Husband on Tinder!!

[chunkymonkeysmama]

I was destroyed last night to find out by a fluke that my supposedly loyal and loving DH has set himself up a profile on Tinder!!

I was unplugging the baby monitor and thought i would unplug his phone and give it to him at the same time. As i unplugged it, the screen lit up and there was a notification on there: Tinder - you have a new match.

I was absolutely floored by this we have a yound DD and I thought he was my soul mate. We have been married 3 years. I confronted him immediately and he tried to say "it's not what you think!" Errr yes it is!!!

I demanded he showed me the profile and he had used a fake pic, fake name and fake city.

I went absolutely ballistic and demanded to know why?! Eventually he admitted it was for 'wank material' and said I haven't been paying him much attention! I said 'Don't you dare fucking blame me!" I work full time, sort all the household bills and chores whilst juggling our young DD and older children and still give him sex 2-3 times a week!

If it was just for a wank then he would be on the usual porn apps but this is real contact with real women! I suspect he has tried to steer conversations with thess women to become sexual and pic swapped etc.

He will have been sat opposite me in thd lounge whilst messaging them or swiping pics, all whilst i look after our child. He spends quite a bit of time in the toilet too, i guess i know why now!!

I have told him to get himself a solicitor as I can never forgive this! Even if he didn't physically meet anyone, just by going behind my back and setting the account up is cheating in my eyes. He broke our vows and has no respect for me or our family.

I am so hurt. I loved him so much and have alwsys been there for him, supported him through some tough times and this is how i get repaid?!

Our poor DD will now have a part time Dad, all because he has been selfish and thinks with his dick!

I don't know what I am expecting from this post, just needed to vent. I have told my close RL friends and they are absolutely gobsmacked as none of us thought he would ever do anything to hurt/cheat on me.

I just feel like i never really knew him

Oh I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I think only you can decide what you want to do x

"not getting enough attention"

Absolutely pathetic.

@Sunnydays78 Thank you. I will be 100% filing for divorce. I know I deserve better.

@Closetbeanmuncher Agreed! And I told him so!

How devastating. I'm so sorry.

This is why we can never truly know our partners. No matter how much someone swears someone is their "soulmate", stuff like this then seems to happen. What is wrong with these men? I fully sympathise op. You must be feeling completely destroyed, that feeling is just utterly sickening. Xx

Good for you! Now he can Tinder till his hearts content!
Stay strong!

How bloody gutting. Sorry, OP :(

@Dimsumlosesum This is the thing, i trusted him implicitly. I never ever so much as looked at his phone or anything. It was pure coincidence that i have found out. As much as it hurts, i am glad I know the truth. I know my life will prosper but his, hmm no so much!!

@LostwithSawyer Yes and maybe put his real pic on now, although he will definitely get less people swiping right!!!

Oh wow, OP! So sorry you're dealing with this! But 150% good for you standing up for yourself and not letting him turn his shitty decisions on you.

There are too many women out there that do the pick me dance to try and hang on to these selfish wankbags who only care about themselves and getting their dicks wet.

Sadly, this is becoming too much of a norm in today's society. Big hugs honey, we're here for you. x

You're better off without him, it must be a horrible shock

Op, I was in exactly the same.e position as you. It's utterly excruciating. An I think that, because we utterly trusted them so completely the betrayal stabs all the more deeply, personally. I won't ask hoeyoure feeling right now, because that's a silly question- just know my thoughts are with you. Have you anyone you can too? Xx

Make sure you get your freedom too when you split up. I don't mean so that you can go on Tinder too, big deal (especially right now) but if you split up, don't be left with 95% of the childcare. You would enjoy the time off too I bet!

*can talk to. Sorry, safety case on phonemakes it hard to type x

You must be floored by this OP. Absolutly floored.

@Dim says

"What is wrong with these men?"

Quite. What IS wrong with them? Oh yes. They are abusers. Right or wrong - matters not to them.

Kick him immediately to the kerb. Before you do, acknowledge what he is and THEN get legal advice.

Wishing the best for you, OP.

I'm so sorry.
I find the fact that he has put a fake profile up to use women awful. Is it called cat fishing ?
He has not only been disloyal but he has shown that he has disregard for all women playing on their vulnerability for wank material. Quite disgusting.

Agreed @Cushion. Agreed.

Well done for have so much confidence...wish I did too...good luck x

So sorry. But I totally admire your strength. How has he reacted to you standing your ground?

So sorry I found out my H affair when trying to help him with something on computer. So shocking!

You are doing the right thing by not putting up with that behaviour and taking quick decisive action

Cheaters are easier to deal with financially when they still feel guilt. So it would be good to get a financial agreement sorted out as soon as possible. Divorce could follow later but be based on the financial deal.

But process through and think through what you want. It is such a painful time so glad you spoke to friends and have not covered up for him. Get all the support you can.Take care of you and DD.

You did the right thing!

As once the trust is gone, even if he does go out to e.g see his friends, you'd always have that affair concern at the back of your mind and rightly so.. not a good way to live.

I totally feel for you OP. I found out about a really heavy infatuation/emotional affair 11 years after it happened just a couple of years ago, went into a drawer in his office to find something and there were all his scribblings about his feelings . Lots of it. He was away at the time and I kept it myself for 6 weeks too. We have stayed married but i now know he has a secret really bad porn habit as well and it's like he is someone I don't know that we'll after 23 years. I wish i had the courage you had when i found out, we have a business and other complications but no real assets, so at the moment I am a bit stuck as mid 50s, like you my H sought to minimise it and said it was 'just a crush all on his side and he went a bit far' may be the case, may not be, don't think I will ever know. I have though gone right off men to be honest, a huge percentage strike me as being off their rockers and will do anything for ego boosts or titilation