fattest but merely feel like it - why is that?

"And visiting family in Hull next month which I am dreading too." -
Why are you dreading seeing family? What are they going to say or do which is so awful?

"Also, DP mentioned on Saturday that his works christmas party includes partners for the first time. And he actually wants me to go???????? I can't go this size, I just can't. If I can't lose weight before the party I am not going. I'm not going to embarass him by him having to take his fat girlfriend."

He wants you to go....... why do you think he wants you to go? Is it feasible that it is because he loves you and doesn't think that you are fat and ugly? OK maybe you are bigger than you were, but most of us are tbh and I bet you still knock socks off the other wives in his eyes even if not in your own. He wouldn't want to take you if he felt the way you feel he does, so maybe these are your feelings not his and is it not a little unfair to think for him? Is he entitled to his own opinion?
You DO have time before the works Christmas party to lose some weight. I am doing it by calorie counting and walking and my bro's expertise and am more than happy to share the knowledge with you (don't tell him though )
However you will not lose any weight unless you motivate yourself and want to do it. I am in same boat having to cut down enormously on the red wine and carbs in order to fulfill the diet but it is working and I'm not hungry. You have my email address so if you want to swap tips and motivation (as I will fail at times too I know) then please email me at [email protected]

Hmm interesting comment about 'feeling' the fatest ugliest person. Whether it is just my perception of it or not, it is still how I feel and makes me unhappy.

With regards my family!!!!! They are a strange strange bunch. I actually consider myself to be one of the most normal. They are very bitchy, constantly put me down (although I realise with my eldest sister it is jealousy, which is compeltely ironic as I am jealous of her (but for other reasons)).

And I do want to go to DP's works xmas party, I really do. And I know that I do have time to lose weight, and that the party in itself should be the incentive required, but................... I just can't seem to do it.

So yes, please help me. Any advice or motivation or ANYTHING that will get me to get my arse is gear would be most appreciated.

Am going to email you, but don't want to cut Tanee 'out of the loop' so to speak. So writing this in the hope that we can have a three way email thing going on????

Also am I ok to email you off my normal hotmail account (even though it is in my real name , as I haven't got one that relates to my MN name, or do I create one?????)

When you've emailed me your addy, I'll email you from my normal one, I don't check the other unless I'm waiting for something.